This is just my interpretation of Sara's thoughts as she left Vegas. Inspired by the Augustana song "Counting Stars".
Writing this has been amazingly cathartic, I hope you all like it, please review.
Post/During "Goodbye and Good Luck."
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Like A Rolling Hurricane
It felt like any other night in Vegas, the skies above were an inky black the smell of night air lingered like old perfume and rainfall dampened the gravel reflecting the street lamps in puddles of amber. But as she waited on the curb for a taxi she knew that tonight was the most different her life had ever been.
She stood dressed head to toe in black as if to blend into the sky with all of her possessions that mattered packed in the suitcases by her side. As she stood still her mind wandered. It was the sound of car tires rolling over the street that reconnected her body and her thoughts.
She took one last breath of Vegas air.
This was it.
The sound of the driver's door slamming was like an alarm ringing throughout her body. She wanted to tell him to stop, to leave her in the city of sin. She wanted to ask him to leave her to drown in her own sordid secrets.
But her chest tightened, her hands gripped tighter to the edge of the seat, as her voice clung to her throat refusing to turn to sound. There was no turning back.
She thought of the man she loved as he read the letter she had left him; a letter that she had drafted and re-drafted over many occasions in the previous few weeks. No matter how hard she tried she had found to pick the right words to explain everything that she had been feeling. She had learnt the last draft word for word before finally slipping into an envelope. She had found it so hard to put how much she loved him on a blank page.
Actions speak louder than words.
And in their relationship they always had. But what were her current actions saying?
She could feel her heart jump into her throat as she glanced out of the window taking in the hangover from the Vegas lights. Neon swam past as if it was as natural as the night. People walked oblivious to the world beyond themselves. But she hadn't ever felt so aware of life away from the place she had called home.
As much as attempted to convince herself leaving this city was the best thing she could do her mind lingered on one thing. One man.
She had never known love; not really. The more she thought about her life, the darker it appeared to be. She had spent years worrying about whether she would ever truly love anyone. Because how can you feel something you've never been shown, something you've never learnt.
But things had changed the moment she met him.
A lump built up in her throat as she threw away another glance out of the window as they sped through the streets so eager to escape out into the dessert. She didn't want to leave him; leave the life she had spent so long building. But no matter how hard she tried she couldn't fight of the exhaustion that had slowly crept into her everyday life.
She would lie in bed watching the ceiling, listening to the sound of his breathing, feeling as if she were slowly suffocating. The morning light was only a harsh reminder of the sleepless night before. The scenes she faced throughout her day a persistent reel in her memory of the years that had passed her by. All of this time only one thing had been pulling her through. All of this time only one person had kept her holding on. She recalled that the realisation that what they had wasn't enough had physically hurt.
She felt lost.
The years she had spent craving a home beside him had finally materialised but the darkness's the shadows above them cast threatening evidence of her fragility. As she sat in that taxi she thought of herself only a few years ago; the last time she had self imploded. She recalled how a man that had loved her dearly all of that time ago had watched her sabotage herself in the most brutal way. But this time she wasn't willing to let that happen. He couldn't see her at her worst. She wouldn't herself get there.
Tears made themselves known in her eyes as the moment they had spent together flashed in the peripheral of her mind. She thought of the way he would wipe away her tears, listen to her when she felt as if she made no sense. He had shown her compassion and love like no one else had before. And the thought of being apart suddenly seemed very real.
Sara looked out of the window to be blinded by headlights, as she turned back the clock glowered 11:30 pm reminding her of the long journey ahead.
A crushing pain made itself known in her chest as she thought about the distance she was putting between herself and the man she loved. She would miss him with every heart beat, every breath, every moment.
The stars brightened as they drove further out into the dessert reminder of one thing she had lost in the past few months; hope.
A melancholy smile spread across her lip because she knew that one day she would find her way back to him.
Suddenly I'm caught in your light
Opened the door, and you stepped inside
And I'm watching the hours
Looking for reasons
Find that I'm missing every beat of your heart
'Til you're back in my arms,
I'll be waiting up, counting the stars
Counting the stars
The End