Odo stared through his quarters window. In the next room, his love, Kira Nerys slept. Content in the after math of their passionate love-making. Her previous orgasmic cries continued to echo in his ears and her delicate, feather like kiss' remained tattooed on his replicated skin. Nevertheless, he couldn't help think how long he'd waited for her. About the lonely, shadowed days when he saw her with other men. Bareil, Shakaar. How he wished he'd been them. Only to wake to reality. Barely able to hold back the tears threatening to escape his broken heart.
Placing his forefinger and thumb on opposite ends of his chin he willingly went through painful memories. One by one. While desperately clinging to sanity through searing heat of hate, loneliness, shame and so many other emotions attached to his love for the woman he now called his.
Retracing his life he remembered the day the Vorta had landed on the station. When every Star-fleet personnel abandoned DS9. Leaving Kira, Quark, Rom, the captains son, Jake, and himself behind. He could clearly hear himself tell the female changeling his feelings towards the major.
"I'm so venerable to her." He'd admitted, without care to who he spoke. "All she has to do is smile at me and I'm happy beyond reason. A minor disagreement between us and I'm devastated. Its absurd! Sometimes I wish I could reach inside myself and tear out my feelings for her... but I can't"
Using new found knowledge of griefe and despair she guided him away from truths and rights to lies and wrongs. To his own damned bed. Tricking him to make love to her. Like humanoids.
Hearing the Female Changelings following question nearly sent him whirling back to Bajor. With a crashing thunderous roar. Those words. Such a simple question.
"And you regret not having experienced it with major Kira?" She asked. Detached.
"I'd rather not discuss major Kira."
"I don't see why not. When we link your feelings for her are made very clear."
"Then why do you insist that we talk about it."
After three days of meaningless sex Odo had been closer to seeing the person behind the veil. Still, his morals alluded him. And not for the first time that stupid day.
Then bad got worse. That same stupid day he learned the major was sentenced to death. Her smile sentenced to death. Her brave, caring heart sentenced to death. And not because of her, to say, but he knew it was because of him. He'd let down the one person he cared more than life itself. Nerys. It was because of him she was sentenced to die. Sentenced for his foolishness. His own selfish needs.
"How stupid was I?" He said, shaking his head. "Hah, stupid and foolish!"
Then the question arose for the umpteenth time."Why is she with me when...when I almost sent her to her death? It was my fault Rom, Leeta, Jake, the entire Alpha quadrant and... my love... were at peril. Nearly killed like Cardassian voles."
Light steps behind him came to a halt and ran a slim finger down his back. Tracing out lazy patterns. "Because its not your fault. So I don't blame you." The voice said, trying to quell his personal hell.
He arched his brows defeated. "You were...listening?"
He turned facing the naked major. Beauty radiated off from every spot of her creamy flesh. Nodding her head she encircled him in her embrace. Pressing her warmth to his timid form.
"You know that's not true." He dared a glance at Kira and to his shock saw her crestfallen. He hated seeing her sad. More so when he was the cause. "... thank you. " He said, despising himself even further for what needed to be said. For what he had to take off his chest to come out the other end in descent shape. If he didn't he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Not when doubt hung in still air. Not when his guilt balanced on thin line waiting to tumble and crash, shattering their relationship. And so despite the tightness suffocating him he trudged on. Into the ruins of his conscious. "Nerys, its hard to think you were nearly taken from me. Torn from my life because of my want of the Link. I don't think I can allow myself to forget the past. Especially leave it there. So.." He ran a finger down the side of her face trying to memorize her simple beauty. Memorize her natural wonder in case he lost her in the end. In case she came to her senses. "I have to know how you could. How can you see past my mistakes? I've done so many horrible..."
She placed a delicate finger to his thin lips. Tempting to quiet his pain. Minimize his rushing thoughts because her own became a cascading waterfall. Lapping into each other. Thoughts and feelings, past and future, maybe and already's, mistakes and perfections became one. An overwhelming frenzy too difficult to correct with words. The only way she knew how to answer was to show him her love, trust. Her forgiveness. She didn't hate him. She couldn't even if she tried. Her pagh was one with his and that could never be undone. She belonged to him in body and spirit.
"Sssshhhh, my Odo."
"Nerys?" His voice trembled with nerves. Though, he knew precisely what was to come he needed to hear the answer. "Please, I need to know. How? Why?"
However he couldn't help himself. He was a slave to her. Forever enchanted. Softly pressing his lips to hers he kissed her for all his worth. He hated when they foregone reason and lept on one another like Valcuns in pon farr.
"Please, please, please?" He begged.
Odo scarcely held onto sanity before being swept away in the amazing, breath-taking currents. To be temporarily lost in the vast seas of her body. Just to land on hard ground when it was over and done with.
"I'll show you." She said, caressing the sides of his face. Near his ears. Pulling him to her she locked her lips securely with his. "Come to bed with me, Odo."
He roughly pinned her up to hard wall and began his gradual changleing undress. The while inspecting her body with his lips. Running his hands on the already naked person before him.
Not now! We need to know. Don't give up, Odo. A small frightened voice within him pleaded. Not tomorrow! Not when your done! She won't answer you. Its a now or never!
Tomorrow she will. His body screamed. Louder than the quivering plea. When your done. We can't deny her. She wants you. She loves you. Isn't that enough? Give in, Odo. Relax.
In the blink of an eye the small voice was swallowed up by the powerful screams of his body. Losing its battle. Simply to battle the same battle tomorrow and the day after that. To continue on until the unavoidable occurred or when it ceased to matter.
Resting his head on her shoulder he forced himself to concentrated on his surroundings. To no avail. He'd lost all control. The man all knew as orderly vanished and in his place an incoherent beast appeared. Claiming that what's rightly his. Kissing her neck he whispered sweet nothings into her ear. His breath tickling her places many she loved could not reach.
"Ah, Nerys. Oh, my beautiful, strong Nerys can't you see how much I need you? How much I love you? Your my link. Your all I ever need. I'm so, so sorry."
Lolling her head back she answered his question. Regardless of what he was doing to her. "I can never blame you. Your not perfect and neither am I. " She sighed, running her fingers through his golden hair.
"Its hard to believe such answer."
"Why?"
"Whenever I see you, love." He kissed her neck, running his silk hands through her soft hair. "All I see is what I almost let happen."
"Then don't think about."
"How can't I? How can I allow myself to forget?"
"Don't forget. Learn."
"What about you? Is that what you've done?
"Yes, life is a learning experience. From birth to death."
He raised her atop the window pane and despite the all encompassing darkness of the universe saw his own crisp reflection. He felt great for being the one chosen to love Nerys from among the billions of aliens in the quadrants. More so when he finally received the answer he craved. He was a damn lucky bastard if he said so himself.
"From conception to the prophets temple." He said, glancing into her care-worn deep set hazel eyes. "I.."
Holding his head between her palms she gave him a quick peck and finished his sentence."So do I."