Obscene Late Night Phone Calls.
By: Startscribbing12
Roxas was very much enjoying this night alone. Axel, his roommate, had gone out with his buddies tonight, so that left him all alone in their two bedroom apartment. They were adults and they could so what they wanted. Roxas did many things varying from watching The Princess Bride three times all the way to internet poker.
He had his guilty pleasures.
But, one things Roxas didn't plan on that night was getting obscene phone calls. Now, it started settle. Roxas was sitting on the couch with a bowl of chocolate ice cream (with extra chocolate syrup.) when his phone rang. The people on the other line ranged from fake telemarketers to horny women.
The latter Roxas enjoyed secretly.
He had gotten so fed up with the obscene calls, he had disconnected his house phone. He didn't think that it was possible for someone to know his cell phone number. He only gave that out to the closest and most trusted people he knew.
It was around three in the morning and Roxas was warm and snug in his bed, having a nice dream.
And no—get your mind out of the gutter people. Roxas was a respectable man.
He very rarely got angry, but this next phone call set him on edge. The cell phone on the side table was ringing off the hook, and the number was from a pay phone. Normally, he wouldn't pick it up, but Roxas happened to be half asleep.
"HELLO?! IS THIS IS THE RIGHT NUMBER?! HELLO?! HELLO?! ALL I HEAR IS DEMONIC BREATHING! ROXAS?"
"I hear you..."
"AH! ROXAS! OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE IGNORING ME."
"..."
"DID I HANG UP? HELLO? ROXAS -hic- ARE YOU STILL THERE?"
"I'm still here...Axel?"
"ROKU-CAKES! I KNEW YOU WOULD ANSWER! GOSH, I LOVE YOU!"
"Axel, what in the fucking world are you talking about?"
"WHY IS IT TAKING -hic- YOU SO LONG TO ANSWER ME!? DO YOU HAVE WHORE IN THE BEDROOM?"
"No, Axel. I am whore free."
"SURGEON GENERAL."
"What...?"
"READ THE SURGEON GENERAL WARNING ON THOSE BABIES! DON'T WANT CANCER!"
"Axel—where are your friends?"
"Oh...THEY LEFT! Why? Do you know where they might be?"
"No."
"..."
"Axel?"
"..."
"Axel?"
"..."
"Clap twice if you are not being molested."
"I'M NOT BEING MONSTERED."
"Molested."
"MONSTERED?"
"Molested."
"OHHHH. MONSTERED. GOTCHA."
"Axel..where are you? I'll come pick you up."
"Don't want to -hic- leave the whore alone in the house, Roku. I'll walk."
"No, give me the address."
"YOU DIDN'T DENY THE WHORE COMMENT! WHORES ARE LIKE BAD CANDY."
"What?"
"THEY ARE USUALLY WOMEN."
"And...? Your point?"
"WOMEN ARE BAD."
"Yes, we all know you are gay. Now, tell me where you are!"
"PROFESS -hic- YOUR GAY LOVE FOR ME AND I WILL TELL YOU THE ADDRESS."
"What?"
"YOU LOVE ME."
"I'm not gay."
"Oh, trust me....YOU ARE."
"WHERE ARE YOU, AXEL!"
"TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL."
"Fine, what the hell. I love you Axel."
"Do you mean it!?" (Insert Axel Chibi face.)
"Yes, whatever."
"Ah! YOU GUYS! ROXAS PROFESSED HIS LOVE FOR ME!"
"..."
"Roku?"
"Are your friends right there, Axel?"
"YEP!"
"How do you feel about being murdered, chopped up, and your pieces scattered across the earth in a precise fashion?"
"ANYTHING FOR YOU, ROKU-CAKES."
"See you when you get home, Aku-cakes."
Where the fuck did this come from?
Don't ask. Sorry for destroying your brain with a senseless oneshot.
It's to make up for the horrible chapter 14 in vegas skies today.
Any review is wanted, and point out my stories to everyone!
IM GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.