Eye to Eye

by Chaos in the Moonlight

Hephaistion and Alexander come to terms with Phai's disability but has Alexander really accepted it yet? A Continuation of the Story Darkness

Title: Eye to Eye

Pairing(s): Alexander/Hephaistion

Rating: R (?)

Disclaimer: Own nothing and nothing is true. All events are purely fictitious.

Warning(s): M/m slash, angst, fluff, more AU than historical

Word-count: 4,356

Note: Written for bi-weekly Alexander Alphabet Challenge. Please understand that my writing falls more to the emotional side than the historical and as such I tend to mold my characters to suit my own needs – and it is not my intention to offend anybody or change the order of history. This is a continuation of "D" for Darkness.

"Alexander! Wake up, my love. We must have fallen asleep," Hephaistion hissed loudly. "You must get up before you're seen leaving my tent." Alexander growled in his sleep and tightened his hold on Hephaistion's belly, pulling the long-haired man closer to him. "Alexander! By the gods, I will roll you out of this bed if you don't get up."

"Settle down, my beautiful Phai. Do you not think everyone knows I spend my nights with you whether I am seen leaving or not?" Alexander raised his head and captured Hephaistion's lips with his. The general melted into his King and wrapped his arms around his neck as Alexander's tongue laved the inside of his mouth.

"You are such a distraction, Alexander," Hephaistion panted. "But you need to leave … now, my King." The general pushed the stalling man from his arms and off the bed onto the floor with a thump. "I guess you'll have to chain me up for being insubordinate, your majesty," he laughed to himself for a moment. Hearing silence, he sat up straight in the bed. "Alexander? Are you alright? Alexander?"

Hephaistion crawled to the other side of the bed, his arm reaching over the edge seeking his fallen lover. "Alexander?" He was suddenly grabbed and thrown to the floor, landing on top of the missing man. "That was just cruel, Alexander," he mumbled as the King started sucking on his collarbone. "Using my inability to see against me. Very un-Kinglike, my love."

Alexander growled against the soft skin of his lover's neck, pushing the long auburn hair back with his hands. "I have to get the advantage somehow, my Phai. You're usually much better at keeping me at bay so I shall do whatever I have to in order to keep you in my arms."

Hephaistion let out a small giggle, his arms wrapping around the blonde's neck again. "You are insatiable my King. And speaking of my inability, I believe we still have yet to put you at the disadvantage, have we not?"

Alexander stopped his lapping and looked into Hephaistion's beautiful, blue, sightless eyes. "Me at the disadvantage? Whatever are you talking about, Phai?"

"I believe you promised that I could wrap a scarf around your eyes so you could experience what I have been experiencing all these months, my love," Hephaistion purred against the King's hot neck as his hand roamed the man's tight belly. "You will truly appreciate your other senses after you have been without one of them for a while. And it means you would have to use your sense of touch to see my body instead of your eyes."

Alexander's eyes clouded over with lust and he felt his groin tighten. "Well. A promise is a promise, isn't it now, my good general?"

*****

Hephaistion had learned the lay-out of the camp very quickly, partially out of necessity but more out of a yearning to be independent again. Alexander had assigned him an extra page to help with the things he needed to do everyday; washing, dressing, and timely matters. He would not say he was comfortable with the situation, but being the type of man that he was, he accepted his plight and just tried to move on.

His only concern was that he had not been given any specific duties as of yet. Alexander kept telling him he needed more time to become accustomed to his new situation. The King was still unwilling to believe that Hephaistion would not recover his sight and therefore, in Hephaistion's mind, he was stalling at assigning the general anything to do. He spent his days in his tent or at Alexander's side, listening and voicing his opinions, a situation that had not changed. He would admit that Alexander had stopped fussing over him quite so much which pleased him, except at night of course when his lover insisted on staying with Hephaistion, something that the general was helpless to refuse.

"Alexander," Hephaistion called out.

"Yes, my love," Alexander's voice said from the desk in the corner of the general's tent. "Do you require something?"

"No," Hephaistion said as he lifted himself from the bed and felt his way towards Alexander's voice. "Just a question really."

"Alright," Alexander replied, a little too loudly which Hephaistion knew was for his benefit. "Is it about how much I adore you?"

