AN: This is set after 3.08- the morning after. It's a little weird/messed up. Thank you guys so much for all your lovely comments on my other stories- you guys are really wonderful. University's been a little crazy lately, but I do have several more stories that I hope to post soon.
Another bad dream, as if Elena's real life wasn't enough of a nightmare. Yet another crazy dream of death and destruction, one where Jeremy ended up dating yet another ghost and her mom came back, yelling at Elena and tearfully asking why the hell Elena had gotten Jeremy involved in this mess, why she hadn't kept him safe. Then the dream changed and Mikael was at the center, killing Klaus, Rebekah, Damon, Caroline, and Stefan; Elena was rooted to the spot while Stefan was killed, unable to move, unable to scream, unable to cry. Unable to do anything but watch as Stefan's skin turned an ashy grey and he fell to the ground.
Her eyes flew open as they had so many mornings past. Just a dream, Elena told herself, just a stupid dream; maybe she should investigate sleeping pills or something, maybe Bonnie could find a sleeping spell, one that wouldn't put her to sleep for a hundred years. Admittedly that wouldn't be the most practical use of Bonnie's talent or time, but Elena was fucking sick of being tired and scared all the time, even in her dreams.
With a quiet groan she checked the clock and then shifted slightly, no where near ready to get up, only ready to try to get some actual sleep. As she moved, her foot hit something above the covers, something that felt suspiciously like another foot, and Elena groaned inwardly. Had Damon actually stayed the night?
She looked over and couldn't contain the gasp of surprise, because it wasn't Damon lying besides her, it was Stefan. Stefan.
He was asleep, one hand grasping the corner of her pillow. In his sleep he looked the same as ever - a little thinner, maybe, but his features were untouched by either a snide smirk or a sneer; instead he frowned, almost seemed to be upset by something. Elena's heart ached and she wished that everything was normal, that she could wake him with playful kisses before pressing him against the mattress, straddling and loving him. Her first instinct was to wrap her arms around him and hug him tight. No, she told herself, no, you can't do that. Not when he's like this. Not when he's not Stefan.
Instead Elena remained still, simply looking at him. It was eerily reminiscent of Before, of the mornings when she woke up first and would simply gaze at him, her eyes roaming his face and body, still not fully believing that he was hers, really hers. He'd tease her about the staring, saying he felt like he was being stalked, but as soon as her hands began moving, Stefan's protests would be quickly silenced and he was too occupied with touching her, kissing her, loving her to care about her crazy stalker-girl ways. Afterwards it was always difficult for them to move, they'd be so sated and intertwined and twisted together, so happy to be together.
Elena's throat tightened. She wanted Stefan, her Stefan back. Wanted him and needed him. Thankfully, it finally seemed like they were making progress on the whole killing Klaus front, and then it would "simply" be a fight to get Stefan to not kill himself or run away. At least that was the theory. She was pretty sure she could handle that part. Maybe.
Stefan murmured something and moved, his legs draping over hers and his hand fisting some of her hair. Elena couldn't figure out what to do, roll away and scream for Alaric and Jeremy, or just stay there; she knew what option she should choose, because staying in bed with a vampire who couldn't access his human emotions was not a smart thing to do in any way whatsoever. Yet Elena remained still and silent, just watching Stefan. There was something so comforting about it, like she could almost pretend that everything was normal and she was just being her normal crazy stalker-girl self while waiting for Stefan to wake up so she could properly kiss him.
All too soon Stefan's eyes opened and Elena was reminded that this wasn't Stefan. There was no lazy smile lighting up his face, no light or life in his eyes; instead he just looked at her with the blankness that was sadly becoming achingly familiar. He didn't say anything, didn't make fun of her or mock her, just looked at her, his eyes searching her face, his hand still fisting her hair.
She couldn't move, couldn't breathe, could barely think, wondering what he was thinking. Slowly, Stefan let go of her hair, letting it slide through his fingers like the way he used to play with it and she thought, for the briefest moment, that there was something in his eyes more than blankness or apathy. Fear and sadness?
"Surprised to see me?" Stefan eventually asked.
"Damon told me last night how he let you out," she replied evenly and she knew she wasn't imagining the spark of jealousy that flared in his eyes.
"Right. Damon. Because you two are so close now," Stefan muttered. "How very Katherine of you."
Elena's jaw clenched; she hated being compared to her manipulative ancestor even if said ancestor was helping them.
"He's really come to look forward to your late night chats," Stefan continued, running his hand through her hair again. "Practically lights up whenever he hears your voice. It's quite pathetic."
