To Know Is Worse
Regina and Katherine are walking down the corridor of the grocery store when Regina feels a sharp pain in her leg. She tries to hide her discomfort and she manages to make it through the rest of the errand and back home before Katherine asks her if she is okay.
"Yes I'm fine, I think maybe I pushed myself too hard during my morning run," Regina supplies as answer to Katherine's' question. Once Katherine leaves the mansion Regina makes her way to her room and retires to her Queen sized bed for the rest of the day, knowing that no one cares enough to disturb her at home.
Emma notices that Regina has been pretty off lately, she hasn't gotten so much as an angry phone call from Regina insisting that she wants to see Henry because she hasn't seen Henry in over a month. Emma wants to confront Regina so she decides after her shift at the station is over she will head over to Regina's mansion and see what all the distance is about.
Emma knocks on the front door expecting to see a perfect red lipped scowl greet her at the door but, instead a pale face and sickly thin Regina greets Emma. "What are you doing here?" Regina asks Emma. Emma is speechless for a moment before she quickly pulls herself together to answer the brunettes question.
"I came to see why I haven't got a call from you asking why I haven't brought Henry over here to see you," Emma says in reply. The brunette shows a ghost of a smirk before answering back with a frown etched on her face, " I have been very busy and it seems that Henry has no interest of me being in his life so I have decided to respect his wishes and let him be."
Emma's face sets into a frown of her own as she says "You never give up, you're Regina Mills and I'm pretty sure Henry needs you despite his thinking he doesn't."
Emma pushes past Regina and walks into the house tired of standing on the porch of the brunettes' mansion.
"Regina are you okay you look really sick."
"No I just have the flu, everyone has had the virus, I'm surprised you haven't had it yet."
"Yeah but from what I heard no one has seen you in like two weeks."
"Well, I don't know who told you that but, their information is incorrect."
"Well, I have to go and pick the kid up from school would you mind if I brought him by," the blond responds after a pregnant pause.
"Don't force him to come, but if he agrees then I suppose that would be fine."
"Okay well I hope you are taking care of yourself," the younger woman makes out before leaving the Mills residence.
Regina carries herself upstairs to her bedroom to sleep away all of her aches and her fatigue. Later Regina awakens with a start to the sound of the doorbell ringing and someone knocking or rather banging on the door. "Coming!" she yells down the stairs as she rushes to open the front door to silence the constant throbbing in her head.
"I thought I'd bring Henry by because you said that it was okay to come now."
"Yeah I do remember saying something like that, come in I guess."
"Henry, what do you say to your mom," Emma reminds Henry in the hope of jump starting a conversation between the two.
"Hello, Henry how are you?" Regina says to try and cut through the awkwardness.
They all decide to sit on the couch in the living room with Regina sitting across from Henry and Emma in the loveseat.
"Are you really sick, you never get sick," Henry says with an air of denial. Although Regina would have hoped for a better start in the conversation, talking is better than not talking. "I'm fine, I'm just going through the ending symptoms of the flu," Regina says with as much emotion as she can. "Are you going to be okay or should I be worried?," Henry asks trying to get to the bottom of the conversation. "Yes I'll be as healthy as one can be by the end of the week."
"That's good," Henry replies and then becomes closed off again. Regina scolds herself in her mind for lying to Henry but what good would it do for her to tell him that the woman who raised and cared for him for ten years has chosen to be a coward and die rather than fight for her life.
"So, are we going to discuss a schedule for which days each of us are to have Henry, or are we going to sit here in silence for the rest of this visit?" Emma asks after at least five minutes of complete silence from the brunette's of the room.
"Um, I think we should discuss this on another day when I am to my normal self and when there aren't young ears listening to the conversation," Regina replies as soon as Emma finishes her question.
Henry finds the conversation his mothers are having non-interesting until Regina mentions him vaguely. "Mom I'm not a child and you're not allowed to lie to me anymore, remember," he asks as though Regina would forget the promise she made that she had just broken mere minutes ago.
"Yes, Henry I remember and I am not lying to you I just feel that me and Emma should talk when I feel better." Regina tries to perform a genuine smile but everyone in the room recognizes that the smile is more for show than an actual relaxed smile.
Regina looks from Henry to Emma which then helps her make up her mind. "I know you guys have to get back home in time for Henry to do his homework and get ready for dinner so I'll show you guys out."
