Dying
A/N - Inspired in part by two recent stories that I have read here on FF. AngelPrincessLilac's 'Face of Obedience' and Rhoswen19's 'After the Bullets stopped flying.' Thanks to both for their inspiring stories.
Thanks to the lovely AngelPrincessLilac for beta'ing this story and the advice that helped turn it (and future writing) from a tennis match to a ballet! And for the title - (I swear sometimes the title is harder to figure out than the story!)
Slightly AU - I haven't seen any episodes with Macy in them yet, so didn't feel I could write about her. Also, assuming that Callen has known Hetty for 6 plus years.
Reviews forever appreciated.
Disclaimer - Don't own anything recognisable from the TV. Just doing it for fun.
On with the story...Enjoy.
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"We're losing him!" yelled one of the doctors, as the heart monitor flat lined and alarms beeped from all around.
"Get more blood into him, stop the bleeding and get his heart going now!" Another shouted, as the team of five raced to save the man on their operating table.
XXXX
Callen woke up. He was lying on a beach, the sun warm and shining above him. The sky the deepest blue. He felt no pain. As he sat up, he saw her standing there, her back to him. Her long, wavy, blonde hair moving in the gentle breeze. Her soft, white dress dancing around her legs. Her feet bare in the sand. She turned to him and smiled.
"Alex?" He was confused. She was dead. Why was she here? Unless... "Am I dead, too?"
Alex walked over to him, a soft smile still on her face. Callen took the hand that she offered and stood up. He looked into her eyes and saw sadness in them, but he also saw the love there, as well. The love that had always been in them for him. He had missed her so much.
Alex shook her head gently and said softly, "Not yet."
Callen looked around. He remembered this place. He turned back to her. "Why are we here?"
"Your choice. Guess you liked it here."
Callen reached out to her, touching first her cheek, then her hair. He smiled. It had been so long, but she still felt the same, he hadn't forgotten. Alex closed her eyes slightly and moved her head into his touch.
"I've missed you," he said, his voice soft and gentle. Alex opened her eyes and smiled back.
"And I, you," she replied.
"I remember here. I was happy. We were happy." Callen looked around again at the quiet beach, taking in the crystal clear blue water. Six years ago they'd spent two weeks here. Just the two of them. No one else around, a private cabin, a private beach. Time to recover from a difficult mission.
"Yes, we were. Very happy," she agreed.
"This was where I proposed." Callen remembered asking her that question, remembered the look in her eyes as she answered. He looked back at her and smiled.
"Where I said yes," she replied. Then the smile left his face.
"Where we got pregnant," Callen said softly. The smile left hers now. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.
"There wasn't time. I only found out the day before." The smile returned to her face as she continued. "I had plans on how to tell you that night. Fun plans."
Alex reached her hand up to him, placing it gently against his cheek. "I'm sorry you found out the way you did."
He'd found out she was pregnant from the autopsy. Eight weeks pregnant. To lose her so quickly, to have her die in his arms, right there, where she had been shot. Then to find out she had been carrying his child. It had almost been too much. He'd been so close to following her, following both of them.
"Alex, where are we?" He wasn't dead, but he was here with her. He didn't know what that meant.
"Somewhere, in the middle of two choices. You need to choose, G, where you go from here," she answered. Alex moved her hand away from his face and slipped it into one of his.
"Choose?" Callen frowned.
"Go back, fight and live, or stop fighting and come with me."
"Is that really a choice?" Callen asked. "You're here. Why would I want to be anywhere else? I love you, Alex. I never stopped."
"I'm always with you, G. Always watching out for you." Alex smiled. "I know you never really believed in guardian angels or things like that, but that's what I am for you now."
"You always were my angel." Callen touched her face again as he spoke, looking into her eyes. "Why are you so sad?" he asked.
"I love you G, but now isn't the time for you to join me. There is so much more for you to do, too many people who need you. Perhaps even another love for you to have." Her voice was sad, touched slightly with pain. But even with that, he could still hear the love her voice.
"Another love?" Callen shook his head. "Not gonna to happen." He'd loved her with everything he had. He had nothing left to give anyone else.
Alex smiled gently. "There might just be someone out there, G. Someone looking for you, waiting for you."
