Lately, Finland hasn't been feeling like himself.
Well, actually it's not just "lately". He's pretty sure it's been going on for pretty long time now. He's not quite sure when it started. It may have been somewhere in the 1800s already...or it may have started with the great general strike in 1905...things were pretty wild among his children back then. Finland doesn't really know, but he doesn't really care either, because no matter when it started, he has become a mess.
His head aches. His heart aches too, and sometimes he cries without really knowing why. And at times, he has memory lapses. He forgets things, and finds himself somewhere without knowing how he got there.
He hears voices, sometimes. His people thrive for better lives, better rights and wages. They all get to vote now, even the women, and they have independence now; what more do they want?
He feels something awful is going to happen soon, and it frustrates him because he feels there is nothing he can do to stop it.
His house feels cold.
Tino is excited. He's thrilled for his people, and for himself. This idea has been in his mind – in his people's mind – for some time now, but only now it is really time to act. 1905 might have ended badly, but this time it's going to be different. He can feel it.
Together, they'll create a new life for his people, and for himself. A life in a country with no social classes, where everyone is equal, everyone eats and owns equally. The idea is astonishing, and he can hardly wait.
The commander gives the sign, and Tino charges to the government buildings with the others, rifle in hand.
Finland began trembling when his boss delivered him the message. So it has come to this, huh? And he so wished it could've been avoided.
Finland feels scared. He's going to have to kill his own people now. But they are traitors, guilty of treason. He can't feel remorse for them, for they are criminals.
He does the last buttons of his uniform jacket and grabs his rifle, which he got from Germany at the end of his Jäger training as a present.
So far everything is going well. The upper class, the "Whites" as they are known as, are trying to stop them, but Tino knows in the end it'll be useless. He knows he and his troops are reaching for the good, right things. They are the good guys, and good guys always win at the end.
A small voice in his head tells him it's not always so, and vaguely he remembers a large hand around his wrist, dragging him away in the cold as he cried out someone's name he can't remember. But he ignores the voice and the vision, figuring he's just hallucinating.
"I am terribly sorry, little Finland, but I'm afraid I can't provide you with much more help than this." Russia speaks. Tino is meeting him today, asking for help in war. He doesn't doubt their victory, but...he is poor. He has no real military, no real troops. He hopes Russia's generals could lend them guidance and a few strategy tips. "I'm really busy with the things in my own country right now. There is too much to be done. I can't get involved in your affairs right now, as much as I would like to, and even though we're both children of the colour Red."
"I see..." Tino mumbles, trying to hide his disappointment.
Russia places a large hand on his shoulder. "Just hang in there for a while, alright? I'll try to come and help as soon as I can. Just remember what you're fighting for. It'll give you strength."
Tino nods, but still feels unsure, and a little betrayed. He and Russia are the same, aren't they supposed to help each other? He does understand Russia is busy, but he wishes he would've given him some help at least.
As if reading his thoughts, Russia adds: "I'll try and send a few generals and weapons for your troops. Use them, and take care of yourself."
Tino smiles now, and nods.
Finland's head hurts more. He has more gaps in his memory too, and his legs and feet are bloody and slashed from all the fighting.
He is a mess, and just wants out. Even death would be better than this.
"Finland, this is Lieutenant General Mannerheim. He'll be leading your troops as your commander in battle from now on." His boss' voice draws Finland away from his pain-filled thoughts.
Finland looks, and his eyes lock with the man standing next to his boss, opposite to him, and vaguely remembers hearing the name before – this man has been in charge of The Protection Guard, has he not? He has dark eyes, and wears his uniform beautifully. Even with the moustache, he looks like a refined soldier, and his eyes are warm as he looks at Finland. They are filled with that special, patriotic love only a human can give his nation.
Finland suddenly gets an overpowering urge to run and embrace the man, because looking at him, he feels a strange sense of security for the first time in what feels like ages. But he remembers that this is his Commander now, and he must keep his dignity as a soldier in check. So he just settles for shaking the man's hands, and giving him a small smile.
The man smiles back, and it's warm, just like his eyes and his hands in Finland's own.
Tino has been captured, among with some of his fellow troops, the leaders. Their capturers lead them deep to the forest, and Tino knows they aren't just going to leave them there. He and his comrades all carry shovels.
They are going to dig their own graves with them.
They reach the place where they are going to be shot. They are pointed with guns, and told – threatened - to dig. Dig they do, some slowly, some quickly. Others want to live as long as they can, perhaps trying to think of a way to escape. Others simply want this to be over as soon as possible, and wish to die with as much dignity left as possible. Tino isn't sure which he is, for he doesn't really dig fast or quick, but somewhere in the middle. He trusts his other comrades, and that they will come and rescue them.
