"I understand your reticence, Severus, and I'll admit that it's quite a natural reaction. However, he is my brother, and I'd appreciate it if you made an effort to make him feel welcome. Say hello to him, shake his hand…"

"He is a goat, Albus, and therefore does not have hands."

"While this may be true…he's my brother, all the same."

"Moreover. Making the goat feel welcome and allowing it to lie on our bed and lick its genitals while it watches us are two different things, wouldn't you say."

Awkward silence.

"…you may have a point."

Aberforth bleated piteously.

"Now you'll have a chance," Cho said in a mischievous voice, "to see firsthand what goes on in the girls' locker room."

Luna smiled brightly. "I'm sure it can't be much raunchier than what goes on in the boy's locker room."

Katie snarled and bit viciously into Luna's thigh while applying just the right amount of pressure to her broomstick to make Luna's neck ache as it arched back over the edge of the benches. Cho slid her wet body fiercely against Luna's and whispered, "Well?"

"I was w-wrong," she managed to gasp between clenched teeth, and then came.

"Professor…?" Neville said, hesitantly. She'd kept him after class again, and she only ever did that for one reason…

The greenhouse door banged open and in strolled a puffing Hagrid, carrying a wooden box. "I got yer what yer asked for, Pr'fessr Sprout."

"Excellent, Hagrid, thank you. No, stay while. I wanted to try the heart-aster before Professor Snape gets his paws on it."

Even forgetful Neville remembered the effects of the powerful aphrodisiac, and he gulped audibly.

Hours later, as all three lay panting on the earthen floor, Neville ventured to ask, "Professor?"

"Mmmm?"

"What's Snape want this for?"

"I Saw that you would be late, Professor," purred Trelawney as Snape entered the room and handed her a tiny vial.

"Professor Sprout was 'testing' it."

"Ah. Have you met Percy Weasley, my protégé? He has quite a Gift…ah…for those matters of the Inner Eye."

Snape looked diffidently at Percy, who was reclining naked on a divan.

"I shall keep that in mind."

"You know, Severus, I was walking the astral plane this morning…"

"…and you Saw me joining the two of you, correct? That's the oldest line in the book."

"Well?" Percy asked, impatiently.

"You bet your freckled arse."

Ginny weeps as Ron presses the length of his body over hers, an ineffectual shield, a hopeless gesture, and he's crying inside, dying, though he won't admit it and instead bares his teeth at the shadowy figure that is Voldemort and snarls,

"I won't do it!"

"Then, little one," sneers the dark Lord, "I will. It is your choice to make – take her or watch me do it." He disrobed long ago and the length of his body is purply red and inhuman and glittering, like beetle shells, in the firelight. Ron curses and tries to stay braced back on his heels so that none of him will touch Ginny and defile her. He knows incest is a sin; knows it deeply and intimately and she cries silently, her tiny breasts shaking.

Defile her himself, or watch as she's destroyed. Admit defeat or give in to pride. The stripes on his back already mark him the property of Voldemort. He's lost in body; why not condemn his soul?

"Wait," he says, through sour teeth, and hangs his head. The tip of his nose touches Ginny's back and she sobs anew at the contact of her brother's flesh.

"I will obey."

"It's time you found out what the girls' locker room is like."

"I know what it's like," Ginny said nervously.

"Ah," Cho shook her head, eyes gleaming, "but Tonks doesn't."

"It'll be fun," piped Tonks. "How come you never let me do this before, Gin?"

"You weren't ready."

"That's ridiculous…It's kinda quiet in here, don't you thi–mmmphf!"

"Not so tight, Cho, let her breathe!"

"The material's fairly porous, I think…" Cho said in a Ravenclawish manner, raising a muddy boot and positioning it on Tonks' back, easing her robes up. "Gloves?"

Ginny handed them over with a patient sigh.

Lucius backhanded the woman. "Where is he?"

"I don't know!" she screeched, and her panicky voice made him all the more excited. He was rubbing himself through his robes when a familiar voice said:

"Lucius, stop."

Without turning or ceasing, he sneered. "Arthur Weasley…"

"You're out of your jurisdiction. I must ask you to leave the premises immediately." Arthur's voice was triumphant. "Your job's over after this – you're finished."

Gripping himself, a nasty smile growing across his face, Lucius turned. "I don't think so, Weasley," Glancing down at the bulge in his robes and then back at the terrified Dursley woman, he sneered at Arthur. "I've only just started. Stupefacio!"

Later, Arthur swore he never knew the lump in Lucius' robes was actually his wand – not that it mattered much.

"Fair is fair, Dudders my old pal," George said with a special kind of glee. "If that nasty rat-faced mate of yours got to butt his way in on our fun – "

"His name is Piers," Dudley rumbled.

" – then I think I should be able to bring along a friend or too."

Sulkily, Dudley examined the specimen with which George had presented him. He wasn't bad-looking – what was his name? Lee? And the little wizard number that he was dolled up in was priceless. Dudley grunted in satisfaction. Whatever his dad had to say about wizards, they certainly knew how to compliment a good arse.

But the box he was carrying…Dudley shook his head fiercely, his little piggish eyes fixed with fear on the hairy leg that was poking out. "I won't do it," he said, in abject horror.

Lee shrugged. "Sorry, Pudgy, but Junior here doesn't work unless my spider is involved."

Dudley greedily eyed the other boy's crotch, and then, still shuddering at the thought, nodded quickly. "Alright, just keep it away from me, okay?"

"Ow! When's the last time you shaved down there, George?"

"Sorry, Dudley, but that wasn't me."

"I'm sorry, Arthur, I know my request was highly unusual."

"Indeed." He stared down his nose at the dripping jowls of the dog, trying not to wince. "Well – it could be worse, of course."

"Yes."

"And you're absolutely sure you want to do this?"

Remus knelt and tenderly stroked Fang's head. "If you're sure you want to make a decision like that…for me."

"You know I'd run through fire for you."

"But that's a cliché, and this is a hell of a lot more…wet."

"Yes….well…" Arthur cleared his throat, watching his lover fondle the dog. "I'd be happy as always to please you, Remus. But may I ask – ?"

"Yes?"

"Why, in Merlin's name?"

A sad and almost shy smile. "He reminds me of Padfoot."

Arthur didn't know whether to laugh or cry; and looking at the heavily salivating dog that was soon to share his bed, he chose the latter.