Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Naruto or any of the pop culture references that might show up in this story. If I did own Naruto...I wouldn't know what to do with it. I'd probably dress the hot Akatsuki guys and Gaara as playgirl bunnies.....Hey are you still reading this?Move on to the story. Its ok.I understand.

:Warning!: The following is a really crappy fanfic about Kisame and the other members of the under the age of 18 or advised not to read this. Also, children over the age of 18 are advised not to read this. It's very poorly written. I mean, the entire premise is that the Akatsuki gets a cat and Kisame,being the shark-man,is pissed because of well. ! and it's written in the high-school drama club format!Huzzah!

Kisame: *wakes up and sees nothing but darkness and feels something furry brush against him*...Oh, ha funny Itachi. Really funny. *takes of his sleep-mask and sees a black kitten with little tuffs of white fur on it's chest lying on top of Kisame looking at him hungrily**Kisame begins to scream out in bloody murder*

Itachi: *looks up from his 'Learning to Read Braille' book beacuse of Kisame's screaming* What's wrong Kisame?

Kisame: *pointing to the cat* What the hell is that THING doing here!?!? Y'know Itachi, I didn't mind the drawing on my face while I was asleep, or the 'putting my hand in warm water thing', or that time you and Leader-sama gave me a nipple ring while I was sleeping (if at anything I really enjoyed that. . .), but the second you put a small,cute,helpless animal on my chest while I'm napping that's where I draw the line!!!

Itachi: *is just staring at Kisame and the cat with a bored expression* . . .is that a cat?

Kisame: No, its a naked banana person tapdancing on top of Mt. Kilimanjaro with Paul Bunyon, OF COURSE IT'S A CAT!!YOU SHOULD KNOW SINCE YOU PUT IT THERE!!! Be grateful your so sexyfine Itachi or I'd-

Itachi: ...I didn't do it.

Kisame: What are you talking about? Of course you did it! Who else has access to our room and is diaboloically twisted and sadistic enough to put that monstrosity here!?

Itachi: Not me you read the manga? I seem to be a very nice guy with a very creepy, unhealthy obessesion with my younger brother.

Kisame: Well that's retarded. How'd that happen?

Meanwhile at the Legion of FanFiction. . .

Lex Luther: Excellent!After countless really cliche ItaSasu fanfics. Kishimoto has finally surrendered to us Itachi's character rights!

Gorilla Grod: Yes!

Cheetah: At long last!

Toyman: I STILL DEMAND MORE TOYS! That and Solomond Grundy and Brainiac still need pants!

Black Manta: Now...Let's try to hook Maka up with Death the Kid!

All Together: To the Fanfic. Moblie!

Back at the Akatsuki fortress of Doom. . .

Kisame: . . .that was wierd.

Itachi: ...yes...anyway, it looks like something Tobi would keep around.

Kisame: Of course! Who else would keep such a horrible beast than that fuddy duddy Tobi!!

Itachi:...Fuddy Duddy?

At the Akatsuki breakfeast table...of doom . . .

Kisame: Here Tobi. Take your fucking cat back. *hands the cat to Tobi while wearing a hazmat suite*

Tobi: *squeals* Squee!! Nemo!!There you are!!3

Kisame: *eye twitch* . . .NEMO!? Is that suppose to be some kind of sick-ass joke! All because I'm a shark you name that...critter after that clownfish!?!You know what Tobi, you SUCK!You suck Cunt!No wait, you don't deserve even cunt, you can suck Might Guy's 8inch Guy!! GOD!I HATE YOU SO MUCH TOBI!!

Tobi: ...*whimpers*.

Itachi: ...fuddy duddy...

Pain: *walks in and sits down at the head of the table* What are you idiots yelling about so early in the morning?

Nemo: Nyeow! *jumps out of Tobi's arm and into Pains, nuzzling him*

Kisame: wait...the cat's yours Leader-sama?

Pain: *petting and stroking Nemo's head and back* Well course he's mine!Who else would he belong to? Sasori? That's a laugh!

Sasori's Ghost: *his head emerges out of Hidan's cereal bowl* Certainly not me. I hate all helpless, fluffy cute strays...espically you Deidara.

In the Akatsuki Bathroom...of DOOMING . . .

Deidara: *is brushing his mouth-hand's teeth but then stops* . . .aw. . .*single tear*

Back to the Plot. . .

Hidan: *just kinda stares at Sasori's phantom head in his cereal bowl, but then continues eating his Fruity Pebbles despite the fact Sasori's there*

Kisame: I meant, why do you have that creature!?

Pain: It's simple, Konan and I were walking home one night from that Italian resturant when we stumbled upon this kitten, and well...Y'know I can't turn a blinded eye away from small,helpless,fluffy, cute strays. Why do you think Deidara's here?

Back in the Bathroom of Dooming . . .

Deidara: *is slitting his wrists listening to Wonderwall by Oasis, but then he stops cutting* ...yay.*smiles*

Back at the Dinning Table. . .

Kisame: Ok, let me get this straight. Itachi turns out to be a total pussy and our Leader is suddenly nice to animals!? Whats next, Tobi being a criminal mastermind?

Tobi: ...R-right!That would be crazy!Tobi is a good boy after all! *laughs nervously with shrifty eyes*

Itachi: ...Fuddy Duddy....

Pain: Well fine then, if that bothers you so much complain about it on your MySpace account Kisame, or should I say LadyGaGa_luver_8435!!

Kisame: What are you talking about!? Why would I listen to that over-rated, mass-media packaged transvestite!

Kakuzu: yeah, who would listen to that little pissant! *is trying to hide his Lady GaGa Live in Concert coffee mug*

Kisame: Why did you name that abomination Nemo anyway? I have enough problems fitting in and maintaining a fangirl base, I don't need you mocking me like this.