Hephaistion smiled and shook his head. "No. Definitely not about that."

"Definitely not about that? That's awfully cold, General Hephaistion," the King teased as he looked adoringly at the man who had seated himself across from him. "Cold almost to the point of treachery."

The blue-eyed man laughed out loud, his voice seeming to ring out melodiously into the quiet night. "You seem quite determined to lock me up, my King. I believe you have threatened me at least once a day for months."

"Maybe I would just prefer you to be secured in one spot so I might visit you whenever I wish."

"And you are unable to do that now, your majesty?" Hephaistion teased back. "Do you not spend all your free moments here in my company?"

Alexander smiled warmly at the man of his heart, his own heart aching that Hephaistion could not see the love in his face. "But you are free to send me away whenever you wish when I am here in your tent, whereas if you were locked up, I would have the choice to never leave your side."

Hephaistion snorted. "How much wine have you had this evening, my King? Are you drinking the unmixed now and that is what has numbed your brain?"

The King reached out and took one of Hephaistion's hands in his, surprising the unseeing man. "My apologies, love, I did not mean to startle you. Your hands are cold, Phai, are you not feeling well?"

"I'm fine Alexander. Not all of us are as warm-blooded as you. Your hand in mine does feel very good though."

Alexander continued to stroke the long, slim fingers, his eyes searching the beautiful blue of Hephaistion's eyes. He found himself doing that a lot lately, looking for some sign that the man would one day look upon him again and see the love in his eyes. He dreamed of once again passing love between them, eye to eye. "You had a question, Phai?"

"Oh yes," Hephaistion said, tilting his head to clear his mind of Alexander's foolishness. "I would like to ask you to assign me some real work, Alexander. I cannot sit in this tent without a thing to do any longer. There must be something I can help with around camp … anything."

The King frowned as he considered his lover's request. He wanted nothing more than to grant Hephaistion's wish but he was still wary of doing so. He feared that assigning the man a duty that could be done without the use of sight, would mean he was giving in to the notion that Hephaistion would never see again.

"Alexander? Have I said something wrong?" Hephaistion's voice asked, cutting through Alexander's worrisome thoughts. "Do you not wish me to be prolific again?"

"Of course I do, Hephaistion," Alexander said softly, his hand coming up to stroke the hair from his lover's face. "I want nothing more than for you to be at peace within yourself."

"Not wishing it so will not make the blindness go away, Alexander," Hephaistion replied, covering the man's hand on his face with his own. "I cherish all the hope you hold in your heart, my love, but we must start thinking realistically. I may never look you in the eye again, my love, and I know you wish for me to see the love in your eyes but you have to know I don't need to be eye to eye with you, to know the love you hold in your heart for me."

Alexander felt his eyes tear up as Hephaistion seemed to read his very thoughts. "You never fail to amaze me, Phai," he managed to say finally as Hephaistion waited patiently for his reply. "I only wish for you to be happy, my love. Please forgive me for still hoping but I cannot promise to quiet that hope anytime soon."

"Of course, Alexander. But can we not find something for me to do that would be helpful in some way until we come upon the perfect solution and you come to accept my plight?"

Alexander wound his fingers in the long auburn hair. "Yes. I'm sure we can. But Hephaistion, no matter what duties I assign you, I shall still require you to be at my side during any meetings or gatherings I attend. You are still my general after all, and my most loyal companion."

"Yes. I would not want to be anywhere else but at your side. I have another request if I may, my love." Alexander nodded his head, forgetting the man could not see. Hephaistion continued anyway. "I would like to try riding, again."

Alexander's mouth hung open and he dropped his hand from Hephaistion's face. "What? You wish to get back on a horse? But, Phai, how is that possible?"

"It is, Alexander. We have many fine horses that I can practice on. We just need to teach the horse to be my eyes, to take me where I need to go. I've trained many a horse, Alexander, not as of late but many times before."

Alexander bit his lip as a light misting of sweat appeared on his brow. He could feel his heart beating faster and feared it would beat itself right out of his chest. "I do not know that is such a good idea, Hephaistion. Lacking the ability to see would be a great disadvantage around such large animals. I fear you will be injured, again."

