Set in the Sirius Trouble Universe ie this is a sequel. Of sorts. Well, vaguely, in that it comes after Sirius Trouble

PROLOGUE – Everything's just Speechy

Graduation Day dawned bright and sunny… except that it wasn't called graduation day, as this was England rather than the good old US of A.  The students had terms rather than semesters, the closest they got to GPA's and extra credit was in the cinema, not that they were overly happy about it.  Mainly because of the end-of-year exams, which they had all suffered in order to be sitting on the grass, listening to speeches and clapping for awards to be given out, when all they really wanted to be doing was packing for their holidays.  Nevertheless it all meant that O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s were taken somewhat seriously (not Siriusly).

However, all those were now past for another year, and for one year group they were over for good: today was the day that one of the most famous year groups in Hogwarts' History finished with their schooling ( whether this was wise or not was another matter entirely – and left (hopefully, or not)) for good.

Albus Dumbledore had had a difficult time constructing his speech, as he had given his moralistic turn after the Great Battle and, given the number of journalists likely to be present on the day Harry Potter was declared a free wizard and eligible bachelor, he felt that spouting the usual rubbish he got away with at the feasts was not going to go down well with the population at large.  In the end he settled for a short piece commemorating the years, events and adventures of the valedictorians, or three in particular, (and lets face it condensing book five wouldn't be all that hard), all the while not trying to make the other years feel as if they were boring and a bit lacklustre in comparison (even though they blatantly were).  And then in a stroke of genius, he announced that as everyone was here to see Harry anyway, he'd be giving the main speech.

Fortunately he had warned Harry of this in advance, or the next few minutes could have been distinctly uncomfortable.  On the other hand, an off-the-cuff speech by young Mr Potter may have caused less trouble.  Never give someone with a grievance a soapbox to stand on.

He began, predictably enough, by thanking his friends and acknowledging their achievements.  Hermione, again predictably enough, had been made Head Girl, best in class, and possessed of many prizes and accolades, such as Hogwarts was able to extend.  She had also been given a Smartie.  We think it had something to do with tradition.  Ron, not so predictably, did not die in a blaze of glory in defence of Harry's life, as everyone had expected him to do.  So, minus a self-sacrifice later, and he was still alive, if not kicking, as he was far too polite for all that malarkey, and albeit with some interesting medical problems of which he was soon to become aware.  How much could be blamed on Voldemort and how much just had to be put down to inbreeding was still up for debate.

Others had Quidditch team places lined up for when they left, which had to be mentioned, and others had apprenticeships and jobs, which Harry duly enumerated, sounding almost as bored as you would have been if I had bothered to write them down, or even make them up.  Because lets face it they were all just cannon fodder and plot devices anyway.  It was only after he had lulled everyone into a false sense of security (showing that he had taken his Slytherin side out to play with now and then – what you thought there would be no innuendo?) that he sent one out to left field, and began by taking a deep, steadying breath.

"And that is the end of my duty as The-Boy-Who-Lived-To-Kill-Voldemort, the last service I will perform for the wizarding world (oh aye?).  Now a few comments for my own pleasure…

"First, Snape is a closet Gryffindor–appreciator, with too much time on his hands to think of insults, and an encyclopaedic knowledge of Muggle films.  But he really does think that black goes with everything.

"Second, Draco's gay and wants to be a fashion designer, but too chicken to announce it.  The fashion designer bit, not the gay bit, I just thought I'd reiterate in case any of you had missed it in the last term.  So help him get started and buy clothes from him – I'm sure he'll give you a student discount even though you've left school.

"Lastly, I'm never going to tell you how Voldemort died, but rest assured the last thing his departing essence heard was a suitably witty pun from my lips.  Why am I not going to tell you any more?  Because you're boring, predictable, for the most part snobs and there's vanishingly few of you that I actually want to see again.  Ever.  I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

"So good day, have a nice life, please forget all about me and pick a new obsession, and as my parting shot, I'd just like to quote the venerable old saying:

(and here he paused, showing a somewhat improved flair for dramatics by not yelling at the top of his voice.)

"No-one expects the Spanish inquisition."

That said he turned and walked away, down the long drive to the gates and straight into the waiting white stretch limo.  If Snape had been able to hear above his attempts to suppress laughter (his own and everyone around him in a scrooge-like way) he would have heard Draco declaring that the boy would just never have class.

Harry, as always, remained oblivious.  To all things, except maybe the design of the interior of the House of Lords. (A/N: must spend less time with Ravenclaw Art Historians)

REFERENCES:

Lord of the Rings

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

Monty Python (surprise surprise)

CHAPTERS UPDATED WEEKLY. USUALLY.