"So you're kicking us out when we just arrived here like ten minutes ago, I thought maybe you wanted to spend more time with Henry," Emma responds with anger, because to her looks as though Regina has actually given up on trying to improve her relationship with Henry.
"No I am not kicking you out, I just assumed that you had more pressing matters than sitting here with me in complete silence," Regina replies solemnly.
Henry glances at Regina before he decides to stop the soon to be arguement by getting up from the couch and walking out the door without saying a word to Regina as a farewell.
Regina watched as Henry exited her home as though he hadn't lived in the mansion since he was a few days old.
Emma stands up and starts walking towards the door before turning on her heel and saying,"I thought this would be a good way for you and Henry to start building your relationship as mother and son back up but then you do this."
"I didn't mean to hurt Henry, no one ever wants to spend time with me so why would you or Henry be any different."
"Because Henry is your son and because I just want to see Henry happy." After Emma says this she leaves through the front door and tries to catch up to Henry who is about five minutes up the street.
Regina sighs and closes the door before heading back upstairs to fall into her bed and as soon as her head hits the pillow she is fast asleep.
The next morning Regina is awakened by the sound of her house phone ringing. "Hello, Regina Mills residence."
"Hello Mayor Mills this is Doctor Whale, I just wanted to try and persuade you again about going along with the chemotherapy."
"We have already talked about this Doctor Whale, I have decided that I don't want to go through with the chemo and that I wish not to speak about the topic again."
"Regina if you won't do the therapy then you have to start setting things up for if or rather when you die. Have you thought about who is going to take your place as Mayor or how you're going to give up your rights as Henry's legal guardian?"
To tell the truth Regina had not even thought about what would happen after she died. So she decided that today she would give her two weeks notice as Mayor and that she would spend a few weeks setting up everything for when she was to pass on. You'd think that Regina would be scared about dying but, it felt good to know that she was pushing for an end goal that would end all her suffering and everyone else's in the process.
"Yes I understand Dr. Whale and I plan on having everything all prepared by the time I die. Goodbye."
Regina typed up a letter that expressed that she was resigning and that she already had someone in mind to take her place as Mayor. She also typed up a letter that she would send to that person making sure that they were up for the challenge of Mayor.
Regina strutted into her office and began to accomplish all of the reports and paperwork that she didn't do because of her illness.
Sydney Glass comes in holding his camera around his neck with a black strap and holding coffee in his other hand. "Madame Mayor, you're back what a wonderful surprise. Do you have any assignments for me today?"
"Hello Sidney, as a matter of fact I do. Could you deliver this letter to the address printed on the front and could you put this letter in the mail bin when you pass it on your way out. Thank you." Regina smiles to herself, the first thing on her todo list is crossed off and she is ready for the next task.
Regina arrives home and as soon as she closes her front door she removes her heels and collapses on her couch. She feels that everything is in motion and she can't wait to be done so she can really relax before things get too bad for her. This leads her to start thinking about what she will tell Henry or Emma when she is on her deathbed. Henry might not even want anything to do with her, then nothing will have changed but at least she knows that she will still have the memories of the good days with Henry.
It is to the sound of knocking at her door that she realizes she had dozed off at some point. She stands up from the couch, gains her balance and then opens the door.
Emma pushes past Regina and plops down on the couch that Regina was just sleeping on. "Hello to you too Ms. Swan, may I ask what the hell you are doing in my house."
"Well you see I was planning on not talking to you for a while but, then Snow... er... Mary... er... my mom called and told me that she received a letter that was sent from you telling her that you are resigning as Mayor and giving the position to her."
"Yes, that is true but only if she wants to become Mayor I think I know someone else who might take the position if she doesn't want the responsibility. What did she say, did she say she would or wouldn't take the position?"
Emma stares blankly at Regina. "What the hell Regina, if something is going on I want to know right now?" Emma glares at The pale brunette while waiting for an explanation for her quitting her job.
Regina rolls her eyes at Emma and then walks into the kitchen as though Emma didn't ask her a question.
Emma follows Regina and stands right in front of her so she can't go anywhere. "You heard what I asked you, so answer my question."
Regina stares into Emma's sea green eyes and contemplates the pros and cons of letting her secret out to Emma. After a minute or two she decides that telling Emma is the wrong choice and that she should keep this to herself.
