disclaimer: i own nothing but the things you don't recognize.
enjoy.
begin again
opening
Entry 01 - 10 May
Sometimes I think I'm crazy.
If anyone ever finds this—or reads this, whatever, maybe they can help me decide if I'm insane or not because at this point I honestly don't know anymore.
Maybe I should just start by… explaining, I guess? God, how the hell do you explain something like this? Uh, well, for starters, I'm not Airi Yamada— I mean, I am, sort of, but not… entirely? Ugh, I'm not making any sense— Uh, okay, let me try and clear that up. Y'see I have these… memories, I suppose, from another life.
Did that make it easier? Even a little bit? Shit.
It's like this: I wasn't always Airi Yamada, I was someone else— I won't bother explaining who I was because, well, it doesn't really matter anymore because that person— she, me, whatever — is dead.
Physically, I mean.
I'm still here, uh, mentally anyhow and I guess 'soul'-ly too? God, this is giving me a headache.
Look.
I died, okay. And whether you believe that or not is, well, it doesn't really matter what you think because I know that to be true (but if you really want to, hey, call me crazy). I don't know what happened, I don't know why I'm here, I don't know why I remember dying, I don't know how—
...
I just do. I just am.
And I feel like I'm going crazy not|
(...)
(Would you like to save this document before closing? All new changes made will not be saved.)
[Document deleted.]
|xxx|
chapter one
Airi Yamada made a face at her mother, nose scrunched up in disdain, and stood up from the kitchen table, empty bowl in hand. "Summer camp?" she parroted, setting her dirty dishes in the sink before turning to her mom with crossed arms. "Why would I go to summer camp?"
Masami Yamada bustled back and forth across the small apartment, re-adjusting her work scrub and pulling her hair up in a tight ponytail. Airi was used to watching her run around like a headless chicken before she left for the hospital, it was practically a daily ritual by now. She met her mom by the door, waiting until the woman was done putting on her shoes before handing over her work bag.
Masami let out a huff, finally able to catch her breath, and turned to her daughter, taking the bag and throwing it over her shoulder. "Because you need to make friends," she said and, though her tone sounded playful, Airi knew she was being serious.
The girl bristled, "I have friends—"
"—that aren't all the way back in America," Masami finished with a pointed look. Airi crossed her arms again and leant against the wall, scowling. "We've been here, what, four months and you still haven't made any friends?"
"It's the middle of the school year," Airi retorted with narrowed eyes, "What do you expect—"
Masami cut her off. "I expect you to try and make friends, Airi. Four months in, and not a word about the other kids in your class? Who they are, or what they're like? You can't just come straight home from school and then stay indoors all day long."
"But—"
"Airi." Airi's mouth shut immediately, but the angry scowl was still on her face. Masami sighed and ruffled her daughter's dark hair, and gave her a sympathetic smile. "I know you're not great at making friends, but this is an opportunity to try and make some. I'm not asking you to befriend the whole camp, or the school, just one friend is enough. Alright?"
Airi scuffed her foot against the ground and sighed, "...Fine."
Masami smiled and pressed a kiss at the crown of Airi's head. "Thank you. I promise you, it won't be as bad as you think."
Airi watched her mother leave, frown still etched on her face, and headed for her room, booting up her computer.
We'll see about that.
|xxx|
Airi rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, the straps of her small backpack digging into her shoulders, and scanned the area with a scowl. Children were running rampant, screaming with laughter as they hugged their friends. Despite being physically eleven, Airi felt the most out of place than she'd ever been; she was twice the age of these rugrats, and she had to spend her summer with them. It was bad enough she had to spend a whole day with them six days a week, but now she had to be stuck with them (sleep in the same vicinity as them) twenty-four seven?
Someone save her.
Airi let out a quiet snort and followed after the crowd of kids, grip tightening on both her bags. She was tense as they walked towards the tents, feeling somewhat caged between the happy chatter and close contact. She was never one for being in large crowds, never liking how close she had to stand or sit next to another person. Even in her first life she had hated these types of situations—it was one of the main reasons she didn't want to go.
