I woke up shivering cold, feeling as though all the life had been sucked out of me. It was like I could not think of anything happy in the whole wide world. I felt dizzy, and neoutious, and it had been days since I had consumed bacon cooked on my george foreman grill. I quickly realized that the dementors were after me again. Combatting their dark energy was very difficult, but I knew that the only way they would leave me alone is if I thought of the happiest thoughts I could muster. First, I thought of my best friends, Jim and Pam. Next, I thought of last years Dundee awards where I won "World's Best Boss" for the 8th year in a row. Still, the dementors would not relent, so I thought of one final happy thought - the happiest thought I could muster. I thought of Ryan - His luscious, dark curls, the way that he looked at me around the Office, and the way he made my insides tingle. Suddenly, the dementors could no longer consume me, and they disappeared. "Yo, Prison Mike - the dementors get to you again?" My bunkmate asked.

"Yes, they seem to have a liking for me, as almost everyone does." I replied.

Now that I was up and awake, it was time for me to be released from my cell, for morning gruel. The cell was dark and dismal, and I was only released 3 times a day to eat my servings of gruel, gruel sandwiches for breakfast, gruel omlettes for dinner, and my own hair for dessert. (They did not allow lunch here.) Living in the clink was difficult. You may be wondering how I wound up here, me being the stand up, charming, funny guy I am. Well, I accidently smoked weed at a Shakira concert, and then I kidnapped the presidents daughter, and now, here I am, stuck in this cell for 5 years, never even getting the chance to see the light of day until my 5 years are up. I had already been in prison for 3 days, but honestly it felt like I had been in for at least 4 days, time just goes that slow in here. I wished more than ever that I could go to work, to be in my familiar environment, admiring my dundees, watching youtube videos all day, and drinking coffee out of my "World's Best Boss" mug. More than the sense of familiarity I had at work, all of my closest friends were at the office. I am used to seeing them every day, so it has been difficult living without them here in the old clink. If my chubs at the office knew how bad it was in here, they would never complain about a day at work ever again. After having that thought, I made a point to make a note in my diary to hold a conference meeting as soon as I am back at the office, to show all of them how good they really have it there, and to scare them straight from ever quitting their jobs.