A/N: Hello, friends! I never thought I'd come to write a Reylo fic, but the urge to do a character study on Kylo Ren hit and out came this story! A bit of a disclaimer: I've only seen The Last Jedi. I haven't seen The Force Awakens (a crime that makes no sense, I know), and admittedly I am very new to the Star Wars universe, so forgive me for any inconsistencies or flat out mistakes. This was written to have romantic undertones from Kylo towards Rey, but could also be read as more of a friendship if desired. This was written for fun, and I enjoy it for the little story it became. I hope you will like it as well :) xx Cafalla
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Kylo Ren grit his teeth as he pressed the tip of his sparring rod forcefully against his downed opponent's throat.
"Enough!"
The command from the entry to the training room broke Kylo out of his combative trance. He chucked the rod away, allowing his downed soldier to roll to the side and regain their breath.
Kylo grunted as he stepped back. He breathed heavily through his nose and ran a sweaty hand through his matted raven hair.
"It would do you no good to murder your own soldiers, Supreme Leader." The patronizing venom in General Hux's voice as he referred to Kylo's new title was delivered in an effort to rile up the former Jedi.
Despite wishing he could strike down the insufferable General, Kylo Ren was not stupid. As much as he hated admitting it, he needed the weasley red haired man if he was ever going to achieve his ultimate goal of crushing the elusive Resistance.
Acting out against Hux's snarky quips would not benefit anyone, but Kylo couldn't resist spitting out, "Your months of failure in locating the Resistance is not doing me any good either, Hux."
General Hux glared daggers as Kylo shoved past him and out of the training room. He stomped down the hall towards and up the winding staircase towards his room.
Kylo cursed under his breath as he slammed the door to his chambers closed behind him.
Nothing was going right.
It had been so long ago, but he still agonized over how he had Luke Skywalker and the Resistance right there within reach, and yet they slipped through his fingers like the blood red sand of Crait.
He had almost had her, and now she was gone as well.
Sweat beads rolled down his chest, causing his black shirt to adhere uncomfortably to his torso. Kylo grimaced as he collected a change of clothes before running himself a shower. As he watched the steam billow up towards the ceiling, he frowned upon realizing he probably never came close to having her.
Rey was never his to begin with, and she would never belong to him.
She made that abundantly clear when she rejected his offer to join forces and storm the galaxy together.
He knew his request was foolish. Of course she would never agree to betray her comrades and switch to his side. Despite the shadow of Darkness that he knew hung over her, Rey had always prevailed to embody the Light in every way.
But the part of Kylo buried deep down - the small part of him that was the pure version of Ben Solo she desperately wanted him to be - hoped Rey would've picked him, just that once.
She didn't though, and that rejection burned Kylo Ren deeper than the molten light of her saber embedded into his face.
The shower pipes screeched as he turned the metal handle to cut the water off. Kylo stood dripping with his hands clenched against the wet wall in front of him with his head hung low. Dark locks of ebony hair lay plastered to his face, and he stared blankly at the porcelain tile beneath him in an attempt to calm the bubbling disappointment that still flared up even months after her rejection.
When the steam dissipated and he felt satisfied that his heart rate had more or less stabilized, Kylo proceeded to dry himself off and reached for his sleeping pants. The cool fabric slid over his sore legs, and he opted to go to bed shirtless.
Wearing a shirt to bed felt suffocating, and reminded Kylo of the frigid morning he awoke in a fright to find Luke hovering over him, eerily illuminated by the glow of his lightsaber.
He padded across his vast chambers to stand in front of the window that took up the entirety of the opposite wall. The sight of his form in the window reflected the months spent training his body from the scrawny, feeble Jedi he once was into the ruthlessly strong and intimidating Jedi hunter he had always been inside.
Kylo toweled his hair as he focused his gaze out into the expanse of murky space surrounding him.
The force bond that faintly pulsed deep within him was a constant reminder of her presence out there in the galaxy. Wherever Rey was, at least he knew she was still alive.
And she was out there, somewhere, holed up with that damned Resistance group of his mother's.
His brows knit in frustration as his lips tugged into a deep frown.
