The year is ███ and it's your first day at the newly opened Grand Dragon High School.
You pause for a moment outside to breathe in the wonderful scenery before the Jews do and then remember you need to go talk to the Dean!
You run inside, clumsily tripping on your white cloak occasionally, but make it to the Dean's Office handily, even though it is a pain to see through the holes.
You open the door and walk in. A deep, southernly-perfection voice greets you.
"Welcome ta mah heah school, little dowgie. I heah am tha Dean butchoo can just cahl me General Dean Lee Venture."
GDLV spins around in his wooden swivel chair and you finally see his face which you've waited to see for so many seconds.
He has wonderful peppered dad-hair and a KFC goatee hanging down from his face, looking such a wonderful off-white; like day-old grease from a chicken fry.
"Anywhoo, ya must-" he notices a cut on your hand from the wooden door handle which is time appropriate for this story, "you might want'n to get that there takin cared of."
Oh right! How embarrassing!
You reach into your stick and cloth bag and pull out a handle of boiling water which you carefully use to cauterize your wound because that is what boiling water does.
"BOYLIN WAHTA" GDLV startles you with a sudden cry, "YA BETTAH HEPPIN TA HAVE ENUF FOR'N THA WHOLE CLASS NOW YOU HEAR"
It's only you and the General Dean Lee Venture alone in the room, which you point out.
The General clears his throat, "YES BUT BOILING WATAH HAS BECOME MUCH LIKE A CURRENCY HEAH IN THESE WHITE HALLOWED HALLS. WHAT WITH STUDENTS RUNNIN' RAMPANT AND SUSTAININ' ALL THESE FOOT INJURIES AN' GETTIN' INFECTIONS by the way you'll have to remove your footwear, school policy bruh FOR WHATEVAH REASON"
The GDLV takes a deep breath, "My lam I do apologize. I got so lost in tha moment heah I forgot'n what I was'n gonna'n say'n. Welcome ageen' to mah school, Grand Dragon High! Home of the Submissive Negroes! Sadly, we don't win too many a game and we happen'n to celebrate via a post-game lynching. Schoolboard says 'Oh they can't play, they've sustained "compound fractures to the neck which led to death"'
"Boo-hoo I say! I think they're all just too chicken to get out and play! Which is why I've voted for the post game ceremony to be changed to a tarrin' and featherin'n!"
Suddenly a person bursts in through the door.
They look young, with bowl-cut blonde hair and many muscles which almost look to have been shaped by teen-angst and fighting androids, whatever those are. They also are wearing a sword, which seems odd considering the time which happens to be inappropriate for the time.
Aryan Xir Sergeant Dr. Trunks-friend! What brings you here in such angsty straits!
A deep, yet high, raspy voice came out of the person in front of you, sounding almost as though an androgynous and sexually ambiguous Jersey person had smoked for many many many many years. "Uuh Ventyah, the school gems ah gone."
"General Dean Lee Venture jumped up You don't mean!"
Angst and sexual vitriol filled the air, "Yes, da school Pacific Rimgemeralds are gone, and we know who ta thank."
"Why that no good Obama-"
Gener Aldena Leev Enture stood up and cocked his gun.
"DO YA HEAH THAT OBAMONARCH!?"
A wild, southern look came all over his face.
"THIS COCK IS FOR YOU!"