Author's Note: Recently became a fan of the TV show House M.D. - and I've decided that Joker/Crane definitely needs to meet House/Wilson (they're my first- and second-favorite pairings, respectively).

Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital was closing up for the night, the lights in the hallway having been previously dimmed by an aging male custodian - who was currently occupied with thoroughly mopping the second floor.

Two stories above him, the be-caned Dr. Gregory House limped out of an elevator, turning expectedly to Dr. James Wilson, who had previously agreed to accompany House to his office before they would go to House's, well, house for the night.

Wilson smiled upon seeing the infectious disease specialist. "You must be exhausted after a full day of torturing patients on the pretense of curing them. Ready to go home?"

"Well, I could always say I was ready to go home - but then we wouldn't have to stop by my office so I could be swamped in worthless, mind-numbing paperwork that has absolutely nothing to do with my profession, now, would we?" House smiled, winked and kissed Wilson on the cheek, taking his hand as they strolled down the hallway to House's home-away-from-home. Wilson opened the door for House -

And both doctors were confronted with the mildly disturbing sight of the Joker sitting in the chair behind House's desk with Dr. Jonathan Crane, renowned psychopharmacologist, in his lap; the pair was engaged in a lustful and depthless liplock, Crane's fingers tangled in the clown's scraggly green hair.

There was the sound of a soft moan - it was difficult to determine from which of the two it came, but House was taking bets on Crane.

Wilson cleared his throat politely.

The pair's heads whipped toward the sound; a deep magenta spread over Jonathan's high cheekbones.

For a moment, no one said anything - though Joker's facial expression did seem to indicate slight irritation at the interruption.

"Well. . .this is awkward," House said finally.

Wilson sighed, suddenly feeling very tired. "Gregory, meet my cousin, Jonathan."

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance," Crane said hospitably, with a timid - and still very embarrassed - smile. "I hope you don't mind," he added, jerking his head at their surroundings.

House ignored Crane, instead nodding at the man with whom Jonathan was so lovingly entangled. "Since when did Bozo the Clown escape our psyche ward?"

A puff of air whistled out through Crane's suddenly flared nostrils as his remarkable blue eyes flashed aggressively - though he didn't necessarily mean to, he exhibited a slight tendency to take insults directed at his man personally.

Wilson sighed again. "He calls himself "the Joker"; he's Jonathan's, um. . .partner - he also happens to be a homicidal maniac, so I daresay the two of you should get along perfectly."

Crane giggled.

"So, what are you two doing here?" Wilson asked; the question was abrupt and came out slightly harsher than he intended.

"I am merely visiting my only living relation," Jonathan replied, sounding slightly hurt that Wilson did not seem to appreciate the kind gesture. "Joker asked to come as well - and then one thing led to another. . ." he trailed off, inhaling in a sharp squeak as the clown rapidly swiped his tongue along his neck.

"Tell you what, House," Wilson said as he watched his cousin, whose eyes fluttered shut as he emitted a contented sigh, "why don't we just go back to your place? The paperwork can wait until morning." He was already steering House out the door; Wilson turned back and tossed his keys to Crane - Joker's gloved fist snatched them neatly out of the air.

"I'll lock up when we leave." Jonathan answered the unspoken question somewhat dreamily as he buried his face in Joker's neck; the clown giggled ominously.

Wilson shut the door just as quickly as he had opened it, glad he could no longer hear the two (who had begun to moan and make out again), and grimaced in disgust - he had always thought his cousin could have chosen a better boyfriend.

END

Sorry if anything - besides the slash, of course - is out-of-character - I've only seen a few random House episodes so far, so I'm not that well versed in House's and Wilson's mannerisms just yet. Had considered actually making Jonathan House's cousin - but decided to relate Crane and Wilson instead because they're both (in my opinion, at least) the more feminine of those in the two pairs. Custodian in the beginning really has no point in this - just needed someone to (unknowingly) help set the scene. Whaddya think?