Wolf had been so tired he didn't wake at his usual hour. He was being cushioned by something soft that smelled of Virginia. Instead, he was woken by an itchy feeling by his nose and a trembling cry from beside him.
"Oh, my God!" The Huntsman! Wolf pushed himself upright, concerned. Virginia's breaths were coming in shallow, panicked gasps. She was tenderly touching her scalp and looking all around her. Wolf followed her gaze.
"Goodness me! Cripes," he said when he saw it.
"It's everywhere," she whined. It truly was. Hair grew in all directions. Wolf could no longer see the floor.
"What am I going to do?" she asked. This was one of those times when a girl needed her father.
"Tony!" he called.
"It's growing up the stairs!" Her voice caught in her throat. Wolf had to save her from this curse if it was the last thing he ever did. He didn't want Virginia to be sad anymore.
"What is it? What?" yelled Tony as he came into view. He stopped short when he saw the hair on the stairwell, his eyes growing wide as he took in the situation. "Hold on. I'm coming."
He carefully made his way down the stairs and crouched down beside his daughter.
"We're going to fix this, okay?" he told her, then to Wolf he said, "Any ideas?" Wolf shrugged, dumbfounded. He'd never come across anything like this. He'd heard stories of Rapunzel, though he didn't think a lord could kill a witch and save the day this time.
"We could try cutting it, right?" asked Tony. Wolf was about to argue that he didn't think that would work, but he caught sight of Virginia's face. She was clearly distraught.
"Sure," he said, "Let's try to find something sharp."
In the end they found a cache of gardening tools. They had taken Virginia outside and Tony was trying to chop through her hair with a pair of hedge trimmers while Wolf was sawing away with a machete. Tony groaned, dropping the oversized scissors into a pile of other tools they'd already used.
"It's no use. Nothing cuts through this," he said. Virginia groaned as Wolf discarded his own tool.
"What if it never stops growing," she asked in a small voice. "I'm going to die of long hair!" Wolf could tell she was trying not to cry. He knelt by her side and put his hand on her arm for comfort. He wasn't sure how much good it would do.
"Don't despair," a tiny voice said. They looked up into the trees. It was one of the magic birds. "Because you saved my life, I will tell you how to cut your hair." Wolf silently praised Virginia for setting them free. At least some good came of it. Virginia's face was shining with hope.
"Please," she begged.
"Deep in the forest, there is a woodsman with a magic axe that, when swung, never fails to cut whatever it hits," it chirped, "and it will cut your hair and cure the curse." With that, the bird took its leave.
"We'd better get moving before Virginia's hair gets too long," Wolf told the others. He began to gather her hair as quickly as possible.
"Yeah. These apples look good, though, huh?" Tony said, crossing over to a tree and plucking one from the branch. He was about to take a bite when Wolf ran over to him and took the apple.
"Tony! What are you doing? Don't eat that apple!" He flung it into the forest.
"Hey! Why not?" Tony whined. Wolf's heart was pounding in his chest. Virginia just almost lost her father.
"Think about where you are. Snow White's cottage." Wolf went to help Virginia with her hair again.
"Yeah?" said Tony. He could really be an idiot sometimes.
"That apple tree probably grew from the pips of the apple that poisoned her," he said. Tony cried out in disgust and wiped his hands on his pants.
"Is nothing safe around this crazy place?" He crossed over to the dog and picked up the rope.
"Come along," Wolf said. "We have much to do if we're going to keep up with the mirror." He had not forgotten.
"Alright. You got the mirror, I got the dog," Tony said. Wolf frowned. He didn't have the mirror. Perhaps what he meant was that Wolf would seek out the mirror while Tony would find a way to bring Prince back to life.
They had only been walking for a short time when Wolf smelled something new. He almost didn't catch it because it smelled so much like the forest itself, but there was certainly a human smell behind it.
"Oh, oh, oh!" he exclaimed to the others, holding out his hands. "I've got a scent!" He sniffed deeply. "I'm sure it's the Huntsman. He's near. We must move faster," he urged. How had he found them so quickly? Virginia groaned, shaking her armful of hair.
"Hello?! I can't go any faster."
"Virginia, this man is going to catch us within an hour, at least," he argued.
"Alright, alright," chimed in Tony. "What are we going to do?"
"I'll hide you," Wolf told them. "This Huntsman is very good, but he follows tracks. He cannot smell things like an animal. I'll lead him in a big circle and come back for you tomorrow."