Their last standoff played like a broken record over and over again in his mind. The Resistance taking refuge behind the gates and fleeing. The blind rage he felt upon meeting his former mentor face-to-face after all these years. Luke Skywalker making a mockery of Kylo for all to see. The feeling of his mother's force raggedly faltering in pain seconds after Luke's force finally vanished forever.
And the feeling of his heart breaking at Rey's determined expression as she closed the door between them.
Her abandonment had been painfully soon after he murdered Snoke to protect her, and an unfathomable pain had festered inside him because of it.
They had bonded, and he had openly exposed himself to her. Kylo knew he had taken insight into the deepest corners of her mind, and she had even openly confessed some of her secrets as he had. Despite their combative positions in the war and the intrusive bond forced upon them without their consent, Kylo thought they had been able to reach a mutual understanding of one another.
After confessing his version of his painful past to her - after he had watched how her disdainful brown eyes softened to reveal gentle compassion that was solely meant for him - he thought they had finally managed to bridge the divide.
He had thought wrong.
Kylo sighed as he tossed his towel lazily towards the bathroom, and trudged over to his too large bed. The black sheets blended eerily into the deep crimson wall behind it, and the obsidian marble floor beneath his feet was cold to the touch.
Kylo Ren smirked bitterly as he fell back onto his bed.
He deserved this.
He would always welcome the solitude of Darkness, and it would always be there to guide him, no matter what anyone else said. Snoke had sneered down at him and questioned his drive, only to be felled by the lightsaber belonging to a Jedi of the Light, all on Kylo Ren's command. His Darkness was able to take full control of the Light, and Kylo intended to do the same with Rey and her Light.
Or at least he had, up until he betrayed and slaughtered his master for her.
Now he wasn't so sure.
Kylo stretched and brought one hand to lay atop his stomach while he drew the other up to cover his face with the back of his hand. His knuckles grazed the ragged surface of the scar she had given him.
Before his betrayal and Snoke's death, Kylo's force bond with Rey was strong, to the point of being annoying at times with how often they inadvertently connected in the physical realm. After he killed Snoke, and particularly after Rey turned her back on him to flee with the Resistance after Skywalker's death, Kylo found it impossible to connect directly to her. He hadn't seen her since that day.
Kylo tried in vain to physically traverse the force bond more times than he could count after the fact, but failed in reaching her every time.
Had she ever once tried to seek him out?
His feelings toward her were complicated. The back and forth of wanting to take advantage of her, then wishing for her acceptance was exhausting. It was frustrating to not be able to contact Rey on a whim like he used to, and he tried in vain to suppress the disgusting longing that coiled in his stomach whenever he tried and failed to reach the girl. Kylo didn't quite know what to make of it, nor what feelings were inside Rey herself concerning their dynamic.
All he knew was that he wished to see her again.
Kylo Ren's sunken, dark eyes glanced back towards the window as his chest rose and fell with his breathing
He'd just have to hope tomorrow would be the day General Hux finally made himself useful and discovered a clue as to the Resistance's whereabouts.
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"...Ben…"
The sound of a familiar soft voice sweetly whispering his name attempted to lull Kylo out of unconsciousness.
"...Wh...nnn, n-no!"
The voice was a bit louder this time, and Kylo Ren jerked awake at the pained cry, his body now on high alert. It took him a couple delayed seconds to realize he was not staring up at his chambers ceiling, and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. His right hand shot out to his nightstand to grasp the familiar metal hilt of his lightsaber, and as the blood red glow of his blade illuminated the room, Kylo realized the noise was coming from beside him.
As the stifled whimpering from his side filled the small room, he brought his blade over his chest and slowly turned to witness Rey calmly sleeping beside him. Kylo's breath hitched in his throat, afraid of suddenly waking her, and his heart thudded rapidly in disbelief that he had somehow managed to reconnect their physical realms for the first time in months.
And while in his sleep, no less.
He lay as still as possible, and watched in astonishment as Rey mumbled softly in her sleep, completely unaware of his presence. She was curled facing him with her head slightly tucked and her arms pulled to her chest. Their physical connection was blurry and stitched between them, highlighting the contrast between his regal black sheets and decadent bed and the ratty blanket and worn mattress she slept on.