"Alexander, I am not a child nor an invalid. Have we not had this conversation many times before? And have I not told you I am capable of more than sitting at your side like some sort of lap dog." Hephaistion turned his head and pulled his hand from Alexander's. It was the same old issue they had been discussing over and over and frankly, he was getting quite tired of it.

"Hephaistion. Do not be angry with me. You know I can not tolerate us being out of sorts. I merely wish to protect you, love."

"I wish to be alone this evening, Alexander," Hephaistion whispered. "I would ask that you take your leave of me." He stood and without feeling his way around, counted the steps to his bed where he sat down and waited for Alexander to leave.

"Hephaistion, please. I've not left you alone at night since … all this has happened. Please, must we fight? Allow me to stay with you, my love. That is all I request of you," Alexander whined as he stood in front of Hephaistion, wanting nothing more than to scoop the man up into his arms and never let go.

"I need to be alone, Alexander. I implore you to not make me beg."

Alexander sighed heavily, his hand reaching out to touch the man's soft hair. "Alright. I will grant your wish this evening. But please assure me that if you change your mind, you'll send your page immediately to get me." Hephaistion nodded. "May I kiss you good-bye, Phai?"

Hephaistion shook his head this time. "I'd prefer not at the moment, Alexander. We'll be fine again tomorrow. Just allow me this time to reflect."

Alexander stepped back from the bed, pausing at the entrance to search his lover's face for some regret. He found none. "Alexander. Do not hover by the entrance. I can still hear you breathing. Good night, my love."

*****

A new morning brought a new hope for Alexander. He had dearly missed holding Hephaistion in his arms and had not slept well because of it but he awoke in a very good mood despite of it. He chuckled to himself as he remembered the intense look on his lover's face, a look that he knew Hephaistion had trouble maintaining when he was upset with him.

He had decided to ask Hephaistion to catch up on the over-abundance of correspondence that he usually helped Alexander with anyways. His page could do the reading and writing and Hephaistion, the dictating and thinking. He hoped that his lover would not find this task too menial but he also knew if he did, Alexander would be informed right away.

Alexander had just donned his chiton and boots when he heard Ptolemy's voice outside the entrance to his tent. "Ptolemy," he called out as he stood and strode towards the voice. "Do come in, man."

Ptolemy appeared as Alexander reached the entrance. "Alexander," the sturdy Greek said. "Have you talked to Hephaistion this morning?"

Alexander frowned at the look of concern on the general's face. "No. Not yet this day."

"You did not … stay with him last night?" Ptolemy asked, his voice lowering.

"We had a … disagreement, Ptolemy. Whatever is the matter with you this morning? Have you taken ill? You certainly don't look well, man. Sit down." Alexander tried to take Ptolemy's arm but was gently brushed off.

"I'm fine, Alexander. 'Tis not me you should be worried about."

Alexander wrinkled his forehead and tilted his head. "You are talking in circles, man. Just come out with whatever you have to say."

"You need to come with me, Alexander."

"Is it Hephaistion? Has something happened to him, Ptolemy?" Alexander's heart seemed to skip a beat as he headed for the entrance of the tent and rushed through it. "Where is he? What has happened?"

*****

"Joy to you, Alexander," Hephaistion said from his place on top of the large black horse. "Are you aware, my King, that when you enter a room or come upon a group of men, that everyone becomes deadly silent? Do you believe that they react that way out of fear or is it truly a sign of respect?"

Alexander stood open-mouthed, the anger he was feeling rising quickly from deep in his gut to the top of his head, reddening his face as it rose. "What do you think you are doing, Hephaistion?" he asked with as much control as he could muster. "Do you wish to sustain another injury so that you can become less useful than you already are?" Alexander heard Ptolemy suck in his breath as the words left his mouth and he was immediately overtaken with guilt. "Hephaistion," he said softly. "I did not mean …"

"Ptolemy? Are you there? I'm sure I can hear you breathing," Hephaistion said, his voice strong and sure. "Would you be so kind as to hold this beast while I dismount?"

Ptolemy stepped forward. "Of course, Hephaistion. I've got her. Do you require assistance, general?"

