A/N: Hi guys! Another Rookie Blue fic here. I got the idea from a House fic I read a long time ago and I really liked its structure. This takes place after that heartbreaking finale (for us Sam/Andy fans). Basically, this is just Sam's thoughts after he walks away from Andy in the final scene. So, please read and tell me what you think! :)
Disclaimer: Rookie Blue doesn't belong to me. Unfortunately.
He Wants, He Needs
He wants to love Andy McNally. But he needs to remember that love is a dangerous thing.
He wants her to know that it's her, that it's always been her ever since he first set eyes on her all those months ago. He needs her to understand that the only reason he gave her a hard time was because he'd never felt that way before and that irritated him; he was a cop for chissake and here he was acting like a 13 year old boy.
He wants her to smile at him like she did outside the Penny that night after their first day as partners. He needs to feel her stand that close to him again, her intoxicating scent filling his nostrils, stirring feelings in him that he really shouldn't be feeling. He wants to taste her lips on his, the tears he knew she had shed before she arrived on his doorstep still lingering on them. He needs to feel her smooth, bare skin under his as her hands roamed freely over his chest, desperately searching for something, anything to give her the comfort she needed. He wants to believe that she, too, thinks about that night and what could've been had the lights not come on. But he needs to keep his sanity so when she insists on "being friends", he puts his game face on and plays along, when all it does is tear him apart inside.
He wants to figure out what makes her tick, what makes her so afraid to let people in. But he needs to give her time because things like that never came out all nice and simple, something he understands since he has a few skeletons of his own. He wants her to stop doubting herself as an officer because even though she may not believe it, he knows that she'll make an outstanding cop. But he needs to remember that when you're a rookie, everything you do seems like your latest and greatest screw up even if you did everything you were supposed to.
He wants to punch Callaghan in the face, beating him to his senses until he realizes that the only thing that should matter to him has been right in front of him since the beginning. He needs her to understand that even if Callaghan can't make time for her, he always will because nothing takes priority over her. He wants her to trust him to be there whenever she needs him because he will, no matter when, no matter where, no matter what. He needs her to know that he's always got her back because they're partners and because maybe he wants to be so much more than that. But he needs to remember that she's Callaghan's, that she's a rookie, that she's off-limits for so many other reasons it kills him to think of them all.
He wants to go back to when they were at the Mermaid Lounge, him playing Gabe, her playing Edie, just another couple madly in love, taking each day as it came as they reveled in each other's presence. He needs to see her look at him again like he's the only one that matters to her, like he's the only thing she needs to get her through the day. He wants her to understand that when he kissed her as he was about to leave with Angel, he didn't do so as Gabe but as Sam because he knew that very well could've been his last chance to feel her lips on his. He needs her to know that as he left the building in Angel's car, he did so fully resolved on the fact that he would never see her beautiful face again.
He wants to believe that when he calls her name and she turns around after the bust, the look in her shining, hazel eyes is one of relief, happiness, and something else he wishes she would say to him. He needs to assure her that he's okay, that he's alive because she had his back just like he's had hers so many times before. He wants to tell her that he can't be "just friends" anymore, that he can't go around pretending like she doesn't mean more to him because everyday that he does so is another day his heart spends in anguish and today proved that. He needs her to see the pain written on his face when they both glance back to Callaghan already working diligently to secure the scene.
He wants so many things but unfortunately for him, what he needs doesn't coincide. He wants to take her into his arms and hold her there forever. He needs to know that she hasn't changed, that she's still Andy after working the streets. He wants to wake up with her cradled against his chest, her beautiful hazel eyes staring up at him as he kisses her good morning. He needs to tell her that he can't imagine a future without her and that he'll wait for her for as long as it takes. He wants her, all of her but he needs to remember that you can't always get what you want.
He wants to pluck up the courage to say all this but instead all he comes up with is, "See you tomorrow, copper.", trying desperately to keep the heartbreak from his voice. He needs to keep his sanity and this is probably the only way he can do that.
He wants to love Andy McNally. But he needs to let her go so he gives her one last rueful smile and walks away.
A/N: Thoughts? Comments? I wrote this while I was supposed to be studying for a giant Anatomy test so needless to say it served as a major distraction for the last couple days. XD Anyways, let me know what you think! :)