The girl's brows twitched, causing her to flip from a serene expression to a pained one, and Kylo figured she must have been deeply dreaming. His body was tense as he watched her, but he soon allowed his gaze to roam around her side of the room. It was much smaller than his chambers, and he was surprised to see she actually appeared to be sleeping securely indoors, rather than outside under the stars or in a dilapidated hut.
A wry smirk twisted his lips.
Look who was moving up in the world.
Her room was not visually interesting, as it looked to be a dirty common bunk one would find on a common soldier's ship. What did catch his interest, other than the fact he had finally managed to connect with Rey, was the too large tunic she slept in. The neckline and size was cut for a sizeable man, and it hung loosely off her shoulder, exposing the slope of her collar to him. Every other time he had visited her during the night, she had always remained clothed in her Jedi ensemble. Her chestnut brown hair was also wild and loose from her trademark buns. Her locks seemed to have grown out a bit longer since he last saw her. But then again, his hair had grown out quite a bit as well.
Such things naturally occurred over time, especially during gaps as large as the one he had gone without laying eyes on her.
Rey grunted, drawing his attention from her hair back down to her face. She was quite a noisy sleeper.
Kylo's lightsaber was still activated as he held it above her, and he watched her face intently. His eyes traced the curve of her dark lashes against her cheek and the movement of her plump lips as they trembled.
"...Ben…"
The Supreme Leader froze, realizing she had indeed spoken his name before he had jerked awake. Rey must have been dreaming about him.
Interesting.
It didn't sound like a pleasant dream, however, and Kylo felt conflicted on what exactly he felt from witnessing her in this vulnerable state.
He withdrew his blade, which caused their joined rooms to be engulfed in darkness once more. Kylo shifted so that he was propped on his side facing her, and exhaled in relief as he noted her breathing remained regular.
Here she was, the girl that plagued his thoughts and fueled a fire in his heart, currently laying beside him as vulnerable and innocent as a lamb.
As his eyesight adjusted to the darkness, he watched her and debated his next plan on action.
Unfortunately for him, Rey seemed to have sensed his warmth radiating from beside her.
Kylo Ren sharply inhaled at the feeling of her face nearing his naked chest as she clumsily scooted closer to him in her sleep. Her cold fingers inadvertently grazed his bicep as she tried to curl into his body heat, causing a salacious warmth to pool deep in his belly. Apparently satisfied with her newfound heater, Rey hummed gently before her quiet snores resumed once more. After a minute had passed, her dream must have taken a turn for the worst, because she began to whimper once more.
"...Nnn...Ben...p-please…"
The former Jedi tightly squeezed his eyes shut as he turned all his focus onto calming his body down. His name being spoken between her soft pants, along with the feeling of her breath ghosting across his chest, was making his efforts all the more difficult. He grit his teeth and tried to will his self control to return.
Rey slept so calmly beside him, and unconsciously sought him out for comfort. The renewed heartache of her rejection ignited in his chest and sent a wave of anger rushing through him.
He couldn't believe how much power this stupid little girl held over him.
Enough of this.
Kylo Ren ripped away and violently sat up before he pushed Rey onto her back. He growled as his lightsaber roared to life, and he straddled the sleep delirious girl, effectively disabling her from escaping.
A strangled noise escaped Rey, whose eyes were now wide with panic. She thrashed beneath him as she tried to escape the weight of his body, and flailed her arms towards him as she tried to land wild punches.
Kylo growled as he used his free hand to grasp one of her wrists, and pressed it down into the mattress beside her head, halting her assault.
He had never been so physically rough with her during their force bond connections before, but after Rey turned her back on him, and after going so long without seeing her while his pain built, Kylo wasn't exactly sure how to act anymore. He just knew he couldn't let her get the upper hand. The fact that he still held some semblance of power over her had to be established, even if it was false in nature.
The girl's eyes darted around and tried to quickly make sense of her surroundings as adrenaline coursed through her body. Rey blinked against the intensity of his lightsaber, and her eyes widened as she immediately recognized her attacker.
"B-Ben..?"
