the title is from poison & wine by the civil wars

i.

It's hard to believe that finally he's done with all of the preparation. After college and classes and the internship as a teacher's assistant, he's finally a teacher. It's what he's wanted to do since. . .forever, basically. His life is finally beginning, and it's looking pretty great.

And then there's the girl he met at the bar, the college student who's beautiful and smart and seems to have basically everything in common with him. He can't wait to talk to her again. He can't wait to see her again. He pushes any thoughts of Jackie out of his mind, because this is his fresh start. He doesn't have to be the guy with the engagement that fell through anymore. In fact, he doesn't have to explain that it fell through anymore, because everyone knows, and it's far enough in the past that he doesn't have to talk about to everyone. He can finally move on.

So he doesn't know how he ends up standing in front of his class, looking at the girl who he met in the bar, because apparently when she said she was leaning towards English as her major, it wasn't so much that she was a freshman in college who was still undecided. The only words he manages to choke out are 'holy crap' as a million thoughts run screaming through his mind.

Stuff like 'oh god I'm one of those creeps' and 'nice job screwing up your first teaching job' and 'what's next on the docket, emailing nude photos to your students?' and finally she looks up looks at him with the same shock he feels mirrored on her face. They both just stare at each other for an uncomfortable moment, and he clears his throat to say something, which is really kind of a useless thing to do. What's he going to say, anyways? The other students are feeling the discomfort, too, and just when it looks like everything's going to fall apart, her phone beeps, breaking the silence, and some of the tension goes away. She quickly grabs her phone, and stops the beeping, giving an uncomfortable 'sorry'.

He considers saying something in response to that, but instead decides to try and ignore the awkward moment, and introduces himself, "Uh, I'm Mr. Fitz. Your new English teacher."

ii.

He walks out after the conversation with Aria, and he wonders how how it turned out this way. He was supposed to have a fresh start, with his first teaching job. His life was supposed to get simpler. Sure, he probably had been idealistic about how this job would affect his life, but this is just. . .ridiculous. He shouldn't be dealing with the aftereffects of kissing a student (he didn't know, he didn't know - if he'd known he wouldn't have done it.) He shouldn't have to continually remind himself that it's illegal, he can't pursue this relationship.

He also thinks about those times he heard stories about student/teacher relationships, and how he'd rolled his eyes, because he would never put himself in a situation like that. The irony isn't lost on him.

Mostly, though, he thinks about how badly he's screwed things up, and how even though he knows exactly what to say to keep this situation from getting any worse, he doesn't want to do it.

Oh, and also that he's an idiot.

iii.

He kissed her.

He just - he couldn't let her go.

He's an idiot, he really is.

(But he's so glad he did it.)