At Loss For Words, a grey's anatomy fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I haven't seen a story that showed this and it was swirling around my head so here it is. Read and review please!

The one year that had passed felt like a life time for some and for others, it doesn't feel that long at all. For the six that were on the plane and the four that were still alive, it felt like just yesterday that they were waking up in the hospital surrounded by people that they loved. For the four, it was still hard for them to process the fact that the plane crash did happen and it did take some lives, some very important lives. Over the year, they all dealt with the loss in their own way whilst others, others didn't even deal. Arizona locked herself away from the world for months, Cristina became a mute and violent for the first part of her recovery, Derek focused on getting his hand back to the way it was before the crash and Meredith? She became Medusa, someone of whom the doctors at the hospital feared because she was that harsh. Now that a year has passed, everyone is wondering just how they are going and even more so with the memorial.

"A year ago today, a plane that was carrying six of our most prestigious doctors crashed, causing two of our doctors to pass away due to their injuries and for the others to come back to us, though harmed, they still returned. I do believe I speak for everyone when I say I am grateful that they returned" Owen spoke as he stood at the front of the auditorium. The four doctors in question were seated at the front of the room with their partners next to them, all needing the strength that they were offering. Derek reached out to take Meredith's hand, who reached out to take Cristina's and who then surprisingly reached out to take Arizona's hand, each one of them offering their non-spoken support to the other, each knowing what the other one was going through. With the suffering that they went through together, it formed and unlikely bond between all four of them, each knowing the other would always be there, no matter what.

"Now, if anyone needs time to..Recuperate after this talk, then that's okay. You're welcome to it. The Chapel is open if anyone wants to light a candle and my doors open if anyone needs to talk. Enjoy the rest of your day" Owen spoke as he watched his doctors and nurses walk out of the auditorium, leaving himself, the four and Callie in the auditorium. Once everyone had finished leaving the auditorium, Arizona let go of Cristina and Callie's hand and stood up as she cleared her throat. "Beautiful speech Owen, I need to get back to my patients" she murmured lightly as she exited the auditorium. She felt the stares on her back but she ignored them and kept walking.

Personality wise, Arizona hasn't changed. She's still as private and reserved as she used to be but she's not as happy. But losing your leg and not being able to do certain things does put a damper on the mood. Arizona placed her hands in her pockets and sighed as she walked the floors, trying to escape everyone. She didn't want to talk to anyone but there were a few things she needed to do. She changed direction and made her way to the Chapel. Looking inside, she made sure no one was in there. She moved in and took a seat a few rows from the front. She looked around the room to make sure no one was there before she began to talk.

"Tim..Tim, Tim, Tim..I know I don't usually talk to you like this but..I just needed to talk to you..It's uhm, it has been a year since the plane crash and it was one of the worst times of my life. I lost my leg and I blamed Callie for it..I shouldn't have because as a doctor, I know she did it to save my life. We lost a few friends too, Mark and Lexie. They were more than just friends though, they were family. Especially Mark, he was Sofia's daddy. You know, every day without fail she says his name..She knows he's missing and she can't do anything about it" Arizona murmured lightly as she ran her fingers through her blonde hair. In truth, whenever she heard Sofia talk about or want her dad, it always gave Arizona chills because she knew how much they loved each other, and it hurt her to see her daughter want someone who wasn't there.

Arizona reached up and wiped away the tears that were free falling down her cheeks. She knew what it was like to miss someone and want someone that you couldn't; she missed her brother and wanted him from the moment he left. But you can't always have or get what you wanted, that was the hard part.

"You would have really loved Mark, you and he would have been inseparable with your dirty jokes. I hope you're having fun up there together, you better not be telling him stories about me that you shouldn't have because I will kick your ass if it's the last thing I do" she said softly as she looked up as if she were speaking directly to her brother. She sat there, thinking things over before standing up to make her way to the front of the chapel where she lit four candles, one for Timothy, one for Mark, one for Lexie and one for the baby that she and Calliope lost.

"Thank you for being my guardian angel. Please take care of my family members up there"

Life always seemed to throw curve balls at them and Cristina, she for one didn't know why. The group of friends that she started to think of family always seemed to get knocked down before getting up again. First Meredith with all her problems, Izzie with her cancer, Alex and his problems, George with getting hit by a bus and dying, Izzie leaving…There just always seemed to be a problem with their group, could they ever get a break?

Sighing, she shook her head as she made her way to the chapel. She stood at the entrance and held her fingers, what was she supposed to say or do? She wasn't full on religious but did know something's about praying..That's what she was going to do right? Shaking her head, she made inside the room and sat down in a few rows from the front and looked around, well, this was awkward. She was the only one in there and it just didn't feel right.

"Sooo.. I don't know what to say..Uhm. Hi. I just wanted to say that I'm not particularly happy with whoever's up there right now. We went through a lot as interns and as residents, but you never seemed to stop giving us crap. I am grateful for being alive, as well as being grateful that Meredith, Derek and Arizona are as well but damn, seriously, you couldn't have let Mark and Lexie live? I know everyone in this family needs them. But mark my words, I swear if you take someone else from me again…I will screech" she said as she nodded her head. That should get through to him. She stood up and looked at the front at the candles lit, she really should do that. She made her way to the front and lit two candles for Mark and Lexie.