His name tumbled breathlessly from her sweet lips in shock, and his body pulsed at the overwhelming feeling of their force bond reigniting.
Kylo said nothing as he stared down at Rey, and his eyes were drawn to her heaving chest. Her tunic had lodged farther down her shoulder, revealing more of her neck and collar to him. The girl's brown hair was splayed out around her head, and a few stray tendrils lay over her shoulder across her pale skin. He gulped as he was momentarily distracted by her uncharacteristically disheveled feminine appearance.
A movement from his right side caught his attention. It was so brief that Kylo almost missed it.
The hand that pinned her wrist to the bed pressed down hard in reaction to his body tensing up, earning a gasp from Rey, and Kylo expertly flicked his saber out to deflect her own weapon that had been rocketing towards her open palm. It hit the wall and clattered to the ground.
Kylo Ren smirked down at her and tsk'd her reckless bravery.
Did she really think she would be able to gain the upper hand in this situation?
"Kylo Ren. I am not Ben Solo...but you know that." He leaned in closer as he tried commanding her gaze, and Rey turned her head to the side in an effort to create more distance between their faces.
Hot breath fanned against Rey's ear as he leaned in close to whisper, "Ben has been long gone, Rey. When will you ever learn?"
It felt good to put her in her place.
When he has asked her to join him, Kylo felt in that moment he had been the most like Ben Solo since he had turned to the Dark side. And even then she still had rejected him.
He pulled away and lessened the pressure on her wrist, though his fingers remained caressing her pulse to serve as a threat. His lightsaber cast an eerie glow on her face, making the normally headstrong and brave girl appear so small and fragile, even though she was hostilely glaring back up at him.
The sight of her trapped and squirming beneath him as she tried to escape sent a euphoric power rush through his system.
"Ben," Rey growled and she tried to pull free from his weight, "Stop this!"
Somehow, strength had managed to find its way back into her voice, despite her disadvantaged state. That chill he recognized as always present in her voice when she would speak to him had returned full force. A bitter smirk disfigured his face as he brought his saber closer.
Rey's body was tense, but she remained steadfast and bravely held his gaze as the flames of his saber licked her cheek.
"If only you could've heard how sweetly you spoke my name in your sleep," Kylo murmured as he withdrew his hand from her wrist and pulled his saber away. He scanned her face, searching for any kind of reaction, "It would've made you sick."
He realized in saying this, he had openly claimed Ben as his name, but for all Rey knew, she had referred to him as Kylo Ren in her sleep.
Rey met him with a defiant glare as she grabbed her sore wrist with her free hand and massaged it gently. She kept her hands up and guarded above her chest.
"I never took you to be the kind of creep who watched unassuming girls alone in their beds. I can only wonder how many times you've done this in the past, before the force bond weakened."
Kylo Ren snarled, but did not move to threaten harm again. Instead he tightly fisted his hand beside her head as he crouched nearer to her and spat, "I never spied on you sleeping! I wasn't even trying to bond with you tonight. I woke up to someone calling my name, and there you were beside me."
Rey's eyes widened, "You couldn't connect for all these months, then suddenly you manage to bond while we're both asleep?"
Kylo pursed his lips at her nonchalant mention of his desperately pitiful attempts to connect with her via the force, but nodded, "Yes, it appears that way."
Despite the skeptical look in her eye, he knew she could tell he was not lying.
"Where are you located?"
She narrowed her eyes at his redirect and blunt question, "Like I'd tell you."
He realized during their scuffle that no one had barged in the room to interrupt them. From his earlier observation, he knew the bunker was small enough to house only one person.
"You're here alone," he stated simply as he studied her face.
Rey evenly stared back, not betraying any signs that told him if he was correct or not.
"I bet it was Organa's idea to keep you separated from them. Smart move on her part."
Ah, bingo.
Kylo smirked as the girl beneath him averted her gaze after he uttered his mother's name. It almost made him laugh out loud at how easy it was to read her.
There was no hiding anything from his sharp eyes, and even if she did try, he'd always catch her.
He noticed everything when it came to Rey.
"That's none of your business."
"Maybe not, but it is useful to know."
