Authoress' Note:

At bottom of page :D

Mary Sue: Politically Correct in Every Way

This is a story of Mary Sue.

She was what could be called a politically correct!Sue; she hated all forms of political incorrectness with a great loathing.

Unfortunately (for her sensitive politically correct sensitivities), she dropped one day into the middle of Middle Earth.

In fact, she dropped down in the middle of Mirkwood.

'Oh my Goodness!' was the first thing she said. Or gasped, really. For as soon as she opened her eyes, she saw spiders. Lots and lots of spiders. Giant spiders.

But that was not the most disturbing thing. For every spider there was an Elf. For every Elf there was a bow. And each Elf with tireless vigor slashed and hacked at every spider he could conveniently reach. Or inconveniently, either.

'OMG, OMG, STOP!' screamed Mary, her eyes brimming with tears. Politically correct tears. 'STOP!'

Finally the Elves noticed her and paused in their jolly spider slaying to stare at her quizzically. The spiders wisely took this moment to disband, and shuffled into the darkness of the forest.

'What ails you?' asked one. Elf, I mean, not spider.

'You're killing them!' said Mary.

'Obviously,' agreed the Elf.

'Dudes, why are you doing it? It's MURDER!'

'What say you?' asked an Elf, frowning and looking pained. 'We are not murdering. These creatures are evil.'

'It's called "Morally Impaired,"' corrected Mary.

The Elves in general raised an eyebrow.

'I don't understand,' said the first one.

'You guys are hopeless,' she sighed, stepping over a large dead spider. 'I'm gonna go find some decent people who don't kill creatures that can't help being bad.'

The Elves let her go, though more than one of them was sorely tempted to put her in Banwell, thinking she was insane.

Mary traveled on, unblissfully conscious of the impolitical correctness (or is it political incorrectness?) going on around her. She soon got to Rivendell.

She happened to stumble right into Elrond's council, right at the moment when Frodo said, 'I will take the ring to Mordor!'

'All right,' said Elrond cheerily, 'of you go!'

'Wait, WHAT?' asked Mary. 'You can't do that!'

'Why?' asked Elrond, doomifying his eyebrows.

'Because, like, I totally read the book,' said Mary, 'and he is completely emotionally impaired by the end. If you send him to Mordor he'll never recover!'

'But we have no choice,' said Gandalf. 'We must rid Middle Earth of Lord Sauron and his Orcs forever.'

'GENOCIDE!' yelled Mary. 'You guys are such racists. I mean, there aren't even, like, any black people in Middle Earth!'

'If we don't, Saruman will cut down the whole forest of Fangorn and-' Gandalf was interrupted by a gasp from Mary.

'That's HORRIBLE!'

There was a terse silence for a moment. Then Mary said, 'OK, never mind; it's worth it to save the forests.' She got a lot of odd looks at that, but she didn't seem to notice. Just then Arwen appeared.

'Elessar!' she cried, 'if you are going on this quest, I go with you.'

'No, Arwen, sorry, nothing doing,' said Elrond firmly. Arwen wandered sadly away.

'Wait, you shouldn't tell her what to do!' stated Mary. 'I'm her father, and she must do exactly as she's told,' said Elrond, resuming his death-glare.

'Stop trying to look like Spock,' she snapped. 'And haven't you ever heard of women's rights?'

Elrond was mercifully spared answering this question by Mary being zapped back to Non-Middle Earth.

Mary recovered from her traumatic experience by eating an entire bowl of organic vegetarian health food ice cream, and lived to pollute the earth with political correctness for a good long time.

THE END

Authoress' Note: Yes, I love to bash political correctness. XD

Smile for my reviewers! :D

I am so messed up. I go around literally thinking, *lol this is hilarious XD* . I am so messed UP.