"I don't know what you want me to say, Ms. Swan." Regina replies with a frustrated eye roll.
"You're hiding something and I would like to know what it is that you are hiding."
"Even if I was hiding something, it wouldn't be any of your business."
"Yes it would, Henry is your son and because you have that connection to him that we both share I deserve to know."
"I don't care what you think you deserve, my life sure as hell doesn't concern you and it never will."
Emma sighs and runs a hand threw her hair, " Regina all I want to do is help you, why can't you see that."
"Why? Why do you want to help me so bad?" Regina yells with a frustrated air.
"Because I care, you wouldn't understand because of those walls you put up. I care because you gave a wonderful life to my son for ten years and didn't ask for anything in return except his love. You are the reason that I am able to see my son flourish in all things without anything stopping him from reaching the things he wants in life. I can't say I did that for him because I gave him up, but you can say you did and I thank you for that. So that's why I care what happens to you. Whatever it is you can tell me and I won't judge you, I promise just tell me so I can help you, please." By the end of the speech Emma is ready to force Regina to tell her what she is hiding.
"I'm sick, Emma."
Emma knows that Regina is more than just sick because of the use of her first name. "Sick, as in the flu that you said you had."
"No sick as in I have cancer, more specifically chondrosarcoma which is a type of bone cancer." Regina walks into the living room and sits ungracefully onto the loveseat in front of Emma who had followed her back into the living room. "The tumor in my leg was cancerous and the cancerous tissue spread. Dr. Whale said I needed to come in for chemotherapy."
Emma stands up and starts pacing, "what do you mean you have bone cancer?"
Regina rolls her eyes, "exactly what I said, I have chondrosarcoma which I thought was insane because it mostly runs in men."
"How can you be so nonchalant about this Regina, how long have you known you had this?"
"A while, it doesn't matter how long I have known, it matters that I have it."
"When were you planning on telling anyone that you have a deadly disease?"
"I wasn't planning on telling anyone, but you like to put your nose in everyone else's business."
"You weren't even going to tell Henry were you?"
"I want Henry to love me for me, I don't want him to tolerate me because I have this sickness that is killing me from the inside out."
"Henry has a right to know that his mother is sick."
"He will know soon enough."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"I have everything set up for when I die, I resigned, I had my adoption papers written up so that I can say that you get full custody of Henry, and I also left you and Henry in my will to get all of my possessions, that is if you want them."
"Why are you talking like you are going to die, as if you are certain?"
"Because I know for sure that I am going to die, and I'm okay with that."
"I thought you said you started chemo, there is still a chance you could survive, and I believe that you will."
Regina stands up from the couch and walks off to the kitchen to get a glass of water with Emma hot on her tail. Emma makes sure that she approaches this topic different than she had before.
Emma grabs Regina's arm gently. "Regina, you have already told me about the illness, why can't you tell me what is bothering you now, why you don't have any hope?"
"I decided that I don't want to do chemo."
"Are you fucking kidding me, Regina you have Henry to think about and this town needs you."
"These people never cared about me so why should I care about them. I have been on the side of this town for a long time and what do I have to show for it? A son who hates me, a town of people who hate me and they all probably would be happy to know that I am dying."
"You can't be so sure Regina, people have noticed that you are trying to change for the better."
"Yeah, I can tell by all the mail I get telling me that they wish I would die, or by the whispering I hear them say when they think I'm out of earshot, or by the..."
"Regina, stop, the only thing that should matter to you is how the people you care about feel about you."
And as I stated before Henry hates me, and Robin Hood went back to Marian, and I don't blame him I would have hurt him in the end anyways."
Emma's cell phone rings and she answers it out of instinct, I could be from the sheriff's station. "Hello, you go for Swan."
"Yeah"
"Okay"
"I'll be there in ten"
Emma hangs up and puts the phone back in her pocket. "Well that was Henry, so I have to go but this conversation is far from over."
Regina leads Emma towards the front door. "We'll see about that. I don't really want to talk about this anymore and I also don't want you to tell anyone about this, I swear Miss. Swan if you tell anyone..."
"Yeah, yeah I know you will destroy my happiness if it is the last thing you do."
"Haha very funny I was going to say that I would rip out your heart and feed it to the dragon in the library."