Going through a breach still felt strange to Iris. It was a weightless feeling. She wasn't anywhere, nowhere on Earth at least, but despite that, the terror pounding through her body was wholly real. She and Savitar burst out of the breach into Central City on Earth-1. It was a head rush, running through the city at a speed that was faster than even Barry could run.
Soon they were in a basement-like area, and Iris was left to stumble to the ground, her head spinning. Her stomach roiled, and she wasn't sure whether it was the physical effects of running at superspeed or from fear.
"Ooh. I didn't know we were getting each other presents so soon." Iris heard Killer Frost say.
"I told you there was no reason to doubt me, yet you persist," Savitar responded in his robotic, gravelly voice.
"She's not dead yet." She reminded him in her cold, icy tone.
"No. Then again, you're still here. I'm sure Cisco is still sitting pretty at Star Labs." Iris heard Killer Frost pause before speaking again.
"I was waiting for you to return. Seeing as how you're so fond of only sparingly telling me the plan, I had to wait around here suffering in boredom."
"Poor you." He replied unsympathetically.
"Why is she here? Shouldn't she be bleeding out on a staircase somewhere?"
"Not yet. I'm savoring the moment."
"Mmm. The moment. And you're still sure you can do this?" Iris heard a sound like a body hitting stone. She thought he might've lashed out at the woman but she didn't turn, focused on controlling her breathing and racing heart and conflicting thoughts.
"I entertain your company out of pity for your plight, but if you question me again, I will make your grave next to Caitlin Snow's. Do you understand?"
"Yes." Killer Frost said breathlessly before releasing a gust of air behind her.
"Good." The room was silent for a moment before Iris heard footsteps approach her.
"You're more trouble than you're worth, you know that?" Frost said, towering over her.
"Hey, are you deaf now?" She pressed, poking Iris' shoulder. Iris flinched violently, abruptly standing up. She felt anger quickly replacing her fear. She preferred that.
"Don't touch me." She hissed at the other woman whose ice blue eyes sparkled with amusement.
"Ooh, this flower's grown thorns now, has she?" Iris didn't dignify her with an answer. She glanced over to Savitar who stood silently watching them, the glow of his suit illuminating the pipes next to him. It was weird, seeing him and knowing that inside of that suit was someone who used to be Barry.
"So, what? This is just it?" Iris asked.
"'Fraid so, sweetheart," Frost answered with a teasing edge to her voice, raising Iris' hackles.
"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to him. And I want to talk to him alone." Frost's laugh echoed through the room, her icy breath brushing against Iris' skin, probably purposely.
"Leave," Savitar said, finality clear in his voice.
"Go take your position and prepare for Cisco." Iris watched the other woman shake her head before strutting from the room with a final parting comment.
"Don't let her turn you soft." The door closed somewhere behind her leaving the two of them standing there… well almost.
"I said I want to talk to you," Iris said. Savitar raised his arms lightly.
"Well, here I am."
"No. You, the real you. You're hiding in that suit. I want to see you when I talk to you. I want to see your face." Savitar didn't move. Iris hated not being able to see his expression in his metal casing.
"What's the problem? We're here, right where you wanted. Are you really gonna be a coward now?" To her surprise, he chuckled at her. She watched as the suit began shifting and powering down, opening up for Barry to climb out of it.
"You always did have a startling lack of self-preservation skills." He said, a slight smirk on his lips as he stepped away from the suit. Iris ignored his quip and pressed on.
"Step into the light." She said. He raised an eyebrow at her, for her tone or her statement she didn't know but he stepped into one of the overhead lights with an indulgent look on his face. Iris felt her breath catch slightly. She had seen him in Harry's lab but the adrenaline at the moment and the fear for the wellbeing of her dad and Wally had dampened the revelation. Seeing him now, it struck her how much he resembled Barry and not at the same time. He stood all wrong, his posture too loose and uncaring, unfeeling. His clothes weren't something Barry would wear, his hair wasn't coiffed how Barry liked his. But his eyes…
"You really are Barry." She said, her breath catching at the revelation. She knew. Logically, she knew but seeing it…
"I'm not—" He started to protest.
"No, you are. It's… it's your eyes, it's… because I…" Iris stuttered, unable to frame her thoughts. Savitar shook his head lightly.
"You're having a panic attack. It's not that surprising given where we are right now." He said flippantly.
