Dynasty Warriors: Choice
Disclaimer: I do not own Dynasty Warriors. Koei does.
Summary: Once upon a time, an almighty author who full well knew how SSX's romances were portrayed thought of another warped and deranged way to mock it…What if the princess, for all her other-kingdomly romances, had to choose ONE? And what if her boyfriends found out she had more than one 'true love that saved her from a bogus marriage'?
Author's note: Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, this is an SSX situation (as seen in most fics) flame. It's also INCREDIBLY random. If you don't like it, I suggest you should look elsewhere for entertainment. You've been warned! Be fair!
The grove of Mount Emei was abnormally full. This time, Zuo Ci, the keeper of order in the world, had one particularly big fish to fry: SSX's romances.
It seemed with the arrival of Ling Tong, Cao Pi and Pang De things just got overboard with the whole 'romances' thing. So, he detached the involved individuals, new and old, from time, and dragged them here!
Of course, they didn't ALL make it at the same place. Some of them had to trek while Shang Xiang waited nervously at the grove for her lovers. However, in the end, they arrived. Every pirate, every punk, every warrior.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" they all shouted. Gan Ning rushed to speak first, clearing his throat as the bells jingled.
"I'm here to seek out my one true love!"
Zhou Yu, second in place, shoved him aside.
"No, I am!" he shouted while Da Qiao cradled the bloody corpse of her sister elsewhere. (A.N.: Hmm, I wonder why.)
Lu Xun sent a fireball that burned Zhou Yu off.
"Please, stop! She is the love of my life!"
Zhao Yun, in a move highly OOC (out of character), heartlessly impaled the little boy and threw him away like a ragdoll.
"The Little Dragon is the one who holds sway over her heart!"
Cao Pi simply flicked his locks in sheer arrogance. Meanwhile, Gan Ning was held off by a certain Ling Tong.
"She gave me another reason to hate you! I HATE you! Get away from her! She's MY girl!" the Bruce Lee wannabe almost shrieked. Gan Ning growled ferociously.
"I don't know why they bother," a thoughtful Pang De mused.
"Yeap…"a taciturn Zhou Tai commented.
"I mean, it's OBVIOUS who she loves, right?"
"Oh yeah…"
"I mean c'mon, why can't they just see that Sun Shang Xiang loves ME?" they both said simultaneously. Suddenly, they realised what happened and faced off, growling like gorillas at mating season.
The whole hormonal place was starting to get out of control when suddenly, Zuo Ci arrived. Even WITH the tremendous BAMF, they still didn't pay attention to him. He sighs.
"I hate you even more, Pang De! First Wei, and now the love of…!"
"AHEM!"
Ma Chao was the first to look, only to be cut down by Pang De.
Thank the gods the body count is only…
Gan Ning had his neck snapped by Ling Tong.
"SHABAM, BIZATCH!"
…OK, THREE. The body count is just THREE this time.
Not disturbed, Zuo Ci cast a spell and they were ALL alive. Oh. And in individual cages. Shang Xiang was given the signal, following which she walked out of the cave.
"MY LOVE!" they all sang out.
"Settle down, gentlemen!" he shouted.
"I have called you all here today to say this: There can be only ONE."
"HUH?"
"You heard me, you gimps!" the sage shouted, no steadily irritated.
"For TOO long have you disrupted the order of China over this one woman! Therefore, I have decided…She shall choose! THEN I shall kill everybody else, and China shall be at rest ONCE and for ALL!" he ranted in hysterics.
A brief bout of silence followed. Then it broke.
"PICK ME!" one shouted.
"REMEMBER OUR GOOD TIMES!" another implored.
"I'M GREAT IN BED!" a few even screamed. Finally, Shang Xiang stood up.
"Zuo Ci, I know the importance of order…But it is the love I get that can overcome it all! I can't possibly choose between ALL of them!"
"AWWWWWW!" the men said at the corny line.
Zuo Ci snaps.
"THAT'S IT! NO MORE MISTER NICE SAGE! I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I SHOULDA DONE TO LIU AT YI LING!"
"Say what to who now?" the princess asked.
Suddenly, they all spontaneously burst into flames and ran around burning to ashes as Zuo Ci pointed and laughed maniacally.
Not long after, Cao Cao, Sun Jian and Liu Bei also burst into flames. Then all the minor leaders. With that, Zuo Ci made himself a perfect kingdom in China. Well, almost perfect. He had gone insane, so he ruled with an iron fist.
-Cheng Du, the next day…-
Liu Bei yawned and found his wife about to leave the house.
"Another date with my bodyguards, dear?" he asked in a surprisingly normal tone as he took some herbal tea from a drawer.
"Well…Yeah. And boy, you seem calm today…" the two-timer notes.
The kindly emperor smiles.
"Last night, I had the greatest dream….You were in it too! And Zhao Yun, and Zhou Yu, and Ma Chao, and Gan Ning, and…"
The End!
A.N: Completely random? You betcha!