Missing You
Kai never got what love was, and what losing someone was all about. That is, until he lost the girl he never knew he cared most for. Sometimes, losing someone can make you realize just how much you actually love the person.
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Warning: Mild coarse language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.
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It's been 5 years.
5 years, damn it, and yet I'm still here, like some idiot waiting for his princess.
Whatever happened to all my dreams of travelling the world?
What happened to becoming a world renowned traveler?
…I guess you happened.
…Where did all my dreams go?
Just when, exactly, did I lose sight of all my goals, all my dreams, of everything?
…I guess it was around the time I lost you.
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It was the 1st day of Summer when I first saw you.
Back then, you were just some ordinary, plain looking blonde to me.
Your eyes, normal, your features, normal, your looks, normal.
Every single thing about you just screamed 'normal'.
And that was the kind of girl I would never waste my time on.
Little did I know that you were anything but normal.
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I'm stuck here in my stupid beach shack, with absolutely no one for company.
I just wish I would have someone to talk to me, to keep me occupied.
Anyone, anyone at all would be good enough.
But I suppose I don't want just anyone.
I want you.
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A few days later, you came to my shack and introduced yourself.
Claire…
Even that was a plain name.
You were Plain Jane, and I swore to myself, I would never be caught spending time with such a boring person like you.
It's strange how someone I thought to be so boring managed to change my life so much.
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I hate myself for calling you boring and plain all those years back.
I should never have thought that way about you.
You were beautiful, funny, amazing, wonderful and anything but plain.
But as I now know, what's said and done can't be taken back, no matter how damn hard you want to.
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You started visiting everyday, and you started talking to me.
I guess it wasn't so much your voice as your personality that attracted me to you.
Your personality, it was anything but normal.
It made me want to know more about you, to always want to be with you.
There was just… Something so… Special about it, that I always found myself being drawn to you.
And from them on, I found myself always hanging out with boring old Claire.
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I still remember calling you that.
'Boring Old Claire.'
It wasn't fair to you that I called you that, and yet, you put up with me.
I guess that's just one of the many things that made me want to get to know you.
And it was one of the many things I missed most when I lost you.
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Comparing you to Popuri, of course I'd pick her.
She's just got this… Energy about her.
She's pretty and cute, and definitely not boring.
I guess, she just seemed like the right choice for me.
But she wasn't.
You were always the right one for me, Claire.
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I guess that's why I chose Popuri over you.
I found myself drawn to you, but I had to tell myself.
Popuri would always be the right one for me.
No matter how damn much I wanted to hug and kiss you, I had to tell myself this.
"She's Boring Old Claire. Boring, boring, boring old Claire."
Hmph.
But you know when I told this to myself the most?
It was when you told me you loved me.
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It was the 26th of Summer when you told me…
Told me… That.
We were at my shack, and I can still remember how the conversation went exactly, word for word.
"So, Boring Old Claire, who do you think is the prettiest girl in this village?"
"Well… I think Elli."
"Elli? She's just as plain as you!" I laughed at you for thinking Elli, the only girl who was just as normal-looking as you, was pretty.
"What's wrong with that? Well, who do you think is the prettiest?"
I know I should have said you.
I should have said you.
I should just damn said it was you.
"Popuri, duh. She's pretty and cute, and way cooler than you, Boring Old Claire."
"…"
You didn't say anything after that, and I should have gotten it.
Why couldn't my dumbass mind just process it?
"Hey, why so quiet? Sad that I think Popuri's hotter than you?" I teased you, meaning it only as a joke.
A long silence passed before you said anything.
"Heh. You know what, Kai? I am sad. And you know why? Because that's how you'll always think. You'll always think of me as Boring Old Claire, and you'll always think that everyone is prettier or nicer or better than me."
"Hey, come on, can't take a joke, little Plain Girl?" I continued teasing you, still not getting the message.
"Yeah, I guess I can't," you smiled at me sadly, and never had I seen your eyes so full of sadness.
And with that, you made your way towards the door, and just before leaving, you said these words.
"You know what the sad thing about this is, Kai?" You said to me, your voice threatening to break any moment.
"Boring Old Claire loves you," you whispered just loud enough so I could hear, and without another word, you took off.
"Boring Old Claire loves you."
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You know why I remember this conversation so vividly?
Because it haunts me.
It haunts me every single damn day of my life, and I just can't get it to go away.
Because getting it to go away would mean erasing one of the few memories I actually have of you, and I can't bring myself to do that.
Even though they're all bad memories, I don't want to forget them.
I can't forget them.
They're all I have left of you, and I have to hold on to them as tight as I can.
When in fact, I should have held onto you as tight as I could, when I actually had the chance.
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As I was digesting what I'd just heard from you, Popuri barged in, with her annoyingly happy attitude.
She started rambling on about something, probably some chicken stuff I wouldn't care about.
Everything you said always interested me.
It was probably at that moment I realized that you were the one I wanted.
You'd always been the one I wanted.
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It's ironic, huh?
The moment I realized that you were the one I really wanted was just a few minutes after I lost you.
Even though I'd only known you for a year, I know now that I'd always been utterly and irrevocably in love with you.
And I would always be in love with you.
But it's just too late now, isn't it?
No matter how damn much I want you, I still can't have you.
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After the… Incident happened, we never talked to each other and never even looked at one another when we crossed paths.
God, I missed you.
I missed your chatter, your jokes…
Well, I guess I just missed you.
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Do you know why I'm still here?
Because I can't bear to leave you.
Even though we don't speak, I still love you.
I guess I have no right to say that, because I'm the one who ruined everything.
It's my fault, and like what I've already said.
No matter how damn hard I want to take back what I've said and done, I can't.
I know now that it just doesn't work that way.
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3 years later, on the 26th of Summer, you got engaged.
I was invited to your wedding, but…
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't see the woman I loved promise to love another man forever.
And so, while everyone gathered at the church to watch you and Cliff get married, I stayed in my shack, and for the first time ever, I cried for you, for me, and for what could have been, us.
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So, like I said.
It's been 5 damn years, and I'm still here.
I have no dreams now.
I have no goals in life.
I lost all of them the moment I lost you.
You're happy with Cliff now, and I know he'll treat you well, so I'm happy for you.
I'm glad you've found someone who will never call you boring or plain, and who will always think you're the prettiest and the nicest, and will always want you and no one else.
So yes, I'm happy that you have someone who can take care of you and protect you, to do things for you that I could never do.
I know Cliff will never call you Boring Old Claire or Plain Girl, so I'm glad you're with him now.
And even though I want to be with you so much that it hurts, I know Cliff is the right one for you, so all I can do now is sit here in my boring old shack alone.
Alone, regretting all the things I've done to you.
Alone, wishing I could be with you.
Alone, missing you.
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A/N: Thank you for reading my story!(: Reviews will be greatly apreciated, but please do not flame. It's my third fanfiction and I didn't think it was that great but I decided to upload it anyway. So please review! :D