The School Thinks we're Dating
"Hey Freddie," chorused a group of junior girls as they swiftly approached Freddie's locker. Carly and Sam watched the scene incredulously from across the hall.
Freddie gave the group a small smile before unconsciously running a hand through his messy hair. A redhead from the group hastily wiped a trail of drool off her freckled chin.
"Hey girls," Freddie waved, somewhat sheepishly. "How goes it?" Sam abruptly laughed and Carly hit her gently on the shoulder, keeping her eyes locked on the scene.
The leader of the group, who Freddie understood was Britney Sparo, took a step forward and flipped her blonde hair, smiling at him seductively. "Nothing," she said in a dangerously low voice. "I was wondering…" she said, licking her lips. Freddie stood powerless. "…If you would like to accompany me to the Groovy Smoothie, today?"
She turned to look at her friends, who nodded their heads zealously. They all turned to look at Freddie, awaiting an answer. "Um…uh…well…uh….I…"Freddie looked around for help. He spotted Carly and Sam across the hall. "I can't…" He said finally. Britney looked offended and dramatically put a hand to her chest.
"I'm sorry…did you just say no to me?" Her green eyes were blazing, virtually burning a whole into Freddie's bright brown ones.
"I said, I couldn't"
She stomped her foot, causing Freddie to jump slightly and proceeded to snap her fingers.
"Amber, towel!" she commanded and the redhead of the group instantaneously drew a pastel pink towel from her bag and padded it on Britney's forehead. "Stop!" Britney commanded, and took a deep breath. "Why the hell would you say no to me?" She shrieked, and Freddie looked more nervous than before. "Do you know who I am?
"Uh…."He stammered and then spotted Carly and Sam, who were sniggering. "I'm going out with someone else…?"
"Was that a question?"
"It was an answer."
"Didn't sound so confident."
"Trust me," he smiled and winked making Britney and her clan lightheaded. Tears were practically swimming in her green eyes. Freddie tried not to make eye contact with her and instead signaled Carly and Sam to come over. "Believe me." He said as they gradually made their way over, Sam looking quite reluctant.
"With who?" she demanded.
"Uh…w-what?"
"With who?" She repeated indignantly. "Who could this girl possibly be?"
"Uh….um…well…you…she's…"
"Don't tell me she's sexier than me!" Britney shrieked, flipping her hair. "No one is as sexy as me!" A couple of girls from her clan rolled their eyes. "No one is as blonde as me, no one is as preppy as me, no one is as bouncy as me," she grabbed her boobs. "Do you see these?" She screeched. "Their real!"
"Uh…"Freddie was at lost for words, he took a glimpse at her chest. "They're…nice?" Carly and Sam couldn't be any slower.
"Again, you didn't sound so sure."
"They're nice." Freddie repeated, decisively.
"Go on," she took a step closer. "Touch them." Freddie leaned firmly against the locker. "Touch them," she repeated.
"That won't be necessary," said a girlish voice from the background and everyone turned. It was Carly with her hands planted firmly on her hips with Sam, smirking devilishly in front of her. Freddie sighed in relief and watched as Sam circled Britney as Carly walked over to him. Britney pretended to yawn and stared disbelievingly at Sam. She snapped. "Julia! File!" and a nail file was instantly in her hands.
"So this is your date?" Britney laughed, filing her nails. "You're going out with Samantha?" She clapped twice and all the girls in her group laughed. She snapped and they stopped abruptly.
Sam gritted her teeth, Carly and Freddie watched her knowingly. "It's Sam." Sam made a fist. "And we are not going out."
"I have a corn bit stuck in my teeth." Carly said, attempting to change the subject.
They all ignored her. Sam looked absolutely furious and Britney did not look the least bit intimidated.
"Well, Sam," Britney said, sardonically. "It's pretty obvious that Freddie is seriously sick. I mean c'mon, look at you. You're not as blonde as me." She glanced at Sam's blonde hair, using the nail file as a pointer. "You are definitely not as preppy as me and…" She grabbed her boobs once more. "I'm not a size B, I bounce"
Sam didn't hesitate before smacking Britney straight across her face. Britney gasped, her face was red and sweaty and her friends screamed and formed a circle around her. Sam pushed through the circle. Britney clutched the left side of her face.
"Oh but Britney," Sam smirked. "I'm like so much better than you!" she said in her best valley girl impression and flipped her hair mockingly. She then nodded towards Freddie and Carly who were smiling from ear to ear. "Now if you excuse me, there are fish sticks waiting for me in the cafeteria."
Freddie glanced at Britney and the crowd of girls surrounding her, before following Sam and Carly to the cafeteria.
"Can you believe that, skankbag?" Sam said, walking so fast that Carly and Freddie had to run to keep up with her. Carly shook her head and Freddie just shrugged. "Why would she think I'm going out with Fredwart?"
