Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or its characters.

Prologue: Last Resort

I took two deep breaths, closing my eyes and trying to relax, but nothing made me feel any better. I tried to block out the screech of my mother's screams and the tinkling of glass hitting the floor, but the harder I tried the louder they became.

"Randall, do not bring Clare into this!" I was thankful my father wasn't loud enough for me to hear – I didn't want to hear the horrible things he was saying about me.

I couldn't tell if the pain coursing through my body was physical or emotional. I couldn't tell which I wanted it to be. I just wanted it to go away, but everything I did made it worse. I'd tried everything – writing, drawing, music, even cutting – and now it seemed like there was only one way.

I pulled out a pen (resisting the urge to dig it into my skin) and paper, sighing and letting the tears fall onto the page.

Reasons to kill myself

My parents fighting.

It seemed weak. Then again, I was weak. Or was I strong? There had to be some courage involved in tying a rope around your neck.

My parents' fighting is my fault.

Was it really? I'd always told myself it wasn't, but I just wasn't sure about anything anymore.

1. My parents' fighting is my fault – or at least they think it is.

I let the corner of my mouth twitch up sadistically – I was satisfied with this one.

The pain just won't go away, no matter what I do.

There was just one more reason. But it didn't feel right, killing myself over a boy, even if his rejection had left me brokenhearted, crippled with pain.

Eli will never love me – and I think I'm in love with him.

The tears were flowing freely now, and as I gasped for breath, they poured into my mouth, choking me. Suicide was my only option.

But there has to be reasons not to... there had to be.

Reasons not to kill myself

God.

I bit my lip, staring at the page and trying to kill the feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me to change it, but it eventually got its way.

God (who may or may not (probably not)) exist.

I wracked my brain, desperately trying to find something else, at least one other reason that I should stay in this world. Was I really worth so little? If God was the only thing keeping me alive, maybe I should be with him.

Adam.

Resorting to listing people as reasons seemed pathetic at first, but I soon realized they might be the strongest reason ever.

Alli.

Darcy.

Mom.

I didn't really interact with my mother anymore – she was always too busy yelling and dodging the things Dad threw at her – but I still loved her, and I knew she loved me.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and after a moment of debating with myself, checked it.

Meet me at the dot in 20?

It was Eli. I smiled slightly, sending a quick 'Sounds great' and picking up the pencil again.

Eli.

There has to be hope. If I lost my hope, what did I have?

And I was sick of having nothing.

Okay, so this is either:

a. A prologue

b. A oneshot

So tell me if you think I should continue. Personally, I'm getting sick of Eclare fanfictions, but I like writing them, and judging by the thousands of them flooding FF, other people like reading them. Review sil vous plait :) (I asked nicely, and in partial French! How can you say no?)