Callen looked away, across the ocean, and then back. "Who would want me?" There was so much baggage that came with him, most he would never share with anyone. Though he had shared a lot with her, there was some he hadn't even been able to tell her.
"I did," she answered. "But it's up to you. You'll need to let me go first."
Callen frowned. "You want me to be with someone else?"
"I'm not there anymore, G. I want you to be happy. You have so much love to give." Her eyes shining with unshed tears as she spoke and placed a hand on his heart.
Callen reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear, after the breeze blew it across her face. "No, I don't. I gave it all to you."
"No, you didn't. It'll be different. Just because you loved me doesn't mean you can't love someone else. Love isn't a limited resource. And loving again ... it doesn't mean you love me any less," Alex said.
"But—"
She placed her fingers on his lips to stop him. "Shhh. Can't you hear them? Listen. They want you back, they need you," she whispered.
Callen turned his head to look around. Alex chuckled softly and turned his head back to her, stroking his cheek as she did. She shook her head, a stray tear falling from her eyes. Callen reached out to brush it away.
"Not like that." She put her hand on his chest, right above his heart. "Here."
Callen looked at her, not understanding. Alex smiled and took his hand, leading them to the water's edge. He slipped his arm around her shoulder as they walked. She leaned into him and put her arm around his waist, the way they'd always walked on the beach. She fitted perfectly under his arm.
"Tell me about Sam."
"Sam?" Callen asked, slightly distracted by the sweet scent of her hair as it blew across his face.
Alex reached up and tucked it behind her ear as she added, "He's one of the ones calling to you."
Callen smiled as he thought about his partner. "He's a good partner, drives me crazy with his paper animals on stakeouts. I trust him," he concluded.
Alex prodded him for more. "What else?" Callen thought for a moment.
"He makes me laugh. We have fun. We don't always agree. Most of the time he's a pain in the -" Callen stopped as she laughed. He looked down at her, curious.
"So you like him?" Alex had a sparkle in her eyes as she asked that. He smiled at her, at the memory of other times she had that look in her eyes. The look that told him she had just seen through him to the truth.
"Yeah, I like him. Just don't tell him that."
Alex grinned and moved on. "Kensi?"
Again, Callen smiled as he remembered the most recent addition to his team.
"She's tough. But there's something about her. Like she needs someone to watch out for her. She's very good at her job. Makes a great agent already." Callen frowned slightly, not quite able to remember if he'd told Kensi that though.
"Do you like her?"
Callen looked down at her, the frown staying on his face. He wasn't quite sure what it was she wanted to know.
"Are you asking me if I'm interested in her personally?" Callen asked in disbelief. She hadn't really just asked him that, had she?
"She's pretty, she can handle your teasing and puts you in your place on occasion. Not too bad in a fight. What's not to like?" Alex replied as she looked up at him.
"You know, this is a conversation I never really pictured us having." Talking to the love of his life about another woman seemed very wrong to him.
"I'll drop it then, after one more question," Alex promised.
"What?" he asked cautiously.
"Do you trust her?"
"Yes," Callen answered with no hesitation, rather relieved at the question.
"Next, let's go with Nate." As promised, she had moved on.
Callen's curiosity got the better of him and he asked, "How do you know all of this? And since you seem to know so much, why do you even need to ask me about them?"
"Told you I was always with you. So, Nate?" Alex prodded. Callen thought about their team psychologist. He didn't know Nate very well, personally but work-wise he could answer her.
"Nate's good, not too pushy, unless Hetty is at him to get me to talk."
"You know you should talk to him more." Alex's voice was soft and encouraging. She'd always tried to get him to talk, never in a pushy way though. She had a much more gentle approach, which had actually worked. Much to his surprise.
"So everyone keeps telling me," Callen commented, slightly sarcastically.
"Then perhaps it's time for you to listen to their advice."
Callen stopped them, turning Alex to him and looking at her face." Only if I go back."
Alex smiled up at him, but there was still that sadness in it.
"G, I can't force you to go back. But you need to make sure you know what you are giving up if you don't." Callen could hear the sadness in her voice too.
He slipped his hands gently to the back of her head, his fingers slipping into her soft hair."Staying, I get you." His voice soft as he spoke and then he kissed her gently.