"I'm right here." Freddie sighed; he blew his bangs away from his face.
"Hush!" Sam replied rudely and then stopped abruptly. "Wait…"she said more to herself. "Wait…what did you tell her?" She shoved Freddie in his chest and was slightly shocked at how hard he was. She attempted to shove him again but he grabbed her hand in the hair. "What did you tell her?!" she repeated, firmly pulling her hand away.
"Nothing about you!" Freddie snapped back.
"Guys!" Carly jumped in-between them, holding out her arms. "We are in the middle of---"
"Freddork!" Sam briskly cut in. "Keep your disgusting fantasies to yourself." She stepped on his foot. "Now the whole freakin' school is going to think we're going out!"
Freddie grimaced in pain. "What fantasies?" Freddie exclaimed, clutching his foot. "The only fantasy I've ever hadof you wasn't at all romantic! It involved the FBI, the Seattle police department, the secret service, some cashews, some seeds, a lion, a tiger and a bear!" Freddie heaved.
"Oh my!" Carly giggled, Freddie and Sam glared it her. "Ha ha. It's funny because you said a lion, a tiger and a bear!" She snorted with laughter, smacking Sam playfully on the shoulder. "A-and I said, OH MY!" She continued to laugh uncontrollably for about ten seconds. "You guys kill me!"
"Trust me, Carls," Sam said, staring fiercely at Freddie. "You are not the person I want to kill right now!" Sam lunged forward, scaring Freddie. "Why the hell would you give her a stupid idea like that?" Sam yelled. She contained herself, visibly shook.
"Okay relax, Sam, relax. You could move to Texas…no one would ever come looking for you." She whispered to herself. "Eat all the meat you want! You'll definitely fit in!"
Freddie looked incredulous. "Let me guess, you're going to change your name too?"
"Yes!" Sam said, shrilly. "Yes, I'll change my name to something weird like…I don't know…um…Jennette! Yes…yes…Jennette McCurdy!" She clapped her hands together enthusiastically. "Yes, perfect! No one will ever suspect that we're," she couched. "A c-cou," She mock gagged. "The word is too hard to say!"
"Couple?" Carly suggested, innocently.
"You said the evil word."
"Couple?"
"Don't repeat it!"
"This is ridiculous!" Freddie shouted. "No one is going to think that I'm going out with you!" Freddie cringed. "I'll go out with you when Lewbert finds himself a hot girlfriend…who's not blind."
"Last week." Carly said, cheerfully.
"L-last week what?" Freddie looked at her warily.
"Lewbert found himself a hot girlfriend." Carly smiled. Freddie and Sam were utterly shocked. "And, she's not blind!"
"What?" Sam said, in shock. "What planet is she from?
"She looks pretty normal to me." Carly shrugged. "Actually, she looks pretty hot to me." She contemplated for a second. "I think she might be a model."
"No mental disease?"
"Nope."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Drugs?"
"Don't think so."
"Ah ha!" Sam squealed. "That must be it!"
"No Sam, she looked like she had a good head on her shoulders."
"So does every smokin' hot model." She proclaimed. "It's all an act. I mean c'mon, it's Lewbert. Lewbert."
Something caught Freddie's eye. "Wait…look!" he pointed. A group of students were swiftly making their way towards the trio. They looked incredibly enthusiastic. Carly, Sam and Freddie retreated slowly but the large group caught up to them. There were about thirty students all looking at the three with wide excited eyes.
"Is it true?" one of them asked, particularly to Sam. "Are you and Freddie going out?" They all nodded their heads fervently, some even holding cameras and notepads.
"No!"
"When are you guys getting married?" another asked.
"Never."
"How are the kids?"
"What kids?"
"I heard you have one in the oven."
"What the fu-"
"How 'bout you, Freddie?"
"What about me?"
"I heard you like smelling her hair!"
"Well, I heard, they kissed on a fire escape."
"I heard that they hid in the iCarly room supply closet and did some things!"
"SHUT UP!" Freddie and Sam yelled in unison. "Who is telling you these things?" Sam demanded. She stomped her foot irately on the floor. "Tell me who so I could punch them in the face!" She then turned her attention to Freddie, who blushed under her fierce glare. "This is your entire fault!" She struck out an accusing finger.
"You know," a mousy headed girl said from the crowd. "This is why the whole school thinks you guys are going out." She giggled. "You guys make a very cute couple."
Sam laughed. She heard this girl wrong. "Excuse me? Did you say the whole school thinks me and this nub are dating?"
"Principal Franklin just came home from buying you and Freddie anniversary gifts!"
The entire crowed nodded and muttered with discussion. Carly looked at Sam and Freddie. "The whole school thinks you guys are dating." She said, slowly.
Sam and Freddie looked at each other. This was not good.