"Why? Why are you doing this? You're Barry. I don't understand why."
"It's simple. I'm not Barry, and he needs to see you die so I can live."
"You're a time remnant like Jay was of Zoom."
"Something like that."
"They both retained each other's memories, so I know you remember everything we've gone through together. We have fought for so long against circumstances and ourselves to be together because we belong together, but somehow, in your mind, you've decided it's okay to just throw it all away. Act like it never happened."
"You know what, Iris? I do remember what happened. I remember Barry creating me to fight for him, and I did, we all did. We trusted him and then when all of them but me were killed and I was disfigured and writhing in pain in a hospital bed, I thought I'd have him. I'd have them: my friends, my family. But I wasn't the real Barry. I laid there waiting for someone to come, and no one did. Barry, Cisco, Joe, Wally even Oliver, all of them turned their backs on me."
"No, they wouldn't. You're-"
"Barry? They made it very clear that they didn't see it that way. They were so torn up by your death that they threw me away like yesterday's garbage. You see? We have quite an interesting relationship, you and I. If you don't exist, I don't exist. So, in a way, I guess you're right. We were made for each other."
"Not like this. I don't accept this."
"Do whatever you want. Rage against that dying light, Iris West. Doesn't change how this ends. My ascension will happen. I will become a god and I will transcend all of this. No pain, no grief, no limits, just power." Iris shook her head, angry retorts she wished to spew at him heavy on her tongue, but they caught in her throat as she listened past his madness to the words he said and the emotions laden in them. It was easier hearing it in Barry's voice rather than the suit and if there was one thing she knew, it was Barry Allen. She needed to listen to his voice, see his face to understand.
"No pain, no grief. You have all of Barry's memories, everything up to your creation. You remember Nora and Henry, Ronnie and Eddie, and you remember me. You remember me dying. You were grieving it too and you were hurt… and they left you. They left you alone to suffer." Savitar stared at her for a moment before looking away. Iris shook her head.
"Why didn't you just say that? You don't think I would've done something, anything to make this right?"
"Listen to what you're saying. Make what right? There's nothing to make right if I don't exist and I don't exist without your death and the pain it causes."
"Listen to what you're saying. You're mad Barry left you alone, hurt and grieving, and instead of stopping the grief you're going to cause it. You're going to cause yourself the pain you want to be free of."
"It has its uses for a time. It's now led to my ascension, but it's outgrown its usefulness. Soon I'll be able to do anything, and it'll all be thanks to you." Iris stared at him, her eyes filling with tears at the shell of the man she loved. She didn't care what he was, how he was made, he was Barry, and he was broken beyond belief and perhaps repair. She didn't think she could patch him back together.
Iris took a heavy steadying breath before taking a step towards Savitar. He didn't move in response but watched her carefully as she walked closer to him slowly until she was within touching range of him. Standing so close, she could feel his unnatural warmth. Barry was always warmer than average, but Savitar was hot, almost scorching. One of his eyes was a glazed-over lighter blue in comparison to his other eye. His hair brushed against his forehead in a way Iris usually only saw at home. The burns were gruesome up close like the skin had melted and begun sloughing off his face. It didn't steal from his beauty, it more so just enhanced his tragedy. She raised a hand to his burned cheek, examining his face. Sometime during her studying, he softened. He no longer wore a smirk or stared at her with a hateful gaze but watched her with curiosity and perhaps longing. But maybe the last part was just wishful thinking.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't save you." She whispered to him. She knew she didn't imagine it this time when his face melted into an expression much softer than before. She could feel the shift in his muscles under her fingers.
"It wasn't you. I never blamed you." He said quietly. Iris leaned closer to him, pressing her forehead lightly against his. She could feel the shuddering breath he let out against her skin.
"Iris, I..." He trailed off, and they were quiet for a moment, suspended in time with Iris' hand still caressing his destroyed cheek and one of his hands buried in her hair. It felt familiar and safe to be in his embrace, despite what she knew about him. In her heart, he was still her Barry.
"Barry, you don't have to—" Before she could finish her sentence, she felt his body tense up again, and he pulled away from her abruptly.
"I need to get ready." He said, walking back over to his suit.
Putting his armor back on. She thought.
She watched him clomp away before sinking onto a wooden crate behind her. She had no idea how to fix any of this, she truly didn't know what was going to happen now.