I had no idea that Jimmy was developing any kind of feelings for me outside of friendship. I love all my boys equally. They are a rowdy bunch with distinct personalities that are sometimes combative, but for the most part, they are good, decent boys.
I worry about them all when they are away from the station, Jimmy most of all. He is too damn cocky and sure of himself for his own good. I had thought that his run in with Longley would have smartened him up, but I don't think it had one little bit.
Having him escort me to Fort Reunion was not my choice, and might not have been the best idea considering everything that has happened. He nearly drowned trying to save my life when I fell off the ferry.
That night as we sat by the campfire, wrapped in our blankets, so our outer clothing could dry, I caught him glancing my way a time or two. Not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable, I made sure to cover myself up as much as possible with my blanket, and tried to set his mind at ease.
I suppose talking about girls, underthings, and the 'special feelings' they can stir up within a boy might not have been the best choice of conversations, because as soon as I laid down to sleep, I felt Jimmy lean over me. I held my breath and kept my eyes closed hoping that he wouldn't do anything that we would both regret, and was relieved when I sensed him move away. Only after I heard him settle down on his pallet on the other side of the fire, did I breathe a sigh of relief.
Jimmy didn't act any differently towards me the next morning, and I was glad. Our arrival at Fort Reunion was a surprise to the fort's occupants. Their news for me was equally surprising. I was glad to hear that my friend had given birth to a healthy son, but had been escorted away from the fort along with the rest of the wives, for their protection.
There were hostiles in the area and my friend's husband had been killed with several other men at Cedar Springs. Jimmy and I were both dismayed to learn that we were being placed under the protection of the arms until reinforcements could arrive.
That night a young, drunken soldier tried getting friendly with me, and Jimmy nearly beat the tar out of him before the lieutenant rushed in with some other soldiers. They escorted my attacker out of the quarters we had been given and it was only then that I broke down.
Jimmy pulled me into his arms and held me. He told me he wouldn't let anyone hurt me ever again, and I believed him. If I hadn't been so shaken up by the whole thing, I might have picked up on the tone of his voice or the way he was holding me, a lot quicker.
As I gathered my emotions, I drew back realizing it wasn't proper the way he was holding me so tightly, and before I could pull totally away, Jimmy kissed me. I was stunned for a moment, but quickly drew away from him.
Jimmy was quick to apologize for kissing me without asking me first, and added that he had done so because he cared for me. I assured him that I knew he would never do anything to hurt me, but told him that there couldn't be anything other than friendship between us, and then I went back to bed.
I know that My words hurt him, but I had to be honest with him. I did care for him, but not in the way he wants me too. Again, he didn't act any differently towards me in the morning, but his actions over the next couple of days, told me he was hurting nevertheless.
He signed up to be a scout. He helped captured Indian escape, and then got himself shot trying to go over a wall to rendezvous with the Indian in order to learn the truth about what really happened at Cedar Springs.
It tore me up to shear him say he was ' old enough to get killed, but not old enough for me.' I had not words to respond to him. I was afraid to say anything that he would misunderstand, so I just held onto his hands and said nothing.
Sam and Buck showed up the next day and I was so glad to see them. I wanted nothing more than to leave Fort Reunion and head home to Sweetwater. I hope that in time, Jimmy's feelings for me will ease into something akin to friendship. I suppose only time will tell.