"That's interesting, considering how much you used to adore calling me just to hear my voice," Elena shot back. Was it normal to want to slap and kiss someone at the same time?
"Don't remind me," Stefan groaned. "All that time I spent with you when you had Damon waiting in the wings the entire fucking time. Bet you didn't even wait after I left to make your move-wouldn't want you to have to sleep alone at night."
"Actually, I was pretty much consumed with worrying about you, spending most of my time crying over you. Hell, I practically cried myself to sleep every night think about you," Elena said. "Although, in hindsight, you're right. I should have just started fucking Damon. It would have been so much better than just waiting for you," she whispered, hating herself for the words but the result was definitely worth it, to see the anger and hurt in Stefan's eyes, the pain that shortly followed. It wasn't nice, it wasn't pretty, but it was better than Stefan the emotionless robot.
"Really. You'd go running to Damon that quickly," Stefan murmured and Elena simply raised an eyebrow, egging him on.
Suddenly he hovered over her, and he grasped her wrists, moving her arms above her head. Elena's breath caught - this was dangerous and stupid, this wasn't Stefan, but she found herself frozen, staring at his lips and eyes and damn it, she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to fuck him.
Moving achingly slowly, Stefan kissed her forehead, her cheeks, finally pressing his lips against hers. Despite herself and all the rational reasons why she shouldn't be doing this, Elena found herself responding eagerly to the kisses, her tongue seeking his and attacking it. Stefan moved her arms slightly so he could hold both wrists with one hand, the other hand sliding down to shove the covers away from Elena, flinging them carelessly aside, kissing her all the while. Ever so slowly his hand began to move down her body, tracing her collarbone and skimming her sides, briefly grouping her breasts before fiddling with the waistband of her pajama pants.
"Are you thinking about Damon now?" Stefan asked, his voice husky and low and Elena couldn't help but rock against him.
"No," she whispered, straining against his hand, encouraging it to go lower.
"Who are you thinking about?" he nibbled her ear, soothed the skin with his tongue and lips.
"You," she gasped out and Stefan laughed, thick and low against her ear. He kissed her again and again, his hand sliding beneath her pajama pants and Elena spread her legs further to give him more access, wishing he would hurry up and stop torturing her.
When Stefan slid a finger inside of her Elena had to bite back a scream and Stefan's smirk grew. Elena worked one arm loose and caressed Stefan's back before moving to the front of his jeans, which only seemed to provoke him to move even slower in retaliation. Their eyes met and there wasn't a hint of blankness on his face; on the contrary, there was a multitude of emotions, desire and lust most of all, but, if Elena wasn't completely losing it, happiness and love.
He had to cover her mouth with his own to prevent them both from crying out when they came together, hips thrusting and backs arching, Elena grabbing Stefan's ass to pull him even deeper inside of her and Stefan pulling her leg up so it wrapped around her waist. Their other hands, still above Elena's head, found each other and clasped tightly, refusing to let the other go even as the movements below became faster and faster. He couldn't look away from her, didn't want to look away from her eyes.
When it was over Stefan collapsed on top of her, their hands still clasped. Elena kissed Stefan's neck over and over, unable to let go of him completely, touching his back and dragging her fingers alone his spine. Stefan still looked at her, his eyes slightly narrowed and a hazy look on his face, like he still can't believe what they had just done. Almost shyly he kissed her again, and Elena flipped them over, kissing him back fiercely, straddling him and yanking on his hair, loving the look in his eyes that deepened with each kiss, the look of love and happiness.
Of course it ended. It couldn't last. Stefan pulled his lips away from hers, his hands on her ass as he asked, "So what's it like to fuck a monster?"
Elena slowly drew herself up and looked down at him. "Not as good as fucking my boyfriend."
"That guy?" Stefan scoffed. "Please. Don't tell me you're still moping over him."
"What can I say? I want my Stefan back."
"In your dreams, babe."
Elena grasped his hair and rocked against him, smiling at the look on his face. "I know he's still in there, I know he can come back."
"But why in the world would you want him when all you have to do is snap your fingers and have the noble Damon at your side?" Stefan asked and sure enough, there was the slightest amount of fear in his eyes.
"Because I love him," Elena climbed off of Stefan and out of bed, grabbing her robe and heading towards the bathroom. She stopped at looked at him. "Because I love you, Stefan."
She expected an insult or scathing remark, but none came. Stefan just looked at her, an almost sad expression on his face, like the emotions were there and he just couldn't access them completely, couldn't allow himself to do that. For a long moment they just stared at each other and Elena eventually moved first, walking away from him.
She could never get used to walking away from Stefan.