Title: Immersed in Red
Author: OpheliacAngel
Pairings: Bela/Abaddon
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rating: Teen
Summary: Bela knows she's not human anymore, but her memories still lie at the surface to haunt her.
A/N: Written for Women4SPN. Supposed to be writing my SPN femslash mini-bang thing, but I wrote this instead. I am really starting to love these two.
Bela turned over in the bed rather than reach out blindly to show her vulnerability. Abaddon was lying beside her, stark red hair spread out across her pillow like a blood-red halo. Bela didn't know why she always doubted it, doubted Abaddon being there, but every time she woke up she had this feeling in the pit of her stomach that wouldn't go away, a feeling of abandonment and loneliness.
She stared up at the ceiling rather than gaze at her, which was what she really wanted to do but could not chance. The second Abaddon realized that Bela would be lost without her would be the bitter end, Bela was more sure of that than of anything else. The red-haired demon wasn't someone for her to keep, and she had no right to express her desire for her to stick around. When she grew bored she would move on; it was a fact of life and Bela was determined to accept it.
Although she knew she never would.
"You can stare if you want." The voice startled her, and so did the sardonic grin when she looked over at the bed's other occupant. Bela couldn't help but realize that if the bed was any smaller she would have been kicked out, but as the days went by she wasn't truly sure of anything anymore. Abaddon seemed to change more and more with every waking moment, and Bela was swept away in her wake. "I don't mind those pretty green eyes on me, honey."
Bela didn't know how to reply, didn't know how Abaddon wanted her to reply, so she wrapped the sheet around her naked body and pulled herself out of bed. Abaddon could grow frustrated, could throw something at her but she never did. She was infinitely patient with the demon who still seemed too human for her own liking.
She had been pulled out of hell too soon, not fast enough to not regress into becoming a demon, but indeed quick enough for Bela to remember too much of her days of being human. She missed it sometimes, missed the pain and grief and sense of purpose. What she loved about being a demon was the power she felt, but never the regret. She would trade the regret for anything.
Abaddon showed in her own way everyday that the regret would fade in time, and even on Earth she would eventually forget about her human days. Bela believed her, but not so completely as to rush the process. She would enjoy this while she could, even if Abaddon killed her for it in impatience and disappointment.
She didn't exactly seem disappointed though, she seemed excited, thrilled that she could show Bela the ropes, in a manner of speaking.
Abaddon had done too much for her, things Bela never would have expected or asked for. She had acquired her original form and placed her back into it, so she didn't have to adjust to a new one. She had healed her body for the most part first, how Bela didn't know but didn't care either.
If she was to be Abaddon's pet then so be it.
Her fingers slipped under the sheet and brushed against Bela's thigh as she walked by. Bela froze and smiled slightly at the gesture of affection, at the fact that Abaddon wanted her even though she was still in pieces physically and emotionally. She was still healing, but while Abaddon pushed her boundaries she somehow didn't mind. She should be and could be nowhere else in her condition.
She leaned down to kiss her, letting the sheet slip away in a moment of confidence, but the much older demon grabbed her arm and held her in place.
"Not if you don't mean it. I'm patient, sweetheart," Abaddon reinforced her argument and Bela sighed softly and nodded. She loved that red-headed demon, in her own twisted way, but she supposed she would just have to become comfortable with herself again in order to be able to express it. "Don't take all the hot water, darling." Abaddon's words followed her into the bathroom as she closed the door and stepped into the shower.
When she stepped out again she spent a long time looking at herself in the mirror, at the slightly distorted features of her face, the stitched up flesh of her neck and arms that taunted her, of the tears that spilled down her cheeks without reason. She was still beautiful, in a sense, but she would forever be scarred by her choices. She had even been given the choice to come back here, knowing full well she would never look or feel the same.
It didn't matter, she told herself, and she wiped the tears away.
Abaddon's hands slid around her waist somehow then - Bela didn't remember her coming into her personal bubble - and her long, fiery red hair brushed against Bela's over-sensitized cheeks. Her fingers teased her unrelentingly, but as they brushed against her skin they were gentle and careful. Those hands loved her as her eyes met hers in the mirror, warm and capable eyes that held her, convincing her of her place.
She was a demon now, and with Abaddon she would embrace it.
FIN