Pain: There are two reasons why: First off, Finding Nemo is like, Zetsu's favorite movie, next to The Last Unicorn of the cat Nemo is the only thing keeping Zetsu from eating him!

Zetsu: HA HA. ZETSU LIKE DORY! CRUSH THE TURTLE SHOULD'VE HAD A BIGGER ROLE.

Kisame: Why didn't you just name it Schmendrick then? Pretty sure everyone here would've gotten a good laugh from that.

Pain: Which brings we to my second reason Kisame, I love messing with you Blueballs.

Kakuzu: ...heh. I get it. Blueballs.

Pain: Kakuzu, just go into the corner. I postive that Lady GaGa bit was the only line you're getting in this story.

Kakuzu: What!? But I'm important to the series!I killed Asuma!!

Pain: Yeeeeeeaaaaah, no you didn't. That was Hidan. Your entire purpose for existing is so you can be literally obliterated by Naruto's Rasengan Shuriken Wind...thingy.

Kakuzu: *sniff* At least I'll always have my fangirls. . .

Hidan: What fangirls? The only reason they like you is because they like to pair you up with , when you died nobody cried or got pissed that you died, espically not Sasori!

Sasori's Ghost: *appears out of Hidan's breakfeast bowl again* He' s right you know. Even if I was still alive during that part of the show I still would've gaven a shit about you. You were my least favorite.

Hidan: You see!Listen to the creepy pedophile ghost man!People like Kisame and Zetsu more than they like you!!!

Zetsu: SHE-WOLF IN ZETSU'S CLOSET! ZETSU WANTS A HULA-HOOP!!

Kisame: so if everyone hates Kakuzu, why is the story called 'Everybody Hates Kisame'?

Pain: Because, unlike Kakuzu you actually have personality 's eaiser to make fun of you, blue, gay shark man whose sword betrays him while fighting Killer Bee. (A big middle finger to those who aren't that far in the Manga)

Kisame: ...um...Thanks Pain....I think....

Itachi: ...Fuddy Duddy...

Later on in the Akatsuki Living Room of Doomage. . .

Pain: Kisame, your mission today is to take Nemo-kun to the free vet at Petsmart. He seems less lively than usual...anyway Deidara and Hidan will accompany you.

Kisame: What?Why Me?

Pain: Hey Shut up!At least we're paying attention to you, not like that week with the tubas and the eggplants and vibrators-

Kisame: ...so...much...clotting...

Pain: Yes, yes I believe we would ALL like to forget that week.

Kisame: ok, why Deidara and Hidan?

Pain: Simple, Deidara has had practically no lines in this entire story-

Kisame: Neither has Konan!

Pain: Konan's busy!

Konan: *calling from Pain's bedroom* Painy!Where are you?

Pain: *calling back* Be there in a second baby!

Kisame: Wow...the evidence is really piling up Painy. . .

Pain: Hey!Shut up!At least I'm getting some!

Sasori's Ghost: *head emerges out of the coffee table* Well actually, yesterday I saw both Itachi and Deidara -

Pain: -WITH A WOMAN!

Sasori's Ghost: ...like I said, both Itachi and Deidara were-

Pain: *sprinkles Sasori with holy water* GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ORGINIZATION!!

Sasori's Ghost: *disappearing* YOU CAN'T HIDE THE TRUTH!

Pain: *sighs*That was an ordeal...Moving along, as for why Hidan, here's a list: A. Tobi has a Lego Building Contest, B. Itachi's stuck on that whole 'fuddy duddy' thing, C. Kakuzu is shunned, D. both me and Konan are gonna go "Barry White", E. Orochimaru isn't one of us anymore, F. I just Bannished Sasori to Tartarus, and G. Zetsu would just try to eat him.

Kisame: ...So you're sending Hidan instead? The ULTRA-VIOLENT, MASCOISTIC/SADISTIC PSYCHOPATH !!??The guy with the World's Greatest Kitten Tosser Trophy!!??

Kisame&Pain: *turn around and see Hidan polishing his 26 Cat Punching trophies and medals while singing 'Kill A Kitten' by Stephen Lynch* ...and if I qoute the Bible cuz that's where its written...if you loveth Jashin you must kill a kitten. . .

Pain: ...you might have a point there Kenny the do to the fact I don't want to refill out paper work and for the sake of comedy relief, Hidan is still going with you.

Kisame: that is WIERD theology Leader-sama...

Pain: If you think the logic behind that is confusing Kisame, wait til you see how Naruto defeats me and what I do afterwards.

( Princess K: No the fuck was the point of Pain killing everyone if he just brings them back to life 5 seconds after Naruto gives him a friendship speech?)

Pain: *hands Kisame a baby bag*Heres all the things you will need to take care of Nemo-kun: cat food,milk,yarn,blanket,hairbrush,his doll,his DVD collection,his Power Ranger Action Figures, his toothpick statue of the Effiel Tower, Pat the Bunny, his-

Kisame: *clears throat*

Pain: Hmm? Oh his Cat care stuff is in there, heres a map in case you get lost, be back by 8PM, Konan's cooking Steakums tonight, also if you find a black,ominous looking puzzle box on the ground never,god forbid, NEVER EVER try to solve it.

Kisame: ...ok...thanks for the warning/obligatory Hellraiser reference Leader-sama...

Pain: BEWARE!!

And so, the reluctant Kisame,Hidan and Deidara left the Akatsuki hideout with Nemo the kitten in hand, on a perilous journey to the free vet at Petsmart. Tune in next time for Ch. 2!!!