A Day in the Gang's Summer Break
Or, Why do teenagers do such stupid things during the holidays?
Our beloved MSB gang is back - well, we're back with them. It was almost the end of their summer break, and they would be seniors next semester at Walkerville High. It hadn't been boring for them; that year, there had been more hook-ups and break-ups than anyone deemed it was possible. Dr. Tennelli said that since her son brought home a new girl every week, she'd started calling all of them 'J', because Janet had been Ralphie's first serious girlfriend, and the next few girls had all had names beginning with J. Arnold and Wanda had hooked up too, but broke up as quickly (much to Phoebe's secret delight - not that anyone knew). Keesha dated Tim briefly, before Tim left for Seattle for the summer to check out the art scene, then dumped him for Carlos, who she later dumped for Arnold (this was before Arnold and Wanda got together), who dumped her for Wanda before she could dump him. Carlos found solace with Dorothy Ann, who'd also parted ways with Arnold (this was before Arnold and Keesha got together) and they didn't fight much -
Until today.
You see, despite what people usually thought of Carlos and Dorothy Ann, they didn't really fight a lot (not as much as Ralphie and Keesha or Janet against everyone in the Whole Wide World). They liked debating with each other for purely intellectual reasons - a surprise, because contrary to popular opinion, Carlos was pretty smart when he wasn't making dumb jokes. This was so surprising that even Phoebe commented, "I never thought I'd see the day when the words Carlos and intellectual were used in the same sentence." Carlos threw Phoebe a dirty look and ignored her for the whole day, which, for poor, sweet (not so little) Phoebe was torture of the most painful kind because Carlos let her know in every unspoken way that he was hurt by her insinuations.
But we digress. You see, the point was that Carlos and DA had a surprisingly peaceful relationship -
Until today.
Apparently, Carlos had taken Dorothy Ann to his room (note that Mr. and Mrs. Ramon were not around, and Mikey was - God only knows where a paraplegic boy who can barely get around on a wheelchair would go).
And Dorothy Ann got a severe panic attack. Carlos, alarmed had taken her downstairs, where she immediately gave him a stern lecture. Carlos (being Carlos) tried to defend himself.
Suffice to say, it didn't work. Dorothy Ann gradually stopped yelling and became very quiet, leaving the house soon after, and Carlos berated himself in frustration. This was one relationship he had since Florrie, that he wished would work out, and right now, it wasn't.
There was just one thing Carlos could do -
Talk to Arnold.
We have already established that Arnold dated pretty much every girl in the gang except Phoebe. So when Tim and Carlos began dating the girls, he was pretty much the go-to guy for girl advice. Except for Ralphie, who shacked up with Janet without his blessing.
Yes, Arnold Perlstein was the typical ladies' man. But Wanda, his last girlfriend? She was no lady. She was a virago in a petite Asian girl's body. She was awesome, but so adventurous, that one day, he had eaten fried chocolate crickets courtesy of his ex-girlfriend.
Who, he knew, dumped him. Go figure. They'd been dating for just over two weeks, and he knew Wanda may or may not be The Girl, but right now, this was definitely not The Time for Carlos and whatever hare-brained scheme he'd come up with.
Speaking of The Time, Arnold didn't have time for crazy Spanish-Columbian idiosos like Carlos, who'd barged into his room before his mom could warn him, "Arniekins, Carlos is here!").
(N.B.: He wasn't sure whether idiosos was idiots or not in Spanish, having flunked Spanish because of Mikey. Yes, he actually got that crazy younger Ramon brother to tutor him for an exorbitant price, and the wrong words at that, because all he learnt was swear words. He found out about his fluency in Spanish swear-words when he tried to say something complementary to Señora Goldberg, a mulatta who'd lived in South America since her birth but came to the U.S. of A. upon her marriage. It turned out Arnold had a pretty colourful hold of the Spanish vocabulary. He was able to save himself in time, though, by dazzling SeñoraGoldberg with his smile - which all his past girlfriends including Dorothy Ann swore was irresistable, especially when followed by a strong, determined expression to get whatever he wanted. He'd tried it, desperate, but he was shocked - and horrified - to find it worked on Señora Goldberg as well, but kept it in mind for the next time those loons of his guy friends got him into any trouble with female teachers).
"Arn, you've gotta help me," Carlos said, followed by unintelligible mutterings.
"What? Slow down!" Arnold said. Carlos could be such a girl sometimes, talking when they were breathless. Whatever Dorothy Ann saw in Carlos, it wasn't pure manliness.