But of course her mother had to pay for the trip before even mentioning it to her, just so she couldn't back out.
Lousy old woman.
After the boys and girls were separated to go to their appropriate tents, it was practically a madhouse (on the girl's side at least). High-pitched squeals and laughter burst from all the females in the area as they raced to procure a bunk for themselves and their friends. Airi grimaced and trudged through large bags, sweaty bodies, and running children. She kept her eyes open for a spot, until her eyes landed on the free space next to a girl with a large pink hat.
Making her way over, Airi assessed the girl to make sure she wasn't too terrible to be next to for the next few weeks (but one quick look over everything else told her she wouldn't be finding another open space anytime soon). Aside from the hat, Airi could tell that this girl wasn't really an outdoorsy kind of girl—she was wearing a dress for crying out loud!—but that was just another notch on her "Make a Friend" checklist.
Clearing her throat, Airi stopped next to the free bunk, placing her duffle bag by her feet. The girl in question turned, surprised, before smiling at her. She was pretty, Airi thought and immediately knew she'd grow up to be a beauty. Something about the girl seemed vaguely familiar too, but she couldn't quite place what it was.
Airi gestured to the open cot with her knee, "S'it okay if I take this spot?" She wouldn't be surprised if the girl was saving it for a friend, judging by how the others reacted.
"Not at all," she replied, still smiling. Her voice was very airy and light, but cheerful nonetheless. Her eyes darted down for a second, and her smile widened just a fraction. "Hey, we match!"
Airi paused in her attempt to shove her duffle bag underneath the cot and looked at the girl. "What?" she asked with furrowed brows. The girl pointed at her abdomen, and Airi's eyes followed her finger down to her chest.
"Your sweater, silly! We're both wearing red!"
Airi tugged at her red zip-up, left open and sleeves pulled up to her elbows because of the summer air, and looked back at the girl. She blinked and replied with an arched brow and a tiny smirk, "So we are. I'm Airi—Airi Yamada."
"I'm Mimi Tachikawa—"
And suddenly the memory of this girl came flooding back, and Airi paled. Images of waking up to watch a morning cartoon of seven—no, eight children and their strange creature-like friends hit her like a freight train. This kid, Mimi fucking Tachikawa, wasn't supposed to exist. She was a character, a cartoon, made of pencil and ink. How was she here?
How was she alive?
Airi's mind froze at that; couldn't the same thing be said about her? She fucking died and is still alive to tell the tale; she was born into a different family, a different ethnicity— Hell, she was reborn into a world that was fictional; what was so strange that a person from that same fictional world existed?
She was about to dwell more on her existential crisis when a hesitant hand rested on her arm. Eyes darting up to see the concerned look plastered on Mimi's face, Airi realized she must have fallen back onto the cot.
She shook her head to clear away those thoughts for another time and stuttered out, "I- sorry, what'd you say?"
Mimi was frowning as she slowly removed her hand. "I asked if this was your first time at a summer camp," she said slowly, then quickly added, "Are you alright? Do you need me to get one of the counsellors?"
Airi waved a dismissive hand. "No no, I'm fine. I didn't mean to, y'know,do that."
Concern fell away from the brunette's face, though there was still a hint of it in her eyes, and she placed her hands on her hips. "You looked like you were ready to faint." Mimi paused then tilted her head. "You still do, actually."
Airi rolled her eyes and stood up, ignoring the wave of dizziness that fell over her. "Thanks, Mimi." She readjusted her backpack and ran a hand through her hair.
Mimi grinned, "No problem!"
Airi studied the tent and noted that most of the girls had already left to join some of activity. "So, want to explore the camp?"
She nodded and started to dig into one of her bags. "Okay, but let me put on some sunscreen first."
Airi plopped back down onto her cot, chin resting in her palm as she waited for Mimi to finish smoothing out the lotion over her exposed skin. She resisted the urge to sigh.
This is going to be a long six weeks.
|xxx|