Rey glared at his saber that crackled sickening close to her face. The girl sighed, "What do you want from me, Ben? Other than my location, obviously."
Kylo's eye twitched as she rolled her big brown eyes in response.
Organa was clever to keep Rey quarantined from the Resistance. The threat of him reaching her through their bond and discovering their hideout definitely could get them into trouble, but unbeknownst to them, Kylo and Rey's force bond had weakened significantly. He guessed his mother still followed through in case a slip up like tonight happened. Good on her.
"I already told you that I did not connect here intentionally, but now that you mention it, there is something I'd like to hear from you."
He wouldn't be able to observe or pry any real useful information out of her because she was presumably being kept out of the loop of the Resistance's plans, so Kylo figured to ask the only question she may actually willingly answer.
Rey wearily watched his face, and he paused for a moment before muttering, "Tell me about your dream."
Her brows knit in confusion, "Excuse me?"
Why did she always have to make simple matters so difficult?
Kylo's dark eyes glittered from the red light emitting from his saber. He brought his blade down towards her collar as a silent threat, which caused her to inhale sharply.
"You don't have to do this," she warned.
His voice was even but patronizing, as if passive-aggressively scolding a child, "The dream that you were having before I woke you - tell me what it was about."
It was an order, and Kylo waited for Rey to make her decision as to whether or not she would follow it.
"Fine, if you really must hear about it. My dream was about you, Ben. You said you knew as much already."
Kylo narrowed his eyes at her cheeky response to his earlier comment. "Kylo. Ren."
"No, I dreamt about Ben." Her voice was firm as she corrected him.
At this point Kylo had brought his free hand down to rest beside her head once more. His fingers tangled in her soft chestnut hair, which caused her to sharply inhale and tense up.
"You wouldn't want to hear about it," she grit out.
"Don't claim to know what I want. Tell me."
Rey licked her lips and averted her gaze. Her voice was quiet, and Kylo strained to hear her over the adrenaline making his blood rush.
"I was dreaming about what you told me...when Luke betrayed you. I dreamt about you taking all of your fellow Jedi's lives in return." Kylo tensed, but did not immediately lash out, so she continued in a low voice, "I watched you murder them in cold blood. I...I was trying to stop you."
Kylo stared blankly down at her, and Rey uttered the last bit of her story, "Right before you attacked me, you had turned to me and mentioned something about you having always been a monster. Then I awoke to...you know."
She exhaled heavily as Kylo's eyes flitted across her face, drinking in her disheveled appearance as he processed her words. Rey stared back at him, though her expression this time wasn't of defiance or anger.
In the illuminated glow from his crimson lightsaber, Kylo Ren only saw exhaustion and pity reflected in her softened eyes.
It was just like that time so many months before, when he first confessed his sins to her in that damp little hut where she had been staying with Luke.
The hand that was in her hair fisted tighter against the bed.
For months, Kylo had so badly wanted to hurt Rey worse than the way she had hurt him.
But as she lay trapped beneath him with his saber at her throat, Rey still found it in her to stare up at him with eyes full of empathy. His past haunted her just as much as it haunted him. Despite his rage, he realized she sensed and accepted this weakness within him. This nobody girl from a deserted land saw him to be somebody worth caring for, even though they were on different sides of the war.
Kylo knew he could never bring himself to hurt her.
She had grown to become too precious to him, even if she only continued to reject him over and over again.
He realized this now.
All the emotion that had bubbled up within him and fueled his rage when he initially woke her up suddenly left him in a deflated breath. He felt angry with himself for losing control of his senses and needlessly jumping on her with his weapon drawn.
Was this hesitancy the same as Luke Skywalker had felt when he had hovered over Ben's sleeping form?
Kylo suddenly dropped his saber as if it had stung him, causing the crimson blade to fizzle out. The hilt clattered to the floor and echoed loudly as Rey's lightsaber had done moments before. He pressed one of his hands over his mouth.
And here he was now, repeating history by cornering Rey as she slept. He had reveled in her disadvantaged state, and he had come so close to actually hurting her.
Kylo was no different than his uncle by pinning her down with his saber drawn, ready to kill.