"What," Tony asked, his eyes widening. Wolf didn't like it any more than Tony, but it was the only think he could think of to do.
"Hurry!" Wolf demanded. "Let's start with Prince." He began to furiously dig a hole. He was sure that Tony was going to say something about how he'd wanted to leave Prince behind since he turned into gold, but for once he didn't argue. He and Virginia began to dig.
It took a little less than an hour. Thankfully, the ground here was soft and easy to move. He covered the three of them as best as he could and erased all other tracks and signs that anyone other than him had been walking there. The holes were covered with twigs and leaves. He hoped the Huntsman wouldn't walk over them. If he did, he'd fall in the hole on top of one of them and give away their position. Wolf tried not to imagine the Huntsman's boot coming in contact with Virginia's face. She'd had to lay on top of her hair, and they'd only been able to dig the hole so deep, so her hiding place was a little closer to the surface than Wolf would have liked, but there was no time to do more. He shuffled around a few leaves until he was satisfied she was completely covered.
"Alright. That's the best I can do," he whispered. He kept looking over his shoulder, expecting to see the Huntsman. His scent was getting closer by the minute. "Are you okay?" he asked her. A delicate hand popped up out of the leaves. Wolf touched her fingers and fixed the leaves as it went back into the ground. "Don't breathe, okay?" he told her. He ran over to Tony to check on him.
"Don't breath at all until I return, okay," he requested of Tony. His hand popped up out of the ground, waving him onward. Wolf had to fix those leaves, too. That was as good as it was going to get. He dug his feet into the earth, scuffling a clear path for the Huntsman to follow, and bounding off into the forest. He felt like he was leaving behind a part of himself. Virginia was in a hole, and there was a hole in his heart that only she could fill. He hoped it would be enough to trick the Huntsman.
He ran, making sure to break a few twigs and leave clear footprints. When Wolf got back an hour later, Tony wasn't in his hole. He was standing beside a large pine tree. Wolf peeked around it and tapped him on the shoulder. Tony yelped, gasping. Had he been running?
"What happened," Wolf asked.
"He's got Virginia, that's what happened," Tony said. Wolf gasped.
"No!"
"Yes." Wolf began to truly panic.
"Oh, we'll never find her. It's all my fault. It's all my fault." He began to cry as he sunk to his knees, letting out a mournful howl. Tony was yelling at him, but he didn't care. He'd lost the only person he'd ever cared for. Tony managed to get Wolf off his knees eventually.
"We have to after her," he said. So they began walking. Tony had even left behind the dog. Wolf followed the scent as best as he could, but the Huntsman was clever and knew how to cover his tracks.
"If you had been kidnaped it would've been alright, but Virginia," he whined. "Have I lost my one true love?" He was in danger of crying again.
"Oh, please," Tony said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Stop with the 'one true love,' alright? You're come grubby ex-con, and you've been nothing but trouble since we met you!" Tony was grating on Wolf's nerves. Virginia was his mate.
"Don't you talk to me like that. I'll bite you in a minute!" he growled.
"Do you want to dance with me, because I've had just about enough–" Wolf certainly didn't want to dance with Tony, but that's not what made him interrupt his tirade.
"Hold on. Listen," he said, gripping Tony's jacket for support. He was afraid he was falling apart. A strange whistling noise broke the silence, followed by a thunk. Wolf traced the source of the sound and pointed at an old man with a shiny axe. They approached the man and were stopped in their tracks.
"Halt!" said the man, brandishing the axe as a weapon. He had a pile of firewood and a slice of a tree trunk, which housed a wooden device that looked like stocks. "Who approaches?" Wolf stepped forward.
"Forgive us, noble woodsman, but have you seen a gorgeous girl with very long hair?" he asked.
"I haven't seen anything. I'm blind," said the man, bringing the axe down to chop a piece of wood. It split in two as if it were butter. The magic axe.
"A blind woodsman?" Tony asked.
"Have you ever seen a tree move?" asked the man. Tony seemed confused and didn't answer.
"Tony," Wolf whispered. "Look at his axe." Then louder he said,
"Is that axe, by any remote chance, the magic axe that cuts through anything?"
"Could be," said the man with a half smile. Wolf exchanged looks with Tony.
"How much do you want for it?" asked Tony.
"Oh, you can have my magic axe. . . if you can guess my name," said the man, holding the axe as if it were an offering. "But your friend must kneel by this block, and if you haven't found my name out by the time I've chopped all these logs into firewood, I will have his head." Wolf gulped, his hand creeping up to his neck. This didn't sound good at all. Wolf would rather keep his head.
