Dean stood over Sam and said it had been three days since he'd seen Sam eat anything. Sam knew it was more like four or five since he'd involuntarily vomited up the last actual meal they'd eaten together several nights ago. Sam knew if Dean somehow figured out just how little he'd been eating and keeping in over the past few months, Dean would force some form of medical treatment on him.
Dean would freak if he could see just how wasted Sam's body has become since he's started the trials.
Sam's become very good at hiding just how rapidly his health is declining. He wears two t-shirts underneath his button downs to hide the way his ribs are clearly visible beneath his pale skin. The extra layers also help to conceal the slightly concave slope of his abdomen and the now sharp ridges of hipbones that were once covered by firm muscles. He's had to add holes to his belt and pull it in tight just to keep his pants up. Thankfully, his shirts are long enough to cover up just how thin his waist has become.
The thing that Dean doesn't know though is that Sam wants to eat. It's without a doubt killing him not being able to. He's tired of the stomach cramps that keep him awake at night. No medication so far has been able to lessen the pain. The nauseous feeling that comes from being so completely empty and hollow makes his head swim and his muscle shake with weakness. He's so tired of the hunger induced growling and rumbling inside of him that gets so intense at times he feels like his insides are going to cave in on themselves. His hair is starting to fall out. He feels like he's dying, and it's terrifying.
Sam wants to eat but he can't. He's too sick. His body is too sick. He's never been this afraid.
Now, more than anything, he wants Dean to help him. He wants his brother to be able to take the hurt away. But in the end, he knows this is part of his purification. Only when he is completely clean will he be able to complete the trials. So he has to be okay with the way his ribs dig painfully into his inside. He has to be okay with the pain in his tailbone that comes from sitting too long in a hard chair. He has to be okay with starving.
He just wishes he didn't have to see the pain in his brother's eyes as it happens.
(the end)
***Please comment and let me know what you think. Thank you for reading.