"I took her to my room and she -"
"Was it clean?" Arnold asked.
Pause.
"Well, it wasn't dirty."
Arnold sighed. Carlos Ramon thought he was an archetypical ladies' man, but obviously he didn't know the first thing about a girl. Of course, this was his first real steady relationship, so, duh, he wouldn't know. Arnold would have to do a Casanova and teach Carlos all he had ever learnt about girls.
Two hours later, still in Arnold's room, Carlos was confused.
"Hey man," he pointed out. "I only came here to ask you if you knew why Dorothy Ann got her knickers in a twist."
Arnold raised his eyebrows. Carlos slapped his forehead. "I swear, nothing happened and I didn't mean it in that way! Bad pun!"
"Well, obviously, I have wasted my two hours with you in a crash-course of Girls 101. You'd better take me to your room."
"No way, man!" Carlos shook his head. "I don't take guys to my room. It's strictly a girl's chamber only."
"Carlos, I know I'm not an eunuch, and I swear I'm not going to rob you of whatever imaginary harem you have. If Dorothy Ann really means as much to you as you say you do, you'd do anything to make it up to her, right."
Carlos sighed. "Arnold, if you can ever help me figure out how to do that, I would kiss you."
Arnold knew Carlos wasn't being overly dramatic, like Wanda could, sometimes, so he simply said, "Carlos, you know I'm not gay, especially not for you."
"Keep flattering yourself Perlstein."
When Arnold and Carlos made it to the house (on foot, seeing as the Caan-Perlsteins - not to be confused with Janet's family, the Cohen-Perlsteins who lived in Walkerville's elite neighbourhood of Twilight Hills, near Dorothy Ann, Keesha and Tim - and Ramons now lived relatively close to each other), they were unnervingly quiet. It seemed very much like a secret mission, and it felt like if they made noise, the whole mission would be a failure. At length, even Arnold asked Carlos (whispering, actually), "Why are we so quiet?"
"If it comes out I had to ask my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend why she was so unhappy, I'd be humiliated. You know that."
Well, no, Arnold didn't, but he would go along with the flow.
They were walking in the hallway now, when the two heard bumps and noises from Mikey's bedroom across the hall. There was a groan, and Arnold freaked out.
"Mikey, you home?" Carlos asked, suspicious.
Rustling of clothes. Footsteps.
"Okay, this is weird," Carlos frowned. "Mikey, I'm coming in."
"No, Carlos! Just - stay out."
"Okay," Carlos said suspiciously. Carlos made exaggerated footsteps to his room opposite Mikey's, and opened the door, but quietly tiptoed back and opened the door to Mikey's room.
"There's no one there," Arnold whispered.
"The spoilt brat has his own walk-in closet," Carlos said, and yanked the closet door open -
And screamed.
For inside the closet was the most horrifying sight.
Mikey and Phoebe - Phoebe, who'd always been secretly in love with Arnold - were making out. More than making out actually. Phoebe was wearing precious little, and Mikey was -
Arnold screamed. The sight of Mikey and Phoebe would haunt him forever. It was even worse than the time he'd seen Janet streaking across the street at midnight when Tim had dared her to - all the time sober.
(To make things worse, all the guys had seen her private bits - even him, and that's why he was scarred for life due to that incident. He punched Carlos when he offered to comfort Arnold - as if anyone could comfort him at that point - by saying, "She's got a nice rack."
Although Phoebe also did have a nice pair.)
"Mikey and Phoebe," Arnold said dumbly. "Phoebe and Mikey."
"That is so not right. I mean, it goes against the natural order of things. I can't see what she sees in Mikey," Carlos grumbled.
"I can see what he sees in her. Who'd have thought, after all this time, Phoebe's boobs were bigger than Wanda's?" Arnold pointed out.
Carlos frowned. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that. I've always thought of Phoebe as a little sister, and now, my brother was about to hit a home run with her. It's like, incest," Carlos shivered.
"If she was your sister-in-law, she'd be married to Mikey and procreating anyway," Arnold said. "So either way, it's scary, but not necessarily wrong."
"But Mikey?" Carlos said. He shrugged. "Well, let's get back to the real thing." Carlos pushed open the door to his room -
And now it was Arnold's turn to scream until his lungs gave out.
When Arnold came to, he saw Ralphie and Carlos peering over him, and the close proximity made him freak out and scream again. That only served to make Ralphie, who was the closest to him to scream aloud, and the two boys began to outscream each other, whilst Carlos stuck his fingers in his ears to keep himself from growing deaf.