A painful cry tore out of his throat as Kylo recoiled on his haunches and pressed both palms roughly into his face. His breathing was labored as he fought to process what had just transpired between him and Rey, as well as his past with Luke. A chorus of "no no no" repeatedly escaped his lips as he felt tears prick his strained eyes.
The feeling of Rey's weight shifting on the bed beneath them registered in his mind, but Kylo did nothing to stop her. She was probably going to lunge off the bed for her lightsaber and turn on him, and he wouldn't have expected anything less from her. They both knew he had unfairly taken advantage of her sleep-ridden state and ambushed her - it only made sense for her to turn the tables on him in his weakened state.
So much for that false bravado of power he had attempted to intimidate her with.
The sound of the bed creaking beneath them, and then the sensation of cold fingers gently encircling his wrists caused Kylo to violently flinch in surprise. She did not remove her grip, and after a few more haggard exhales, he allowed Rey to pull his hands away.
Without the light of his saber, Kylo could barely make out her face from the faint moonlight that trickled in through the tiny window of her cabin. Her brows were knit in concern as she looked back at him through the darkness.
Rey's fingers fell away from his wrists, and she slowly reached for his face, allowing Kylo ample time to deny her advance. He sat still in shock and in wonder, though his chest continued to heave with overwhelming agony.
The pads of the girl's fingertips gently grazed his wet cheek, and Kylo bit his lip hard enough to break skin.
The room was deathly silent, and Kylo's nostrils flared as he quietly hyperventilated under the intimacy of her touch and the unsaid words she fed to him through her simple action.
It's okay Ben, I'm here. You're not alone.
Rey began to lean back and withdraw her hand.
Kylo quickly snatched her wrist, and abruptly pulled her closer towards him. Her free hand shot out to rest upon his shoulder in order to stabilize her weight as she was pulled forward onto her knees and into his chest. Kylo pressed his tear-stained face into her palm, and his sweaty raven locks brushed against her fingers.
He licked his chapped lips and whispered into her palm with a voice so small he barely recognized it as his own, "I'm so sorry, Rey. For everything."
Kylo could feel her force shudder as their energy flowed heavily between one another. The small, cold hand on his naked shoulder sent tingles down his spine. Rey was so close he could feel her panting breath hitting the top of his head, and he resisted the urge to grab her and pull her closer down onto his lap.
He nuzzled her palm as she quietly replied, "I know."
After a few moments, Rey moved back away from him, and Kylo let her go without a fuss. As if like magic, her presence and understanding soothed him. Kylo's soul felt calmed for the first time since she had left him. He looked down to his trembling hands that now rested in his lap.
"I always thought my uncle was the worst," he bitterly laughed, "but I'm definitely more messed up than he is."
Kylo could feel her gaze focused on him, and he wiped at his face. Though he didn't elaborate, he could sense that Rey knew he had seen Luke's betrayal reflected in her eyes when he was pinning her down.
"I wanted to hurt you so badly...you abandoned me, Rey." He felt her flinch across from him. His eyes had adjusted to the dark, and he looked up to fix her with his smoldering gaze, "Why didn't you go for your saber?"
"Because I knew you wouldn't hurt me." Her answer spilled out so quickly, and Kylo knew she only spoke what she believed to be the truth.
Kylo's tears began to dry as he smirked, "That's rather presumptuous of you to say considering you're a Jedi and I'm the Jedi Killer who had been holding the upper hand."
Rey grunted as she shifted in her seat and crossed her arms at his tactless admission of his cursed title. "I guess so, but my assumption was correct."
"That it was."
They sat in silence as they both calmed down from their tense encounter. The air that was so heavy just moments before dispersed, and all that was left where the muddled feelings of the pair that was finally reunited after months of no contact.
It felt strange being in Rey's presence again, but Kylo also treasured the heat that radiated across the bed from her. Now that he had stopped seeing red, her soft natural scent that clung to the bed beneath him was overpowering his senses and making his heart race. Kylo put his face in his hands and massaged his temple as he tried to calm down.
Rey cleared her throat and drew Kylo's attention back up to her, "Now what? Are you...going to stay here?"