Hephaistion hoisted his leg over the mount and using only his arms shuffled his body back to the ground. "No thank you, Ptolemy. I am quite capable. I believe I've had enough riding for today and will retire to my tent now. Kyros, would you please escort me, I wouldn't want to lose my way or trip over my own feet and injure myself again."

"Hephaistion," Alexander moaned as he stepped closer to the blue-eyed general.

"I trust you have more important matters to see to, my King. Please do not let me keep you," Hephaistion said as he turned on his heel and expertly headed in the direction of his tent. "Good day, Ptolemy. Please do stop by later for a cup of wine. I do not believe I have any other plans."

Ptolemy looked at Alexander then quickly away. "Yes, Hephaistion, I shall do that. I wanted to tell you of the new maiden I came upon yesterday anyway."

"I'd like that, Ptolemy. Good day to you."

Alexander watched as Hephaistion walked away from him; his back straight and his head held high. "Alexander," Ptolemy began.

"Don't Ptolemy. I am fully aware of what I have just done and I do not wish to have it retold to me," the King said, as he hung his head and twisted his hands together. "Oh, he makes me so furious sometimes that I just speak without thinking and I speak without believing anything that comes out of my mouth."

"I know, Alexander," Ptolemy whispered. "And Hephaisiton is always the only one who reminds you of that."

Alexander nodded. "Will you visit him later, Ptolemy? To be sure he is alright?"

"Yes. Would you like to join me?"

"No. He's quite angry with me at the moment and I must tread lightly for a while. I am such a fool sometimes."

"Yes, you are," Ptolemy agreed as a small grin appeared on his face. "And you always talk yourself back into his good graces, as well."

Alexander looked appreciatively at his friend, nodded, then averted his eyes and made his way back to his tent. He had some thinking to do and wished to do it in solitude but that just wasn't to be.

"Alexander!"

"By the gods Cleitus, how do you manage to appear out of nowhere at the worst possible times?" Alexander moaned. "I've not the time or the inclination for another of your lectures, general. So please keep your thoughts to yourself until I am in better spirits."

Cleitus laughed heartily. "It was not my intention to lecture my King, merely to inform him of the fine job his beloved companion did today."

Alexander kept walking but his gait was no match for the long legs of the old general and Cleitus was soon at his side. "And who might you be referring to, Cleitus? You might as well tell me now since you've not the sense to heed my warning with regards to my mood."

Cleitus smiled widely, his hand coming up to touch Alexander's shoulder. "Hephaistion, of course."

"And what news may you have with regards to Hephaistion who I just saw not five minutes ago? Were you in some way involved in the stunt he pulled this day, Cleitus?" Alexander paused and looked at the dark-haired man before him. He didn't appreciate the wide grin the general wore on his smug face or the twinkle in his eyes. "Well, speak up man. You've something to say, so say it."

"I was the one who assisted him in his stunt, Alexander. I helped him up on the beast and led him around for a bit before handing the animal over to him completely. You should be proud of him for taking that step, Alexander, not ridiculing him in front of his peers."

"Cleitus! Have I not told you to stop initiating yourself between Hephaistion and I? What I say to him is truly neither your business nor your concern," Alexander fumed.

"But that's where you're wrong, your majesty. You made it my, and everyone else's, business when you said what you did in front of us. And as I've told you before, I have become a confidant to Hephaistion as well as a good friend, so I believe I have every right to tell you that you treated him with total disrespect and disregarded the important strives he made this day," Cleitus said, his eyes meeting Alexander's surprised ones without faltering.

Alexander looked away and began to walk again. "I realize I made a severe error, Cleitus. But I cannot believe that you condoned the man to ride a horse in his condition."

"He doesn't have a condition, Alexander. That's something you have not yet gotten over. He is blind. He is going to stay blind. Do you plan on calling it a condition for the rest of his life? Can you not allow yourself to admit that Hephaistion will not see again?"

Cleitus stumbled back as Alexander's arm shot out and shoved the man hard in the chest. "We do not know that Cleitus! And I heed you to not say it again in my presence or in anyone else's," Alexander roared. "All you helped him accomplish today is for him to realize that he will not be part of the cavalry again if what you say is true and he never regains his sight."