"Don't ever do that again!" Arnold panted, once out of breath. "What happened?" he asked when he had calmed down.
"You fainted," Carlos said, matter-of-factly. "And I'm in your room."
"Why did you scream?" Ralphie asked. "I heard you from a mile away."
"He means his house, which is next door," Carlos interjected. Ralphie showed Carlos the finger. Carlos showed it right back.
"Your room. It's a mess," Arnold said
Well, that was sort of true. Carlos' books an papers were scattered on the desk, and although the floor was relatively clean, he had shirts lying on the chairs.
"It's not that bad," Ralphie said.
"It would be for Dorothy Ann. She has a fear of dirt and germs."
"You're kidding," Carlos said.
"What the hell is a fear of germs?" Ralphie asked. "Germs are everywhere! How can she be afraid of them?"
"But my room isn't that messy!" Carlos whined.
"Er, yes, it is."
"You're such a girl, Arnold."
"Takes one to know one."
"So you're admitting you both are girls?" Ralphie interjected.
"This isn't helping," Carlos said. "Arnold, you have to help D.A. overcome this fear."
"Really?" Arnold said shrilly. "I can think of two reasons why I should not. Firstly: I'm the ex-boyfriend. Secondly: I have a fear of germs than DA."
Arnold ran out of the room (and did his best to avoid Mikey's room), leaving Carlos and Ralphie alone.
"Dude, you've gotta help me."
Ralphie said, "Sure, buddy." Then his eyes widened. "No freaking way. Dorothy Ann is a freaking nutcase. She'd kill me and then kill little cowardly you."
Only he didn't say freaking both times, if you know what I mean.
Carlos pounced on him and began wrestling around. "You freaking idiot."
Only he didn't say freaking or idiot, either.
The two boys commended to wrestle and punch out each others daylights, when Phoebe came in and screamed.
It was Phoebe screaming that stopped the fight.
"Phoebe, what's wrong?" The two boys asked.
"No wonder D.A. was running out of the house when I got here!" Phoebe wailed.
"My room is not that messy!" Carlos yelled.
"No, but you and Ralphie are gay!" Phoebe said. "Don't try to deny it! I saw you guys on the floor together."
"I was punching his daylights out," Carlos explained. "He kind of insulted Dorothy Ann."
"You wish!" Then, to Phoebe, Ralphie said, "While Carlos here was attempting to punch my daylights out for no apparent reason -"
"You insulted Dorothy Ann!"
Ralphie shot him a look and showed him the finger.
"He wrestled me to the ground," Ralphie finished. Then, he looked at Phoebe carefully. "Phoebe, your buttons aren't put on properly. And I can see your bra."
"I can't believe you told him!" Phoebe wailed.
"Me? I didn't say a word!" Carlos defended yourself.
But Phoebe was hysterical by this point. "You lying - how could you tell him about Mikey and I? That was supposed to be a secret!"
"Wait a second, Mikey and Phoebe? Did I hear wrong?" Ralphie asked. That shut Phoebe up, but not Carlos.
"I want it to remain a secret, Phoebe! I don't want anyone to have seen you and Mikey like that!"
"Like what?" Ralpie said. "I mean, so let's get the facts. Phoebe's in your house. Mikey's in the house. You're in the house." Ralphie's eyes widened. "D.A. walked in on your threesome!"
"No, genius," Carlos scoffed. "She really is afraid of dust and germs. And you, you're going to help me."
"Why me?" Ralphie whined.
"Because you're my best friend in the world and you're here - unlike Tim - and you haven't been romantically involved with her - like Arnold has - and you are even dirtier than I am and you always find a way. So please!"
"On one condition: you don't throw your end-of-summer at my place."
"Sure."
"And you be my slave."
Carlos frowned. "Don't push it."
Ralphie left, and Carlos began to think of a perfect way to get his revenge on Arnold for disappearing.
It had been too easy. His mom was away, and even if she came, she liked Dorothy Ann. Everyone liked Dorothy Ann. She was smart and pretty (and way out of Carlos' league, everyone said), and totally gullible. He said he needed her over at his house for some Calculus thing (obviously, Dorothy Ann did not remember that Ralphie didn't have Calculus).
"So, where are we going to study, Ralphie?"
Playing the ignorant boy to perfection, Ralphie said innocently, "In my room." Looking at DA, careful to appear apologetic, he said, "It's going to take a lot of paper, and mom doesn't like me studying downstairs in front of the TV."
That was lame! Ralphie thought.
