-Memories and Dreams-
Leaving was the hardest part. Watching everyone and everything vanish into darkness. I have yet to forget. How could I? He was there for me the whole time. Funny, how things seem once they are not there any more. I never realized how much it would hurt leaving him standing there; with that look in his eyes, his face trying not to break, his voice whispering for only me to hear.
Everything I look at brings back memories. I still have the dress he made me. Such love and care went into it. WHY CAN'T I JUST MOVE ON? On the outside I look normal. Always playing a puppet when inside I feel like my heart is dying. I look around and all I see is people trying to be someone they are not. Lies, pain, loneliness, and desperation are everywhere. Love isn't real here. Trust is destroyed in mere seconds. Imagination is banned. I feel so alone here. I cry every night and I feel my mind slowly fade away. I feel void of all emotion.
Sleep. My only salvation in this Hell. That is EXACTLY what this place is. A prison. But my dreams torture me. They throw my words back into my face and laugh at me. I kept insisting that haven was all a dream. He was a dream. Now, in my dreams, he's not there. I try so hard to see his eyes, his face, his shadow. But I'm rewarded with darkness and emotion. Why couldn't I just stayed? Yes, I had things left to do, but I would go back in a second if I could.
Odd, the moment I came back and shocked the whole party, my mother sent me away. Said I needed help. That my delusions clouded my judgment and I needed to be cured. I am perfectly sane! I do not belong here! How am I to get help when I'm given so much time to reflect on my regrets and losses? These bars closing in on me everyday, those voices through the hallways echoing in my head every moment. I need him. I need the Mad Hatter. I have so much to tell him. They tried to let me keep a mirror once. I shattered it when I couldn't get through. They said I had " suicidal tendancies." In reality, I have no wish to kill myself, but if that is the only way to be with him, so be it. Until then, I refuse to eat , drink, or sleep till I can be free of this place.