"What is it with you people," Tony cried. "What kind of twisted upbringing did you have? You know, why can't you just say, 'Oh, that'll be a hundred gold coins?' Why does it always have to be, 'No, not unless you lay a magic egg, or count the hairs on a giant's ass?'" If it weren't for the fact that Virginia was in the clutches of a madman and a woodman wanting to chop off his head, Wolf might've laughed, but he felt too queasy to even manage a smile.
"Do you want the axe, or don't you," asked the man, holding it up. The light caught the blade and it seemed to be glowing. It was certainly making a low humming noise when it cut its mark.
"Let's just carry on looking for Virginia," said Wolf, trying to pull Tony away from the man.
"Oh!" Tony exclaimed.
"What?" asked Wolf nervously. Tony was patting his shoulders.
"I know this," he said. "It's alright! We accept!"
"Well, don't accept on my behalf," he whined. He tried to run, but Tony caught him by the arm and anchored him there.
"It's okay, it's okay," he reassured.
"Very well," said the man stoically. "Lay your head on the block while your friend guesses." Wolf wondered if he could pretend to lay his head down, but he disregarded that theory. The woodsman's hearing seemed to be far keener than his own.
"For Virginia," he said. Wolf reluctantly got down on all fours. The wooden device came down on his shoulders and clicked in place. Wolf looked up at the creepy old man.
"Just to make you secure," said the man with a smile.
"I know this. Don't worry about it at all," Tony said to him, rubbing his hands together. "Alright, Mr. I-Don't-Have-to-Look-but-I-can-Chop-Wood, your name is Rumplestiltskin."
"No." The axe came down on another piece of wood just in front of Wolf's face, and he cringed. Tony frowned.
"I said 'Rumplestiltskin,'" he repeated.
"That's not his name," Wolf growled at him.
"Guess again." Another piece of wood was added to the chopping block.
"Rumplestiltskin Junior. Rumplestiltskin the fourth!"
"No," whispered the man. The axe came down.
"Does it have a 'Rumple' in it?" asked Tony earnestly. The man didn't answer. Tony began listing off names as he paced back and forth. He knew they were wasting too much time. Virginia could be dead by now. Wolf tried not to think of that when his own death was so near.
"Tom. Dick. Van Dyke!"
"Cold," said the man. He was going through the firewood too quickly for Wolf's comfort.
"Oh, wait! Elvis?" asked Tony. His eyes narrowed. "Frankie. John. Paul. George. Ringo."
"Ringo?!" Wolf yelled. Where did he get these ridiculous names?
"Colder. Way off." Wolf whined as another block of wood was split in two.
"Well, come on. Look. . . just give me a clue," said Tony.
"Yeah, give him a clue," begged Wolf.
"What kind of fun can it be just to kill him?" asked Tony.
"Quite a lot of fun, actually. In fact you could say that is the reason for my existence," replied the man. His blank eyes stared straight ahead, unblinking as the axe came down.
"Oh!" Wolf whined. "How do we know you're not lying about your name," he accused.
"Hey! That's right. I could have said it already," Tony agreed.
"You haven't guessed my name," he said as he steadied another block of wood. "Not by a long way. My name. . . is in my hat." He pointed to an old, worn-out hat sitting off to the side. Wolf's lips formed the words "his hat" silently as he jerked his head in its direction. Tony tried to take a step toward it, but the woodsman brandished his axe again.
"I may be blind, but my hearing is excellent. Take a step closer, and I'll have your friend's head." The axe came to rest over Wolf's neck and he cringed again.
"You're a sick pervert, huh? You've done this before, haven't you?" Tony accused.
"Hundreds of times."
"And, uh, approximately what was the percentage of correct guesses," Wolf whined.
"No one has ever guessed." Another block was split. The worst part was watching the axe's power, knowing that the woodsman was taunting him, and being able to do nothing about it. Tony resigned himself to rattling off names again.
"The Mad Axeman?" Wolf growled at him. There were only two blocks left. Something flitted into Wolf's field of vision. It was one of the magic birds! It perched on the old man's hat, chirping a little song.
"Uh, wait. . ." Tony tried to buy time. "It's coming to me. It's forming in my mind." One piece down. Last one on the chopping block. "Just a second. It's coming. It's coming." The bird flitted to Tony's shoulder. Last block gone.
"Too late," said the man. "Now I will have your friend's head." He positioned the axe over Wolf's head, and was about to swing. Wolf closed his eyes and wished for a swift end.