Her head tilted slightly to the side as she regarded him, and Kylo felt his face heat up at the sight of her large eyes looking curiously back at him through the silver darkness.
"I'm not sure, I can try breaking the connection…" He trailed off, and Rey picked up on his hesitancy.
"You don't want to leave just yet?"
Rey had a strong claim to the force, but for some reason had a difficult time connecting and breaking their physical force connections. He supposed it was because he had learned how to intricately manipulate the force from Snoke, whom had attached the force bond onto them in the first place. Kylo was usually the one to dictate how long these interactions lasted, but now that his control had weakened, he wasn't sure exactly how much power he held regarding their force bond anymore.
"...No." Kylo admitted quietly as he waited for her anger to strike. It never came, and he felt a need to justify his response. "I haven't been able to breach the divide, and somehow I finally have. Who's to say once we disconnect if we'll ever be able to connect again? I know the force bond can't be completely destroyed, but it's weakened considerably since I got rid of Snoke."
Rey hummed thoughtfully at his reply, and Kylo leaned forward to prop his elbow on his knee and let his chin land in his hand. He mumbled between his fingers, "Though I know nothing would make you happier than to finally be rid of me."
He felt Rey lean forward as well, and he arched his brow as he met her gaze through the darkness.
Her voice held a tinge of disappointment as she asked, "Why do you say that?"
"Because it's true?"
"Hm, maybe. But…" Rey trailed off, as if uncertain if she should speak the rest of her thought.
Kylo's heart raced as he prodded her to continue, "...But?"
"But...I admit, I greatly noticed your absence. Truthfully I missed talking to you through the force bond, like this." She waved her hand back and forth between them, "I mean, I definitely disliked you at first, but after you stopped attacking me and started to be civil, your company was a bit more tolerable."
He snorted at this, and Kylo thought he caught Rey crack a smile.
"I truly meant what I said back then...that you're not alone. And after that night...I know I'm not alone, either." Rey looked down as she busied herself with fingering the hem of her sleeping shirt. "That is the one good thing to come from this bond that I hadn't anticipated."
Kylo's felt as if his head was about to explode.
Did this make them...friends?
The girl's energy across from him grew tense, and he noted she was getting antsy after her confession.
He licked his lips and evenly replied, "That is a relief to hear. I thought it was only me who felt that way."
They both thought on their confessions in silence.
"So...why did you leave?"
Kylo knew he didn't have to elaborate, as Rey knew he was asking about that night he asked her to leave with him.
"Ben...I couldn't go, you know that."
He did know, truly.
As much as he tried to deny it, he knew she had an unyielding duty to the Resistance.
Luke and his mother snatched up the lonely desert girl who was privy to the force and gave her a life, gave her a purpose. They gave her a mission, just as Snoke had given Kylo one. And they were both in too far deep to abandon their side. They were locked in for the long haul, and eventually one side would prevail.
After a long reflection with only their breaths breaking the air between them, Kylo replied, "Never minding our reality, would you have come with me? Is that what you would have wanted?"
Dark, hooded eyes peered up at her through his lashes, and he saw her expression falter as pain flashed across her eyes. He was aware that he was practically begging for her answer, but he just had to know.
"What I want doesn't matter. It never has, and probably won't until this war is over."
"So you wanted to come with me?"
"I'm not...maybe?" Her voice was barely above a whisper as she hid her face behind her fisted hand and looked away.
Kylo felt his throat go dry at her admission.
His fingers twitched to reach out and touch her.
Rey seemed reluctant to share any more with him after admitting she too, had missed him during their long absence.
If the circumstances had been different, just knowing she would've considered joining him in running away had settled the knot that had been tightening in his heart since her rejection that night.
He wanted to press farther and hear the headstrong girl admit more of her hidden feelings, but Kylo knew he had done enough damage for one night.
Hux would probably be busting in his room to bark at him for not getting an early start on patrolling the ship. Kylo felt a headache coming on just thinking about it.
Breaking their physical connection was not something he wanted to do now, and he gulped before hesitantly asking, "May I?"
Rey turned back to him as her eyebrow quirked in confusion. He motioned to his side of the bed next to her, and her mouth formed a small "o" shape as she understood his intentions. "Sure."
