DARYL DIXON
Daryl sat bitterly in his cold dark cell, the thought of knowing he'd die tomorrow morning sucked. But being stuck in this cell with that photo of Glenn on the floor, Daryl couldn't complain. He knew he deserved it, he deserved the demons that were locked in the cell with him. His old man, his ma, Merle, Sophia, Beth, Hershel and Glenn. They were all screaming at him. Why couldn't you save me? They'd say.
But the one person that kept him from going completely mad was Car- the door creaked open and light filled the room. Daryl didn't get up from the corner he sat in, he just shielded his eyes from the light.
"You could live Daryl, if only you just kneel to Negan. If you pledged yourself to him, this could all go away before supper."
Daryl rolled his eyes, he didn't need his from Dwight. What did the little fucker care anyways?
"Shove it up yer ass Dwight, this day. It's been waiting for me, ain't no avoiding it now." Daryl sighed.
He left his hand fall to his side as his eyes finally adjusted to the light, Dwight was just standing there with a like book in his hand. Daryl stared at it before looking up at Dwight again.
"Ya here to take my order?" Daryl snorted.
"Ya really think yer a fucking wise guy, huh?"
Daryl wanted to tell his dad to shut the fuck up, but he knew his father wasn't there and Dwight would just think he was crazy.
"No." Dwight threw the notepad at Daryl's feet. "I'm giving you one hour, just one to write to that one person that's kept you human throughout this whole shit show we call our lives now. I know you got somebody, the somebody that you said is the reason you can't kneel. Fill the whole fucking book for all I care, but when the times done I'm taking it back, smuggle it to Alexandria."
Dwight threw the pen and a flashlight and left Daryl alone. He knew Dwight wasn't lying, he'd looked the bastard in the eyes and despite all the doubting, he knew Dwight wasn't lying this one fucking time. So Daryl gathered everything and got writing, he wrote his whole fucking life out, story after story on pages filled with chicken scratch. But he knew Carol would be able to read it, she always could.
Dear Carol,
I ain't the best at this sentimental shit, I don't even know I even spelled that word right. But that ain't the point of whatever this is I'm doing. By the time you've read this, I'm dead. Negan hung my ass and is continuing to leave my ass hanging for walker brunch.
Daryl cringed, not the best use of words. The dark humour was the best thing for this situation, but he had a fucking hour to write everything he ever wanted to say so he left it in and just kept on going.
What I'm saying is I'll be dead and this is my chance ta tell ya how I've felt about ya for as long as I've known ya. I remember the very first day I saw ya, that scared little women with a towering husband and a sweet little girl, how I wanted to know so much about you. How I wanted to beat Ed to death every night even if I heard you cry or not. I didn't even know why I felt this way, not until Merle started teasing me. And I realized it wasn't just another concerned "survivor" or whatever, but I realized I did kind of like ya. But I pushed it to the back of my mind knowing we'd rob all of ya guys, leaving ya alone with nothing and Ed. I couldn't leave you alone with Ed, even though I knew deep down you were strong, ya didn't know it yet. That's it I guess. Goodbye.
Dear Carol,
I've still got time, my hour ain't nowhere close to gone. Now I remember the first time I ever wanted to touch ya, the simplest touch. Just bumping into ya, or a small little peck on the lips. Sophia was gone and I'd shown ya those Cherokee Roses the day after I was an ass ta ya. I saw that sad look, yet that look of hope and I thought she's driving me crazy. Standing there sad because ya knew she was dead, but I said she was alive and ta ya that was lie gospel. I ain't ever had anybody look at me with such hope and caring, and I swore I wanted to kiss you before that moment needed. To me it never really did, it still plays in my mind, makes me think of how big of a fool I've been to not just kiss ya. But yer daughter was gone, so I guess that's the one good excuse I've ever got. God Carol, it hurts to know I ain't ever gonna know how those soft lips feel against my own, I ain't ever gonna make love ta ya and show ya how beautiful ya really are. I ain't ever gonna wake up next ta ya in the morning and have the sun hit that perfect spot through the window, as the sunshine's only yer face, and have ya look at me and smile. God yer smile lights up yer who damn face and ya need to know that it also lights up every damn part of me. There are so many reasons why I'm not sure why I didn't tell ya, I love ya.
Once Daryl got started he could stop, small little letter after letter telling Carol in such exact detail that he loved her in so many ways. And he felt at some point, maybe the prison that she felt the same way. But he knew he fucked it up somehow by being his dumbass self and now she's happy with Tobin. God, he hoped so bad she was happy with Tobin for his sake, he'd die knowing that asshat made her happy every day she lived, and Tobin would outlive her just so she wouldn't have to die alone.
Dear Carol,
After all these letters I ain't really afraid to die because the worst is over. The worst of Ed did something ta ya, the worst of thinking ya died like Lori or I'd never see you again after Rick sent ya off. I remember when ya went missing I thought god please don't let that happen to be me, don't let Carol of all people be dead. I didn't think I could go through what Rick did when Lori died, I saw how strong that man was and he just dropped to the floor when he realized she died, lost his fucking mind. So I pushed ya to the back of my mind and stayed strong for the group because I knew you'd want that. But everywhere I saw little reminders, even went out and decorated yer grave with Cherokee Roses. Because ya deserved it more than some fucking pieces of wood slapped together. But I found ya. And I lost ya again, when Rick sent ya off, god even though it's horrible a part of me wanted to kill him right there. But I fought because I knew you'd want that. And when ya found us after Terminus I promised I wouldn't leave ya the way I did when we found Merle. But here I am, leaving ya for the final time, and I'm sorry. It's a piss poor job of keeping a promise I knew I shouldn't have made. Carol, I know I'm just yer good friend for life or whatever, but I still I've ya, and I'll be thinking of you in hell. Hope I don't see ya down there or I'll have Merle find a way to sneak ya into Heaven, ya deserve it. Goodbye for real. I'll always love ya, Daryl Emmanuel Dixon.
Daryl tears just running down his face as he wrote the last words, he'd written so many fucking letters he lost track. That was all, that was everything he wanted her to know. Even his middle name, something nobody but his family knew and they were all dead. And maybe a part of him wanted to live on forever, and he knew Carol would do that one thing for him. Now Daryl would just have to wait for Dwight, but the shot head was gone longer then he said he'd be gone and Daryl worried he'd all of that for it to just get burned and for Caro lot know none of what he wrote. But Dwight's dumbass was out late for a smoke and forgot to bring him dinner, the douche took the books, the stuff back. Daryl made him leave the photograph, it was something he needed to face before he died. And after those letters, Daryl felt he'd come to close as terms with it as he could. He'd added a bit about making sure Maggie and her baby had the best damn life hey could have, it was an order for not just Carol but ever fucking body including Rick.