"Wait just a minute!" Tony yelled. "Juliet!" The axe stopped just above Wolf's neck. The woodsman's head whipped around. His eyes were round an astonished, but still blank. He blinked.
"No one's ever guessed," he said disbelievingly. Tony chuckled.
"There's always a first for everything. Now release my friend." The man released the catch holding Wolf in place. He got up and stretched, rubbing his neck, which was thankfully still attached.
"The axe, if you please," said Wolf, holding out his hand. The man tightened his grip for a moment, then reluctantly handed it to Tony.
"Yes!" he said, shaking the axe in triumph. Wolf laughed with him in relief.
"We'll be on our way. Goodbye, sir," said Wolf to the man, turning on his heel and marching away.
"Who'd have thought it? Juliet the axeman," said Wolf to Tony as they walked.
"Yeah, well, is it any wonder he turned into a sick sadist?"
"You, down there," chirped a voice. Wolf gasped..
"It's another one of those birds," said Tony.
"I know where Virginia is," she chirped.
"Where," Tony demanded.
"She is in a tree that is not a tree, in a place that is not a place." Wolf frowned. He was never any good at riddles.
"Can we just stop with the rhyming crap? Take us there," said Tony. The bird flitted off the branch. They had to run to keep up with her. They lost sight of her a couple times, coming to a stop in a large clearing. The bird circled around a large tree right in the middle.
"She is inside this tree. Bye." Wolf was confused. It looked like an ordinary tree.
"How could she be inside a tree," Tony asked. Wolf didn't bother to answer. His thoughts were only of Virginia.
"Virginia!" he yelled. "Virginia, are you up there?"
"Wolf?" His heart leapt in his chest. She was still alive, thank goodness, and apparently the Huntsman wasn't home. What a stroke of luck. Her head popped out of a hole about thirty feet high. "Wolf," she called. Relief flooded his chest. I'm here now.
"It's her. It's her," Wolf said to himself.
"How do we get in," yelled Tony.
"There's a door," she called back. Wolf and Tony ran around the trunk, searching for signs of a door. They saw none.
"There's definitely no door," said Tony.
"He's concealed it with magic," Wolf growled. "It could take weeks to open!" He scratched his temple in agitation.
"Just. . . why can't you just come down and let us in from the inside," Tony called to his daughter.
"I can't," she replied. "He's chained me up. Can't you climb up the tree?" Wolf attempted it, looking the tree up and down.
"There are no footholds," he whined.
"Well, get a ladder or something," she called.
"Where am I going to get a ladder?" Tony was right on this one. "Hold on," he said, indicating the axe. "If this is a magic axe then maybe I can chop down the tree!" Wolf paid no attention to this, realizing what needed to be done.
"Virginia, how long is your hair now?" he asked. He could hear her groan from the ground.
"It's. . . longer than ever. It's. . ." she let her voice trail.
"That's a great idea," said Tony, catching up to his plan. Apparently Virginia had, too, because she began her protestations.
"No!" she yelled.
"I've always wanted to say this," said Wolf to Tony, then to Virginia he said in his most charming voice,
"Love of my life, let down your lustrous locks!" It would've been more romantic if a big ball of hair hadn't just landed in his face. He sputtered, shaking it off, and began to climb.
"Ow!" she yelled. He tried to climb quickly so he wouldn't hurt her anymore. He tried to take her mind of the pain by making jokes.
"Look out below! Close your eyes!" he called to Tony.
"Woah, what is it?" asked Tony.
"Dandruff!" Tony scowled.
"I do not have dand– Ow!"
"Oh, some people can't take a joke," he said. He kept climbing.
"What a moment of my life. My second opportunity to save you! My story with be immortalized in song, there's no question of that." At least her screams had stopped.
"I found another grey one," he called to Tony. Virginia growled.
He made it to the window and nearly lost his grip, but Virginia grabbed his arm and helped him up. He leaned into the window and announced, "Ta-da!" Virginia was squinting at him and panting, but she wasn't complaining about the rescue. He undid her shackles – they were wet with blood where she had struggled against them – and led her down a set of stairs.
"Be careful you don't trip over your hair," he told her. She rolled her eyes. Sunlight flooded the dark room and a figure stepped inside. It couldn't be Tony. . . Wolf gasped and shielded Virginia with his body. It was the Huntsman.
"Stay back," Wolf growled. "Stay back!" His eyes grew wide as he saw Wolf standing there with his prisoner. Tony was halfway inside with the axe when the Huntsman quickly shut the door, trapping him there.