They finish digging, and are made to stand in line, on the edge of the pit, to be shot. There is no warning for them. Just the shots. Tino falls with his comrades to the pit, but doesn't die, even though he has bullets all over his chest. He feels pain, waits and sleeps as the Whites began to cover them in dirt.
Finland is in duty of shooting the captured today. He and the others lead them deep to the forest. The Red troops are all carrying a shovel. They will dig their own graves with them.
They reach the decided spot, and Finland urges the Reds to dig with his rifle. Somewhere in his heart, it hurts and a voice screams for him to stop this. He doesn't really want to kill them, they are his children too, just like those who fight on his side...!
Finland shuts the voice up quickly. Before he migth've been worried how calm he is about all this, but now he doesn't care. He knows the red troops are horrible people, who kill and rape and destroy. He knows they must die. They are not his people anymore, for they betrayed and attacked him.
The Reds finish digging, and are ordered to line up on the edge of the hole they dug. Finland and his companions ready their rifles.
They don't give the Reds a warning. They don't deserve one. Finland shoots them without hesitation, putting bullets in their chests, and they fall to their common grave.
The bullet wounds across his own chest ache, and he can't remember where he got them from.
Tino hurts. He's frightened. He wants this to stop.
He's not sure about anything anymore. He and his comrades are losing. They are nothing but underdogs compared to the White troops. His own troops have no experience in fighting.
Tino wishes he had someone who would come and comfort him now. Someone to tell him what to do in battle and that it'll all be okay if he does that, but he doesn't have anyone, because everyone is just as scared and inexperienced in war as he is. Maybe even more, because he sometimes has fragments of memories about him training with someone tall and blonde. He wonders who that person could be, but can't recall anyone. He thinks of Sweden, but it's been years since they trained together, and this vision seems more recent. He then thinks of Russia, but the shade of the blonde's hair in the vision is different than his, and Tino can't recall ever really training with Russia.
They get information about more losses and slaughtering, and Tino holds his head desperately and cries. He knows end is near, and that it won't be pleasant.
"I'll help you out all I can, is that alright? And afterwards, we'll trade together." Germany says to Finland. He has come because Finland's boss asked him to. He's here to help, even though he's busy with the Great War, too. Finland is grateful for that, but can't bring himself to be as joyous as he probably should be.
He feels his dear Commander's eyes hot on the back of his head from a few meters away, and it's an unpleasant sensation. Finland doesn't want Gustaf – as his Commander has insisted he should call him – to be angry with him.
Then he realises he hasn't replied to Germany yet, and nods. Germany gives him a slight smile and places a hand on his shoulder, and says something more Finland can't hear. His hand reminds Finland of Sweden's hand, and that hurts, because Sweden has left him alone. He knows he should make it alone now, since he's supposed to be independent, and sure as hell isn't going to give that up, but he still can't help but feel somewhat betrayed.
Germany leaves to take his troops to Finland's troops and train them the best he can, and Finland watches him walk by.
The war is over.
Finland rides his horse by Gustaf's side, and Germany on his other side, as the people cheer from the sides. He and Germany are friends these days, and Finland feels comforted by his presence. But in his heart he's still unsure. He still sometimes hears voices, the scars he doesn't know he had ache at times and sometimes he still has memory lapses. He still doesn't quite know who he is anymore, if he is Finland or Tino.
It's all not over. But from now on, Finland is going to do his everything so it can soon be all over. He will do everything he can not to hear those voices again.
Notes:
The Finnish Civil War took place from 27 January to 15 May 1918 between the forces of the Social Democrats led by the People's Deputation of Finland, commonly called the "Reds", and the forces of the non-socialist, conservative-led Senate, commonly called the "Whites".
The Reds were supported by the Russian Soviet Republic, but due to their revolution in their own country not yet being finished, they couldn't provide the Finnish Reds with much assistance. Nearing the end of the war, the Whites received military assistance from the German Empire, but the Germans were mostly doing it for their own sake – they were promised a lot of control over Finland's foreign trade and economy. For this reason, the Commander-in-Chief of the Whites, Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim, didn't exactly like or trust the Germans very much. He also would've very much liked to have the honours of stopping the civil war to himself.
The civil war led to the deaths of some 37,000 people, about 75% of them Finnish Reds. A lot of them lost their lives at prison camps and due to the acts of terror done during the war. In all simplicity, the war was short, but bloody. It led to the Finnish people being separated for decades, until they slowly found their common ground again due to the unification politics practised in the country, and later the Winter War. Still, the civil war was such a terrible thing that it has been quite the sore subject. It is only during the last few decades that people have dared to talk about it a bit more openly.
Also: Happy Independence Day, my fellow Finns! And sorry if this wasn't a very appropriate story for the Independence Day, since Independence Days generally should be about fun things like getting a day off from school and work, gingerbread cookies and getting ready for Christmas.