"Oh Alexander," Cleitus moaned. "How can a man who's spent so many years with someone and loves that person beyond the gods, be so unaware of his feelings in certain situations? You did not see Hephaistion when he mounted that horse. You did not see his face light up with wonder and a happiness I have not seen in him for months. You were not there to witness the pride return to his shoulders and yes, to his eyes as well. His eyes shone like a new born babe's when he rode that beast. Alexander, you missed an important recovery point for him and then you tarnished it with your hurtful words and disrespect."

Alexander sucked in his breath, his hands coming up to play with the curls at the nape of his neck. "He did well, Cleitus?"

"How can you even question that when you know the man rarely fails at anything he tries? And yes, my King. He did well and he was joyous."

"I did not realize that. I was merely worried that he would be harmed."

"I know, Alexander. But you allowed your over-concerned thoughts to shadow what was really going on. I understand your worries, my friend, but you have to understand that he does not require your protection but rather your support and your faith in him." Cleitus paused, his hand coming up again to rest on Alexander's shoulder. "I have prattled on enough. Am I free to walk away, my King, or am to be locked up for insubordination?"

"You have been spending too much time with him. You both say the same things about your insubordination. I do thank you, Cleitus, and I will take your words into consideration. Now off with you. I trust you have some real duties to perform?" Alexander smiled warmly and patted the hand on his shoulder before it was pulled away and Cleitus took his leave.

*****

Hephaistion sat on the end of bed, his shoulders hunched, his hands picking at the edge of his chiton. His mind still whirled with Alexander's words even after so many hours. Ptolemy had come as he had promised and they had spoken of the new lady in the man's life, of camp gossip, of the weather and finally, of Alexander. Ptolemy had tried to assure him that his lover's words had not been thought out and were a mere reaction to seeing Hephaistion doing something he feared would harm him. His words were not new to the general though. Hephaistion knew Alexander often spoke before his mind had time to keep up with his words but this time those words had wounded him deeply.

Alexander had spoken the words that were already encased in Hephaistion's heart and mind, words he had been trying to disregard for months. Now all those words had come to the surface and even worse, had been said by the one he trusted most, the one he loved most in the world, his Alexander.

The King had come to see Hephaistion not even a half hour before but Kyros had informed him that the general was resting. This would not have usually appeased the King but he had taken the news, left and not returned. Hephaistion was not entirely sure whether that was a good thing or a bad one.

"General Hephaistion," his page's voice said from the entranceway.

"Yes, Kyros. What is it?"

"General Cleitus has requested your presence in the stables. Do you wish for me to escort you there?"

"The stables? But is it not nightfall already, Kyros?" Hephaistion asked, the confusion evident on his beautiful face.

"Yes, sir, but the general said you might be interested in another riding lesson and since the dark is of no consequence to you … oh, my apologies …"

"No Kyros. No apologies necessary, I understand. You can escort me then. Just let me get my boots and a cape on."

*****

"I don't hear Cleitus anywhere about, Kyros. Is he here?" Hephaistion asked, his ears searching the air for signs of the general.

"No, sir. But his page has informed me that he would like you to meet him at the other side of the camp and you shall start your ride there. Is that acceptable, sir?"

"Yes, of course. Please select the horse I rode this afternoon and hold him so I may mount him." Hephaistion swung his leg up and over the beast with no trouble. "This does not seem to be the right horse, Kyros? Is it the same one." There was no reply as Hephaistion felt the horse and himself being led. "Where are we going? Is this not the wrong way to the other side of the camp? Kyros, why do you not answer me? Kyros!"

The horse began to trot as Hephaistion grabbed the reins and pulled tightly, only to have them come loose in his hands. "Whoa! What by the gods is going on!"

"Shall we let him go here?" Hephaistion heard an unfamiliar voice whisper.

"Yes. He won't last long on this beast," another voice whispered back. "Send him off running."

Hephaistion's head was thrown back as the animal beneath him picked up speed. He grabbed the long mane and dug his thighs into the horse's sides but to no avail, as the animal kept running. He could feel branches suddenly whipping by his head and he tucked his body as low to the beast as possible.

Suddenly, a low branch caught him in the side and he flew from the back of the horse, landing on his back and feeling his whole body contort with pain. He lay for a few moments stunned, and frightened, before he murmured one word, "Alexander," then his thoughts completely left him and he lost consciousness.

TBC