Kylo pulled his lumbering body up so that he was on his knees, and his dark eyes settled on the girl he now towered over. Rey stared up at him, and Kylo smirked as he noticed her eyes dart down to his naked chest and then back up to his face. Her brown eyes narrowed in response, and Kylo moved to lay on his side with a soft plop.
Rey remained sitting upright on her side of the bed, and Kylo gently patted the bed, motioning for her to lay down. She glared down at him and frowned, "Just because I'm allowing you to lay beside me doesn't mean I have to lay down, too. How do I know you won't jump on top of me again?"
The question posed was a serious one, but Kylo couldn't help the blush that rose to his cheeks at the implication of him on top of her.
Well, that had actually been the position they were in minutes before, but now that he had calmed down, he realized how scandalous of a position it actually was.
He swallowed his embarrassment and retorted, "Fine, lose precious sleep then."
He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply before adjusting on his side and resting his head in the crook of his arm. After a few beats of silence, he cracked an eye open to peer up at Rey, who was sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest. Her eyes were closed, though a stern expression rested on her face.
Kylo smiled to himself as he inhaled her scent and relished in this small gesture of a truce she had allowed him despite his earlier attitude. Guilt shot through him at this thought.
Blurry sleep started to overcome his senses when Kylo felt Rey shift in front of him and lay down. He remained still for a while before cracking his eyes open to see her facing him from her new position, though her expression had softened greatly since he had last looked upon her.
He watched her for what felt like hours, and smiled to himself upon noticing her soft snores as she finally entered into sleep. The warmth that flooded his body from witnessing her unguarded trust in him was overwhelming, and he couldn't resist slowly reaching out to caress her face.
Rey hummed at his touch as he brushed her soft locks away from her cheek, and she unconsciously nuzzled into his hand, earning a gulp of hesitancy from Kylo. He left his hand cupping her face, and held his breath as he watched her. The girl's cold fingers rose to rest lightly against his arm that was extended out towards her.
Kylo's heart swelled as he blissfully closed his eyes and allowed himself to follow her lead and succumb to sleep.
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"Supreme Leader!"
Kylo groaned at General Hux's rough voice reached his ears.
"You ought to get up, the ship won't patrol itself."
Despite not having a visual of the man, Kylo could sense the sneer that was surely on his face. The door to his chambers slammed shut as Kylo slowly blinked awake.
With a start, he realized he was all alone in his massive chambers once more.
His right arm was still outstretched from when he had held Rey's face before falling asleep, and his fist clenched down on the sheets where her body should've been. Kylo grunted loudly as he turned on his back and moved to stretch his legs.
Surprise painted his face as felt something constricting them, and he sat up. Wound between his legs was Rey's ratted blanket, and he stared at it for a second before grabbing it and bringing it up to his face. He inhaled deeply, and was pleasantly surprised to find it did actually smell like her. Kylo gently laid the blanket down beside him and flung himself against the bed on his back again.
He meditated for a minute as he pressed into the force to seek Rey out, and opened his eyes in disappointment to find that she was not there.
Of course.
Kylo gingerly touched the torn blanket with a frown before getting up and dressing in his robes. He padded towards his chambers door to follow after Hux to begin another routine day as Supreme Leader.
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A/N: Thanks for reading! Admittedly, I wrote Kylo to be much crueler in my initial draft, but after studying his character more decided that that wasn't truly his nature to be unnecessarily cruel, even in heartache. But I could be wrong...he did murder all his Jedi friends so I mean...maybe I'm far off LOL.
I know Rey is probably really OOC in letting Kylo off the hook so easily for attacking her, but I imagine that she was able to quickly gather that he was not truly intending to harm her, and that he was more or less fighting with himself and not her. And that she noticed he realized he was pulling a Luke, so she took pity on him. We didn't see any thoughts from her POV as I wanted to focus primarily on Kylo, so I hope those ideas came through? But eh, I did feel a bit stuck in getting the end of this story and didn't want it to drag on, so I hope the downward fall of their fight and their resolution was not too unnatural. Feel free to let me know your thoughts :)
xx Cafalla