When They First Met
Edward: Hello Bella. I'm Edward, and these are my shiny teeth. *Shows smile*
Bella: You're hot.
Edward: You smell good.
Bella: Wanna make out?
Edward: Okay.
The first notes to the parents…
Dearest Esmé,
I have fallen in love with a human girl who is an eighth of my age. It isn't creepy at all. I also want to drink her fragrant blood but Daddy won't let me.
~Edward
Dear Dad,
Hi! I got a new boyfriend. His name is Edward and he eats bears. We're going to move and have babies ok bye : )
50 years of marriage later…
Bella: Edward!!!
Edward: * watching TV in other room* Whaat?
Bella: Help me with the dishes!!
Edward: I can't, I'm a vampire.
Bella: What did I ever see in you?
Edward: Hotness and Sparklies!
Bella: Stop it with that crap! How can this marriage continue?
Edward: Well…
Bella: You tell ME Eddie, you tell me!!
*Jacob burst through the doorway*
Jacob: *poses* Jacob is here!
Bella: *suddenly in a good mood* Hi Jake!
Edward: Hi meat sack.
Jacob: That is AWESOME WEREWOLF MEATSACK to you.
Bella: What are you doing here Jacob?
Jacob: I heard you were fighting and you needed some manly help.
Edward: How did you hear that?
Alice: Meee! * Alice falls down from chandelier and onto Edward* hi big bro!
Bella: Hi Alice! I found that twinkie you gave me for my 20th anniversary.
Alice: Yay! Let's go play with it!
Bella: *Squeals*
Edward: Hey, what about our marriage issue?
*Bella kicks Edward in the crotch and he passes out. Alice and Bella leave. Jacob is left in the room*
*Jacob pulls on unconscious Edward's hair and a wig comes off*
Jacob: I knew it was fake! =D