Happy Foxy Birthday Naruto!

Warning: Sakura-bashing, Caps busting, totally in CAPITALS, camel humps shall be opened, and nails will be frequently mentioned. You have been WARN'D.

To Sakura lurvers: Please don't hate me, I don't hate her! Well, technically, I hate her pre-Time Skip. After the Time Skip, she's pretty cool.

8:00 am

Today Sasuke ran away from our village. That son of a kunai! He promised he would like TOTALLY paint my nails for my B-Day. Now I'll have to ask that weotch Sakura to do it. But she hardly knows the difference between yellow with a tint of gold, and gold with a tint of yellow.

…Argh.

Maybe I should join Akatsuki…it's the only way I'll get my nails decently done, even though they're going through a violet fetish lately.

8:30 am

All the buses were out of town. And Hinata TOTALLY wouldn't let me borrow her pimpmobile, so I hitched a ride on a camel I found roaming the streets.

"I'm gonna name you Humpy!"

"(Spits on him.)"

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T! (Rasengans Humpy.) You do that again and I'll bust your cap."

After I tamed the wild beast, we like TOTALLY journeyed far and wide, searching for the Akatsuki secret hideout. We checked under all the leaves in the Village Hidden in the Mist and all the mist in the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

"Oh Humpy, where could their hideout be?"

"(Spits on him.)"

"O…M…G."

4 hours of extreme animal cruelty later…

POW. CRUNCH. "(Panting) there. I told ya I'd bust your Cap…s Lock. Though now that I think about it, it is rather strange that a camel has a keyboard installed in it's first hump, with bold letters branded on the second hump saying "Hideout of Akatsuki located here. Hump will open when Caps is busted." Oh well. Oooh, the hump just opened! (Hops in)."

1:30 pm

I fell for a really long time. I'm pretty sure a few lays of physics were broken.

As I was falling, I thought about my birthday party that I was missing out on. It's all Sasuke's fault. I could've had the perfect nails, presents, cake…but nooo. He just had to leave. Why did he d- SPLAT.

Looks like I found the hideout. I'd better feel my way around.

3:30 pm

Found the entrance door. Knocked, but no one answered, so I just walked in. To my surprise…

"Sasuke?! What are you doing in that cage?"

"Naru-chan thank Hokage you're here!"

"Humph! I thought you scampered towards your precious Orochimaru."

"Eww, no way. I would've TOTALLY been the "other boy." Kabuto would've gone after me for stealing his man."

"So…you really didn't leave me?"

"Naw…how could I leave you on your B-Day when I promised to paint your nails? Between you and me, Sakura wouldn't know the diff between yellow with a tint of gold, and gold with a tint of yellow."

"(Sniff.) Oh Sassy-chan…you're my BFFL!"

"You gonna bust me outta this cage yet?"

"Sure! Supah B-Day Rasengan!"

"Thanks."

"No prob. BTW, why were you in the cage in the first place?"

"Well, Itachi wanted to be the only Uchiha to give you a birthday present."

"Aww, so sweet!"

"(Glares.)"

"I mean…the jerk must die!"

Got to go, we're gonna go kick Sasuke's thoughtful big bro's bum.

5:02 pm

Climbed out of Humpy's hump and made our way to my house. Itachi was waiting in there, a bowl of hot steamy ramen in hand. "Happy birthday foolish little brother's adorable friend!"

"Awww…" I took the bowl, thanked the teen, and slurped happily. Sasuke and Itachi glared at each other for a while until I yelled at them to stop. We had a cake in the shape of Sakura's head (weotch-flavoured) and played SSR (Smack Smack Revolution.) Sasuke and Itachi did my nails. All in all, it was a pretty good day.

And let me tell you, my nails are TOTALLY amazing.

Ta Ta, Naruto.

Dedicated to Ontario, where good things grooo-ooooooow.