Dorothy Ann, beyond belief, bought it.
Climbing up the stairs, Ralphie opened the door, said, "After you," allowing D.A. (like a gentleman) to enter first, and once Dorothy Ann was in, he jammed the door shut (and nailed it too, just to be sure), as D.A. banged and banged on the door demanding to be let out.
"You're going to stay there until you stop being afraid of dirt!"
"But Ralphie! Why! And it's so dirty! - Oh my goodness! That pizza must be at least three days old! - Ralphie!"
But Ralphie had already left the house. He'd be deaf if he heard Dorothy Ann screaming for much longer.
Arnold was minding his business at the mall, when suddenly, a freshman girl he vaguely recognised began to follow him. To make sure, he went to the top floor and then to the bottom floor, and the girl was still following him.
He tried to escape, but then he saw another girl from the opposite direction looking intently at him.
Like she was going to - gulp! - eat him.
He quickly moved away, and went up the elevator to the top floor. By that time, there were about fifteen freshman girls following him. He turned to run and banged into Wanda.
"I think you need to look where you're going, Arnold," Wanda said, as she landed on her bottom.
"Uhh, sorry," Arnold said, giving her a hand. "Up you go." He yanked her close to him. "I need our help."
"What, Perlstein?" Wanda said angrily, shoving him away. "Ask Phoebe."
"Why Phoebe?"
"Besides your almost-there-but-otherwise-non-existent-sexual tension?" Wanda shrugged. "Phoebe adores you, you know."
"Phoebe's not here. She's too busy shacking up with Mikey."
"With Mikey?" Wanda said, horrified. "She's so stupid! And dead!"
"Why?"
"Because Janet wanted to," she looked around, nervously, "Deflower Mikey."
Arnold would have screamed, but Wanda clamped her hand over his mouth. "Are you serious?" Arnold said, once he could talk.
"I am going to kill Phoebe."
"First, help me get out of here unscathed."
It was then that Wanda noticed the girls following Arnold. "Are you serious? Why would they follow you? Besides the fact you're good-looking and everything. They never did that before!"
"Well, help me," he hissed.
He forgot to say discreetly, because Wanda later, with her hands on her hips said, "Oy, bitches! Get your pervert eyes away and stop stalking my man!"
Wanda may be tiny, but her voice was inhumanly loud, and frightening too. The girls quickly scurried away.
"I am going to kill Phoebe," Wanda then announced.
"What? Why? Phoebe's never done anything bad to you!" Arnold defended Phoebe.
"No, she only just had sex with Mikey Ramon when Janet wanted to screw him!"
Arnold winced. By now, half the mall had heard what she had said.
"I mean, she wanted you. And now she got Mikey - the girl's so freaking selfish! And now she's going to get Janet on her nerves and Janet's going to massacre me."
"Don't you mean assassinate? Or kill?" Arnold ventured. Wanda threw him a withering look.
"I am trying to be dramatic. Obviously, you don't know how your cousin can be."
"She isn't that bad."
"She is. And Phoebe just likes to get on her nerves."
"She does not!"
"She does too!"
"Phoebe is sweet!"
"Phoebe is a virago! Her life is dedicated to claiming all the guys in the world for herself! She blackmailed me into dumping you, and you, Arnold! You have fallen into that vixen's clutches!"
"No I have not!"
"Yes you have!"
They continued screaming out loud, in the middle of the mall.
It went on for fifteen minutes straight, before they each received a text message from Carlos. It read: Party at Tim's in 10 mins. You guys better come. Tim's not home, his parents are out of town, and I've got the keys! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The whole class is coming. Be there or be square!
"Be there or be square? Carlos can be so lame," Wanda said, keeping her cellphone.
There was something extra for Arnold: Enjoy being stalked?
"I would like to kill Carlos just once," Arnold said. "It was so embarrassing."
"That's Carlos."
"So, Phoebe really blackmailed you into dumping me?"
"Yep," Wanda grinned. "It turned out for the better, though, huh? Didn't think Terese had it in her."
"Nope," Arnold shrugged. "But I still think we would have made a good couple," Arnold insisted. "Although if Phoebe had asked me, I wouldn't have said no."
"Arnold, you think every couple which has you as one-half of it is a good couple. Even if the other half was Ralphie."
"At the risk of sounding conceited, I'm going to say I agree with that. And what's wrong with Ralphie, anyway? He's not that bad looking. I think we'd make a nice couple." The words were out before Arnold could take them back.
Wanda frowned, and then grinned. "Hah! I knew you were gay for Ralphie!"
