Allura has a heart to heart with Lance in their way to Earth.
The journey to Earth would be long. The Blade of Marmora's starship moved much slower than the Castle of the lions. Still, the general mood of the crew was high. Shiro was in a healing pod, regaining his energies. Hunk, Lance, Pidge, and Matt made complex plans to visit their families as soon as possible without lose the missions ojbective.
Sitting at the feet of the Blue Lion, Allura stared at the diamond in her hands. It was hard to believe that her home since waking from that ten thousand years long sleep was now a small gem. The halls, the kitchen, her bedroom, the training room. All fitting into the palm of her hand.
"How much more am I going to lose in this war?" The blue paladine sighed, containing the urge to cry and drown in self-depreciation. No matter how hard she tried to escape the line of derogatory thoughts, they were there, in her mind background, rising every second that a detail resembled something about the castle.
"I made it. I give Lotor the power to destroy my home..."
Allura took a deep breath, concentrating on the air in and out of her lungs as she allowed a tear to cross her cheeks, trying to think of the present and the immediate future. In a short time, Krolia - responsible for piloting the ship - would come to her to reopen a wormhole toward their destination. She did not want to be found in such a state of mind.
"Kaltenecker! Girl, did you come here?" Lance entered the shed where the red and blue lions were resting. "Ah, Allura, did you see Kalt? She was not at the place I prepared for her…" The red paladin addressed the princess when he saw her at the feet of her lion.
"Lance!" She tried to smile, not much success, wiping her face quickly. "No, I have not seen her here, have you tried the other sheds?"
Lance, more sensitive to the emotions of others than the rest of the crew, often pretended not to notice when one of the friends seemed stressed or depressed. Sometimes, each person could deal with their problems without interference from others. It was enough to take time and wait for each one to process what was going on internally. But Allura's level of introspection since the battle with Lotor and Shiro's re-establishment seemed only to grow. The fire and the force of Voltron's heart were off, far away. He also realized that during their plans to return to Earth, Allura only listened and consented, not even blinking at Keith's decisions.
Not knowing if her perception was guided by Allura's stress level or his own romantic feelings, Lance decided at least to try to help the princess.
"What's wrong, princess?" Lance sat down at Azul's feet, who did not seem to care.
"There's nothing wrong, Lance. I'm just a little tired." Allura pressed the crystal- former castle - into her hands, not caring about its sharp edges. A line of blood descended between her fingers, depositing in small droplets on the floor.
It was not unusual for Allura to be exhausted. Not only as the Blue Lion pilot, her efforts often involved energies that Lance did not understand. Including bringing the Black Lion's own vital energy to the body of (clone?) Shiro. In recent weeks she had also channeled immeasurable amounts of energy into the Lotor ships. So there was no reason for the paladin to doubt the claim. Except for the painful expression of the alteana in front of him.
"I do not think this hangar is the best place to rest, have you tried one of the lodges?" Lance tried to smile slightly to lift her spirit.
"It's probably the best, but I found it very difficult to sleep in the lodge." Allura sighed. "It would be the first time in thousands of years that I would not sleep in my room." She opened her hand and looked again at the crystal.
"I think you ended up cutting yourself." Lance watched the threads of blood on the woman's palm, holding the impulse to touch it.
Allura smiled bitterly. "I didn't notice. I've been making some pretty bad decisions lately, more precisely since I woke up ten thousand years ago..."
"OK! Pause!" Lance held up both hands in front of him. "I think you've already forgotten our last conversation where we clarified that you did not have to keep blaming yourself for the things that happened."
Allura gasped before answering. That moment when she had opened her heart to Lance had taken away a great weight and help her to continue to fight. But now that the fight was suspended and everything was consolidating before their eyes, the past facts followed a long line of reasoning that led to a conclusion only. "Thank you so much for believing in me, Lance. I've always been a very determined, very stubborn person. I wanted to fight alongside my father when the war was at its worst, but my decision was not taken into account at the end of everything." The bitter tone gradually turned to sadness. "But now I think my father was right when he didn't let me decide something so important."
Her tears were timid and resigned, as if she knew there was nowhere else to go. And, in a way, there was not. Lance knew that Altea was all that Allura and Coran know as their home, and that after so long the castle had been turned their home. He understood that now they might feel homeless. But what Allura was saying had another meaning.
"Princess, I do not think that..."
"I almost killed you all when I let myself be deceived by the castle's aritificial intelligence. How long did it take for me to realize that I was wrong, Lance?"
The paladin touched Allura's left shoulder, silently, letting her put out all the venomous thoughts he understood to be eroding her.
"I judged Keith when I discovered he was a galra, even after he fought with us faithfully. I got carried away by a prejudice and hurt a person who had already been so rejected... " The woman choked on the cry this time. "He almost gave his life to save us, and I could only see the blind hatred..." She looked up at Lance, placing her right hand, still traces of blood, on the hand he left on her shoulder.
"And after that, to distrust one of our own, I trusted the first gall that..." she searched for the words. "I trusted Lotor... after I had directed so much hatred toward the galras, I trusted him. I donated my energy, my soul and left it at his disposal. I almost gave my heart to him, Lance..."
It was Lance's turn to choke. This conversation taking towards a sensitive territory. The paladin did not want to have to hear about the princess's feelings for the heir galra. But he stayed with her.
"And I lost everything because of my poor judgment, I let myself be deceived and now everything is gone. I do not even know if I should be on this mission now. My father would be so disappointed... He saved me from the massacre galra and I could only make so many mistakes! "
Lance pulled Allura into a half-hug and let her cry on his shoulder, almost like days ago. He did not know she was saving so much self depreciation for things that were beyond her power. He ran his hand through her long hair, trying to calm her down so she could hear what he had to say.
"I told you we all made mistakes, didn't we?" He continued. "You were not well when all the corruption of the castle happened, there was no way to know that Ai was contaminated, okay?" Allura raised her head to retort, but the boy interrupted her. "And after having your people annihilated by the galras, it must have been much harder when you learned that one of the pilots was one of them. Keith is not the easiest of people, but he understands what you were going through now, there's no reason to overlook that."
The woman continued in silence. Listening to those words conflicting with their own was strange, but in a good way.
"You have regretted having treated Keith for his galra heritage. You embraced the idea that there were galras that wanted peace! It just shows how much you can change your point of view and become a better person, princess. It just shows how much your character is valiant and your willpower to transform the universe is immense." Lance freed Allura from his embrace and looked into her eyes. "Lotor was corrupted, just like that poisonous crystal in the castle. He used your hope in peace to gain power. But Allura, your heart has been in the right place and never dare to doubt your judgment because I know, we all know, where Voltron's heart wants to take us, and it's for a much better universe!"
Allura tried to smile, her brow furrowed, but she did not stop staring at Lance.
"I guess next time I have to take a decision, I can ask for your opinion too, right?" She smiled as the paladin's face turned red. "Let's try those lodgings again, maybe a little sleep will help me clear up my thoughts."
Lance stood up and held out his hand to Allura, who took it immediately. They followed the halls of the ship, arm in arm, until they reached the princess's quarters. Standing in front of the door, they said good-bye.
"Thank you for everything, Lance. You are a very valuable asset to this team, and a very dear friend."
"Okay, Princess. Have a good night!" The boy made an exaggerated gesture of bowing and went out into his own room.
Allura closed the door and sighed, watching the mice sleeping on the generic bed of the lodge. With her eyes closed she leaned against the door, hands in the middle of her chest wanting to placate the uncomfortable pain. "I just wish at least my heart had choiced better who he should give itself to..."