"They better be taken care of up there, being freakin royalty"

No matter where he went or what he did, his had always seemed to hurt or twinge with pain when he thought of Mark and Lexie. Mark was like the brother he never had and his Mom, well it was safe to say that she had been crying for a couple weeks on end when she heard about the crash, she even cried some more when she found out about Mark dying. He knew it was hard for her, but there wasn't much he could do about it because he was going through the same things.

He was seated in the chapel, leaning forward with his arms resting on his legs. Looking down as his hand, he took note of the scars and traced them with the tip of his finger. It was weird to see his hand so…maimed. He knew he got off lightly compared to Arizona, but he realized that if Callie couldn't have fixed his hand, than that would have ruined him, and his life. Surgery was everything to him, being able to save someone's life meant so much more than just saving it, it was about giving them back what they loved. That's why it was so hard for him to lose Mark, he wasn't able to save his brother when he should have been given the chance.

Shaking his head, he growled. He should have lived, both him and Lexie. They were family, the most important thing. He was about to say something when someone called his name.

"Dr Shepherd, something has happened with your wife. She's raging in the cafeteria"

It had been a long year for Meredith, although she and Cristina were one of the ones who escaped the crash with minor injuries, she still felt for everyone else. She handled Derek at his good and his bad, and she knew he was killing himself on the inside. As she sat at a table by herself she heard the whispers surrounding her and every second someone said something, she felt her jaw clenching tighter and tighter, she knew she wasn't going to be hold it in for very much longer.

"I don't know why she hasn't gotten over it. Just grieve and move on. It's fine. You get fine. It's not like it was important, and she wasn't even hurt in the crash" a voice at a nearby table spoke. That was the last straw for Meredith before she stood up and turned around, making the interns nearly pee their pants.

"What. Did you just say?". Growled Meredith as she stared at the intern who had spoken. The intern opened and shut her mouth like a gold fish, unsure as to what to say. Meredith stormed over to them and slammed her hand down on the table top.

"It's not like it was important? Really? When your sister dies in a plane crash then what will you think? Or when one of your best friends die in a place crash, then what? What do you do then?!". She yelled as she started to attract attention. The intern was about to speak when Derek ran into the cafeteria and caught his wife just as she was about to launch herself at the intern. He took her out of the cafeteria and into a nearby conference room away from prying eyes.

"How long have they been in there for?".Alex asked as he waited outside the conference room with Cristina, Owen, Arizona and Callie. Arizona bit her lip as Calliope wrapped her arm around her wife and pulled her in closer.

"Until Derek can calm her down and get her to stop freaking out" Cristina replied as she looked back to Alex before focusing back on her person, wanting to go in there but not sure what to say, she had never lost anyone that close before.

"What set her off?". Alex asked again.

"Some intern was saying it was nothing and that she should stop grieving and get over it" Callie replied as she looked at Alex before looking down at Arizona. The two met each other's looks, silently communicating to one another. Arizona needed to go in there, she was one of the few people who would understand where the blonde was coming from. Callie squeezed her wives shoulder in support.

"I will be back" Arizona said as she moved to open the door to the room and shut it behind her before anyone could protest.

"Arizona.."Derek started off before Arizona waved her hand at him. Arizona moved to the table and sat on the other side of Meredith and looked down, Meredith wasn't going to meet her eyes and she knew that, but she had to try.

"Are you suddenly remembering all the good and bad memories you once had with her? Remembering like they just happened yesterday? Or do you just can't stop laughing about all the jokes you shared? Or crying for when you two cried together? Or eating the food you two used to eat together? Are you remembering all these things?" Arizona spoke softly, knowing that if Meredith was listening, she would hear and look up. Meredith started to look up slowly as she turned to the side to look at Meredith.

"How..How do you know that?". Meredith asked softly as she stared into comforting blue eyes. Arizona reached out to take the unoccupied hand of Meredith's as she rubbed her thumb over the top.

"Quite a while ago, I was coming home from college when some men came to our door to tell my family and I that my brother, my best friend in the whole world, had died in the war saving a little child's life. He was in the war fighting for those that couldn't and saving those that needed saving. He died a hero, something Sofia and other people will never know" Arizona softly replied. Meredith gasped, why had she never known that before?

"Will it ever get easier? Will I ever stop grieving?". Meredith asked softly as she let go of Derek's hand to reach up and wipe away a lone tear from her cheek. Arizona squeezed Meredith's hand.

"It will never get easier and you will never stop grieving. To this day I still grieve for my brother. The only thing that gets easier in time is being able to talk about them. For the first couple of months or years, you can't talk about them without the need to cry every two seconds. It took me three years to be able to talk about Timothy without crying, but for my parents..For them, they can't talk about him because it hurts too much. It still hurts, I still wake up crying and in sweats because I have nightmares and he's not there, but Calliope is there to help me soothe and ease my pain. It makes it easier knowing there are people there to support you..Just the same as there are people here to support you" Arizona said softly. Meredith looked up at Arizona before going to Derek, Cristina, Alex, Callie and back to Owen. She was right, the people out there were her family, they had helped her through other things and she knew they could help her through this. Meredith turned her eyes back to Arizona and looked at her and smiled lightly. Arizona smiled in reply and squeezed her hand back.

"You need to believe that you can get through this, because we all sure as hell believe you have enough strength to get through this, even with our help we know you can do it"