"What - I, no! Wanda, I like girls," Arnold cried, but Wanda was already singing 'Arnold's gay for Ralphie' all the way to the car. They decided to drive to Tim's together, since Arnold came by foot, but Arnold soon began wishing he was in Timbuktu, because of Wanda's annoying song.
(He forgot to ask what Phoebe blackmailed Wanda with, when she got Wanda to dump him.)
"Damn, Carlos, this is some party!" Ralphie said, shirt off, with some of the cheerleaders (excluding Wanda, Keesha and Janet).
"Where's Dorothy Ann, Ralphie? I haven't seen her," Carlos asked, looking over the crowd.
"Dorothy Ann?" Ralphie said, dumbly.
"My girlfriend?" Carlos repeated. "A girl we've known since before third grade? I swear to God, Ralphie, if something's happened to her, I will personally castrate you!"
"Oooh!" The cheerleaders went.
"Chill, Carlos, she's in my room!"
"Why isn't she here?"
"Because I locked her in!"
"Why the hell did you do that for?"
"Because you wanted me to cure her of that thing she has with germs and that sort of thing!"
"Ralphie, your room is toxic!"
Ralphie frowned. "No it's not. I live there."
"For her, you idiot!" Then, he muttered in something which sounded vaguely Spanish under his breath.
"Err, dude, you were speaking in Spanish!" Ralphie, ever the Captain Obvious, stated.
"Oh, well, I just said that you totally ruined my chances with her. All I wanted was for you to help me help her overcome that fear of dirt, but no, you had to kill her! She'll never forgive me." Carlos sank onto a couch.
"Dude, are you crying?"
"No," Carlos said, his head turned away from Ralphie.
"Aww, come on; I'm your best friend in the whole world!"
"Carlos Ramon and Ralph Tennelli," came a voice. They turned around, and saw D.A. in clean, pristine clothes, dressed differently from when Ralphie had left her in his room.
"D.A.!" Carlos stood up. "D.A., I'm so sorry I -"
"I guessed your plan, Carlos," Dorothy Ann said sternly. "And I must say that the idea of me getting over the fear was sweet, but you should have just apologised first."
Carlos hung his head. Dorothy Ann turned to Ralphie. "And you?"
Ralphie gulped.
"That was some hare-brained idea. Carlos, I don't understand how or why you enlisted Ralphie to help me get over my fear of dirt -"
DA drew out an exaggerated pause.
"- But it worked."
"Oh yeah!" The two friends high-fived each other.
"But," Dorothy Ann wasn't finished. "It was at a very high price - for Ralphie, at least."
"What?" Ralphie ejaculated.
"I took the liberty of cleaning your room Ralphie. It is now so clean and organised, you won't be able to find anything immediately."
Ralphie groaned.
"Except your stash of porn."
Ralphie brightened.
"Because I threw it all out. And I think the garbage was taken today, so -"
Ralphie paled. "You didn't." He looked like he was about to cry, then furiously turned against Carlos. "Your girlfriend - is evil."
He stalked off, probably about to drown his sorrows in beer.
"Want to dance, D.A.?"
Dorothy Ann raised her eyebrows.
"I'm sorry?" Carlos said.
Dorothy Ann took his proffered hand. Whilst dancing, Carlos asked, "How did you know about Ralphie's Playboy magazines?"
"According to my research, it was Ralphie who had a subscription under his father's name to his house. I cancelled the subscription of course, for his mother's sake."
Carlos hid a smile, and said, "Ralphie's going to be pissed. - How'd you get out, by the way?"
"The balcony, Carlos."
"You're amazing," he said as twirled her around.
Arnold and Wanda arrived in time to see Janet talking to Mikey. They were both sure that Carlos didn't know Mikey was around, because despite his partying ways, Carlos didn't want Mikey to go the same route. Mikey was stubborn, though, and said it wasn't fair for Carlos to be able to party and still get weirdly paranormally good grades. At any rate, Mikey was being cornered by Janet.
But the whole thing was blown when Mikey caught sight of Phoebe. He wheeled up to her, pulled her onto his lap, and gave her a nice, long kiss in front of the whole crowd.
There were hushed whispers and sighs when Janet broke the couple's embrace with a bloodcurdling scream. She slapped Phoebe and pulled her out of the wheelchair to land her a facer, but Phoebe dodged it. She began an expletive-laden tirade which caused straight-laced D.A. to wince each time she heard it.
