He wakes every midnight gasping in shallow breaths with sweat beading down his forehead and brow.
Another nightmare.
He frantically searches his night table and pulls it out of the first drawer, clutching the metal and cloth tightly. His tears mix with his sweat and it slips into the deep scratch on the forehead protector. He sees his reflection in the gleaming metal. He doesn't see a boy anymore.
He sees a demon.
"Naruto, I'm going to ask you one more time. Are you sure you want to do this training?" When Jiraiya was serious, it meant business.
"Of course ero-sennin! I'm going to save Sasuke from the snake bastard and kick his butt for hurting Sakura-chan!" Jiraiya smiled at the young boy, too naïve even though he had already experienced thorough hatred from the villagers.
"But I have to warn you Naruto, with this training, you may start gaining more demonic traits.." He had not mentioned this part to Tsunade or the council, as they would've immediately protested.
He knew this was what the Fourth wanted, but he wanted Naruto to have the choice himself.
"Eh? You mean the stupid fox? Yeah right!" Jiraiya was sure he had heard a low growl sound pass through his mind before disappearing as fast as it had appeared.
Maybe he should've listened to the older man back then. Of course, nobody ever mentioned his crimson and slit eyes nor did they mention his fox like ears, but he saw, he knew, he smelt it.
Their fear, anger, hatred.
He could no longer walk around Konoha with a joyful attitude, nor could he make any sudden movements either. He would immediately scare off the people standing within two blocks of view and hearing range.
Now that the Sandaime was dead and they knew he had found out about his demon, the villagers whispered about it all the time, especially in front of him.
"The fox demon from sixteen years ago. I heard that the boy's seal is loosening. What if it comes back again? What are we going to do? We don't have another shinobi like Yondaime!"
"We should send him off on a suicidal mission and maybe we would get lucky."
He took it all in. After all, he had chosen this path to save Sasuke and this was the price.
He would sometimes wonder if it was worth it.
Another failed mission on retrieving the former comrade of Team Seven.
Sakura didn't seem to feel a little more than irritated this time and had easily brushed it off.
Sai had shrugged it off and had returned to Ne to continue his ANBU missions.
His eyes had dulled further into acceptance after a while like everybody else.
After all, it had been their twelfth attempt.
He wondered why Tsunade still allowed her best field medic, an ANBU captain, a Root member and a jinchuuriki go on a failure mission such as this.
But he knew. She wanted to somehow repent for not being able to save Orochimaru.
But then, had she really done the wrong thing for not going after Orochimaru?
She seemed happy now, calm.
He couldn't remember what those things meant.
With his shoulders slumped he would walk home after every failed attempt only feeling
Exhausted
Empty
Dead.
He would sometimes wonder if it was worth it.
He finds Sakura's comforting hand on his shoulder as he slurps ramen.
She ushers to him that they would bring him back next time
And he half-heartedly mutters back the usual phrase of the promised he had made years ago. Had he even made a promise? He couldn't even remember. The years of the chuunin exam, genin years, it all seemed to be a blur, an illusion.
He completely misses the worried glance Sakura passes his way.
After all, she loves Sasuke and she is only doing this so she could see her love again.
It didn't matter that he loved her did it? After all, Sasuke was so much better.
and
He would sometimes wonder if it was worth it.
He sees the worried looks the others give him, as he doesn't perk at the mention of another 'Sasuke' mission.
His curious gaze wanders around the room, his eyes meeting every other one, trying to understand why it had been so surprising of a reaction.
Then he realizes.
Tsunade had not given him endless missions and supplies for a failing cause because she had felt guilty.
It was because she wanted him to be happy.
Sakura did not chase after Sasuke because she was still madly in love with him.
It was because she cared about him and his happiness.
Sai.
Yamato.
Kakashi.
Hinata.
Kiba.
Shino.
Shikamaru.
Neji.
Tenten.
Lee.
Ino.
Chouji.
Jiraiya.
Iruka.
They had all acknowledged his existence and had only wanted him to be happy.
While Sasuke did not care.
He really wondered if it was worth it.
The rest of them had moved on long ago.
The only reason they hadn't severed the weak bonds with Sasuke had been because of himself.
When he had wiped his eyes of the brimming tears, he raised his eyes in determination.
This time, he was going to sever it completely.
Sasuke had ceased to think of him as a brother, friend, or even a comrade anymore.
Maybe it was time he did the same.
For Naruto's birthday I guess..and anybody else's whose birthday is today:D