"Virginia!" Tony called. Wolf did the only thing he could think of to do. He lunged. For the past three days they had been hunted by Gypsies, cursed, hunted by the Huntsman, soaking wet, and nearly got killed by a mad axeman. Wolf unleashed his animal fury on the Huntsman, but he was knocked aside. The Huntsman grabbed something from the wall and hit Wolf in the face with it. He cried out in pain, grabbing the Huntsman by the shoulders and kicking him in the gut. The Huntsman grunted as Wolf let out a snarling growl. He wanted rip out his throat for hurting Virginia. The Huntsman put his hand on Wolf's face just in time to push him back, redirecting his open maw. Wolf felt a heavy blow land on his cheek. The Huntsman had punched him. It disoriented him just enough for the Huntsman to be able to push him onto a table and roll him over on his back. He must not give up. There was a knife at his throat.
"The axe," called Tony. Virginia skirted around them to reach her father. She came back with the axe, holding it above her head behind the Huntsman. Wolf was struggling, pushing back the Huntsman's knife with all the strength he had.
"Stick it in his back! Anything," he yelled to Virginia. She seemed reluctant, even though Wolf's life hung in the balance. "Do it!" he demanded. She closed her eyes and squealed as she swung the axe. She missed the Huntsman and instead in the table, causing it to collapse. Wolf rolled off unharmed, but the Huntsman let out a cry of pain. His leg had been caught in one of his own traps.
"Sorry," said Virginia sheepishly. Wolf wasn't. He grabbed a nearby log and hit the Huntsman on the head as hard as he could, knocking him out. Wolf stood over him for a moment in triumph.
"Would somebody move this door? My arm is squashed!" Tony cried. Wolf opened the door. Tony stepped inside.
"Virginia, are you alright," he asked.
"Yes," she replied.
"What is this place," Tony asked.
"It's a bad place. Let's go," Wolf wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.
"Wait. We can't just leave him like this," said Virginia. Wolf looked around.
"You're right. Give me the axe. I'll do it." He raised it over his head to deliver the final blow, but Virginia stopped him.
"Wait! We can't kill him!"
"Of course we can! He'd kill us," he argued.
"That's not the point. He's helpless."
"Exactly why we should kill him now!" He raised the axe again. Virginia physically forced his arms to his sides.
"Wolf, no!" He growled.
"He's going to come after us!" he yelled.
"I don't care. I'm not going to let you kill him!"
"You're going to regret this moment," he told her with a huff. "Come on." Only Virginia would be able to talk him out of a kill, especially now that his wolf was raging. Maybe he was changing, after all.
Wolf led them back to Prince's hiding place at the insistence of Tony. There was no time to stop and cut Virginia's hair until they were safely away from the Huntsman, and Virginia had trusted him to do it.
"How should I do this," he asked her, holding the axe tentatively.
"Short. Definitely short," she said. Wolf liked Virginia's long hair.
"Are you sure," he asked.
"Just cut it," she snapped. He told her to lean back as he stretched out her hair on a chopping block. One swing and a humming sound, followed by a swish of falling hair later, Virginia's hair was short and choppy. She observed her reflection in a puddle, her mouth falling open.
"What did you do?" she yelled. Wolf whined.
"You said to go short."
"Not that short! Fix it!" How?
"I can't make your hair grow, Virginia," he said.
"Don't patronize me. Just keep cutting, and make it even." So he did. By the time he was done, Virginia's hair was up past her ears. Wolf actually thought it suited her pixie-like face, if she could make it lay flat.
"You're done, I think," he said. Virginia shot him a poisonous look as he gathered up her jacket.
"Welcome back, Princey boy," Wolf heard Tony say as the walked back to the hiding place. "Time for walkies!" Tony noticed him holding the axe. "Oh, hey, how did the haircut go?"
"I think I may have overdone the axe trim a little," Wolf said nervously.
Just then Virginia marched into view. Tony's mouth flew open, speechless.
"What–?"
"Don't say a word," said Virginia to her father. Her hair was sticking up in all different directions. She walked over to Wolf and snatched her jacket out of his arms. He whined. Tony shot him an angry look and yanked the dog forward. There was nothing more he could do. No matter what he did, it seemed, Virginia always found some way to be angry at him. . . or maybe he was just doing everything all wrong. He had one more self-help book to consult, but he was saving it for leisure time. Right now they had to get out of the Disenchanted Forest. He'd had enough of it.