"Hold up, Janet!" Keesha, who was across the room, came over and slapped Janet's mouth shut. "What's your problem? So Phoebe's with Mikey. It's weird and disgusting -"
("Hey!" Phoebe interjected.)
"But they're together, so deal with it," Keesha ended.
"She gets to blackmail Wanda into dumping Arnold and now she gets Mikey? You've got to be -?"
"Are you serious?" Keesha turned to Phoebe.
"Err," Phoebe said, unintelligently, and burst into tears.
"Oh God, don't cry, Phoebe," Keesha tried to console her.
"No, it's true. I did blackmail Wanda into dumping Arnold, because I was so passionately in love with him -"
The crowd oohed as Arnold turned a bright shade of red.
"You guys aren't helping, so shut up!" Keesha said.
"- But he wouldn't ask me. And I decided I couldn't wait forever. And I always liked Mikey - he's such a great guy and such a wonderful lover -"
The crowd was stunned into silence, and Mikey turned a proud shade of pink.
("I really did not need to know that," Carlos muttered, squeezing Dorothy Ann's arm. "I can't believe my younger brother lost his virginity before me!"
"I can't believe Phoebe lost her virginity before me," Dorothy Ann said.
"Yeah, but you've taken a vow of abstinence until marriage.")
Janet let out another bloodcurdling scream.
"Look, Janet, I know you wanted to - erm - deflower Mikey," Wanda said. "But there are plenty of other fish in the sea!"
Janet shot Wanda a look. "But Mikey's the only paraplegic guy in Walkerville that is remotely good-looking. He'd be such a good lay! I mean, think of the wheelchair! I mean, can you think of kinkier sex?"
"Is that all? Just for kinky sex?" Keesha asked. Janet nodded. "Gee, I hate to tell you this Janet, but you really are a -"
There was a screeching of wheels, and the gang poured out of the living room to the outside, to see Tim dressed up, channeling the Fonz, with black leather jacket and pants, on a nice motorcycle.
"Oh man, I thought he was coming back next week," Carlos fretted.
"Is that a Harley?" Wanda asked, gripping Ralphie's arm. "He freaking bought a Harley!"
"That is so hot," Janet said, mesmerised.
"Oh man," Arnold said. Tim took off his helmet and walked towards the gang.
"Carlos," Tim finally spoke. "You threw a party at my house."
Carlos, holding DA's arm, was as white as a ghost.
"You aren't riding my bike," Tim said, with a note of finality.
"No!" Carlos wailed.
"And neither can you guys, because you let Carlos go on with his asinine ideas. All of you are going to clean up this mess when the party's over."
The seven of them nodded.
("I throw the party, and he gets the credit," Carlos wailed.)
"Tim," Janet sidled up next to Tim. "Do you know, I just think you, and that," pointing to his whole leather jacket and pants and motorbike ensemble, "Is so hot."
"Speak. I'm listening," Tim said, amused.
"Do you know of a private place we could go?" Janet asked.
"Well, as a matter of fact, I do," Tim said.
"Can I ride the bike?" A random guy, Harry Arm, yelled out.
"Go ahead," Tim said, waving his hands, and leading Janet into the house.
The others were all shocked.
"You didn't get my blessing!" Arnold yelled.
"Therein goes your promiscuous cousin," Carlos said. "Tim's going to enjoy himself."
"Yeah, Janet does have a nice rack," Ralphie said.
"Shut up," Arnold said, wearily.
"That girl is so dangerous," Ralphie said.
Meanwhile, Harry Arm had revved the engine, and ran into a fire hydrant, tossing him into the air. He did a series of tumbles in the air, and fell on his arm with a sickening crunch, and screamed as if it was kingdom come.
"Hey, Harry Arm broke his arm!" Carlos said.
"Carlos!"
Fin
A/N: For the ultimateSora, who is the backbone of all those Phoebe/Mikey shippers out there. I, personally, think it's cute! Also, for all the readers who read this fanfic and burst out of their seams laughing - this is for you guys!
Note: This is a reply to the ultimateSora's fanfic challenge. The requirements are:
- Ralphie helps D.A. overcome a physical fear
- Wanda and Arnold have a screaming fight over something Phoebe did
- Someone streaks while sober
- Carlos throws a party at someone in the gang's house when that person's parents are gone for the weekend
- Arnold has a bunch of freshman girls following him around
- Janet slaps Phoebe for something Phoebe did
- Phoebe's caught in a closet with a guy (any guy)
- Tim buys a motorcycle which gets Janet's attention (good or bad)
- Someone breaks an arm