AN: GWNI Prompt: First time for everything
AN: I make no profit from this. It is completely satirical.
Rain lashed the outsides of the tent, but the more dangerous situation brewed inside it.
"Did you just strike me with a lantern?" asked Tom, his large left hand still covering the side of his face. A terry cloth hand towel was pressed firmly to the cut against his cheekbone, and he glared at Hermione from his dark, dark, venomous eye. The functional one. The other was currently swollen shut.
"Did you just make another backhanded comment about this camping trip? And oops, my hand must have slipped, what with me having such inferior grip and all," she said, rifling through the compact, white metal chest of first aid supplies. "You did restock this before we left, didn't you? Where did you put the acetaminophen?"
"The what?" Both Tom's eyes were closed now as he sat hunched over his lap.
"The acetaminoph—"
"If you mean the Tylenol, then no, I didn't replace it. I didn't intend to come down with a case of psychotic oversensitive demon bitch girlfriend while we were camp—You swing that at me again and I will be very upset, Hermione!" he cried, lifting his other hand protectively in front of his face.
Hermione huffed through her nose and fought the urge to roll her eyes. But she carefully put away the first aid tin, where she could find it again, and, after a moment of debate, where Tom could see it.
"Well, perhaps you should have thought of that before you confessed to stealing my thesis proposal, you utter git," she said, honey eyes flashing as she moved to her own personal bags. "Hold on, I may have some here in my bag."
"Be quick about it, would you? This has swollen shut. You could have broken my eye socket, you know." He muttered a few things under his breath that Hermione was quite sure she was glad not to hear.
My apologies, Princess, she thought uncharitably.
"Here, try this," she said, offering him two round white tablets and a thermos-cup of water.
"What's this?"
"About to be wasted if you don't shut up and appreciate them," she snapped, shoving them at him one last time.
"Fine," he muttered, and swallowed the pills and water. "But what was it?"
"Midol, extra strength."
"You gave me your menstrual medication!"
"Before you jump down my throat, and I'd like to remind you, I have a fully working set of depth perception right now and a firm right hook, Tom, try it. If it is enough to help me, it may be enough to help you, at least temporarily. When the storm lets up we can hike back to the ranger station and pick up some more Tylenol."
Glaring at her from his one good eye, Tom let out a long, low huff under his breath and sat quietly.
Not even fifteen minutes later, Hermione glanced over to find him lowering his cloth and gingerly patting at the swollen skin.
"Bit better?" she asked, lowering her book and flashlight.
"It took the edge off," he admitted after a moment.
"That's good. Relax and get some rest."
"There's a first time for everything. No wonder you keep this on you, it seems quite potent. So, is the reason you were so unreasonable about me borrowing from your thesis topic the fact that you were on your period—gods FUCK woman, that's my other eye! You beast!"
"Here's a thought: let's see if me smashing in your smug, conceited face fixes your hubris problem. There's a first time for everything!"
"Of course it won't!"
"Well maybe it'll make me feel better in the meantime, then!"
Both breathing hard, Hermione shook her head in disgust and crawled into her sleeping bag.
It was not long after that she heard Tom stumbling around in his, knocking things over, that she heard him curse and mumble, "More Midol?"
"Nope!"