"Tell me about Hetty," Alex said, as they started walking again.
"Hetty knows everything. She probably knows exactly what's happening to me here. She cares about her agents. Sometimes more than she should. She would do anything for us." Callen knew she would be doing everything she could right now for him.
"You care about her," Alex stated simply. Again she was right. He did care about Hetty and he felt a slight pang in his heart at what she must be going through right now.
"No one's given me a chance like she did. She helped me find my feet after you died. I guess you could say she saved me from myself. Stopped me from following you." Callen might not have wanted or appreciated it at the time, but without Hetty's firm hand, he wouldn't have survived that dark place he had crept into. After he was out of it though, he had thanked Hetty.
Alex stopped them this time and he turned to her.
She looked up at him, her eyes and tone desperate for him to believe and understand what she was about to say. "G, you have a family. They are waiting for you to come back to them. They want you to fight. You aren't alone back there. You haven't been alone for a long time."
"I want to be with you, Alex. I don't want to let you go again." Callen held her face in his hands as he spoke, his tone almost as desperate as hers.
"You don't have to. I will always be watching over you." Alex paused and placed her hand on his heart. "Always be here with you. When the time is right, I'll be waiting to take you home." She smiled at him, though her eyes were still filled with tears. Callen felt them in his, too.
He didn't know if he could leave her, didn't think he had the strength to walk away, back to a life without her. She spoke before he could find the words he wanted to say.
"I'll always love you, G. But there are others who love you, too. Who need you to live. Your choice, G. Go back and live. Remember me, remember the love we shared. Let me go and, maybe, find someone else to share your life, someone else to love. Go back to your family. Or, don't."
"You don't want me to stay?"
Alex shook her head. "I want you to live. You have the choice, G. To fight... To live… To love. I didn't. It was too quick. If I'd had the choice, I'd have fought." The tears she had been holding back escaped her eyes. Again, Callen brushed them away gently.
It didn't seem fair. Here he was, getting to choose, when he'd been filled with five bullets, but she didn't get the chance and it had only been one.
"Why? Why isn't it time? It wasn't your time either," Callen asked.
"No, perhaps it wasn't. But not everyone gets the chance to choose."
"But you aren't there to go back to." He wanted to stay with her, but he now found himself wondering about going back. Wondering about his team and how they were doing.
"But they are. Listen, hear them." Alex she slipped her arms around him, rested her head on his chest, just above his heart and holded him close. Callen closed his eyes and tried, not that he really knew what to do. Then he heard them. Sam, Kensi, Hetty. Even Nate and Eric. Callen could feel the pull on his heart, could feel that they were hurting. He opened his eyes and looked down at her, stroking her hair. How could he leave her, how could he let her go voluntarily?
Alex looked up at him. "I'll always be here. And when it's the right time, I will be so happy to see you again," she reassured him.
"How do I go back?"
She reached for his hand and turned them to walk away from the water.
"Just keep walking. You'll find your way," Alex said, as they got to where the sand joined the grass and a path that led away. She stopped. He turned to look at her.
"You're not coming any farther, are you?" She shook her head.
"That path is just for you." Her voice soft but happy, though there was still a small touch of sadness to it.
"Will I remember this?" Callen hoped he would. Hoped he would remember that she was waiting for him, for when the time was right.
"I don't know. Maybe you will. Maybe you'll just feel it. I love you, G. One day I will see you again."
"I love you, too." Callen reached down and kissed her goodbye. He stepped away and she put her fingers to her lips, a gentle smile on her face. She looked at him, tears filling her eyes once again.
"Bye," Alex whispered.
Callen couldn't say anything. He was afraid if he did, he'd change his mind and stay. She was right. He had a family calling to him. She said she would always be with him. He hoped he'd remember that too. So instead of saying anything, he smiled at her, turned away and started walking along the path. If he remembered this part, he would remember that it was the hardest choice he'd ever had to make.
"G," Alex called out to him. He turned and looked back at her.
"Never liked the no cops rule," she said.
He smiled. He'd broken it for her, but after she died, it got reinstated.
"Ditch it?"
Alex smiled back. "Could be a good idea. Think about it."
Callen's hand went to his chest as he started to feel pain and he looked down. It was starting to hurt to breathe. He looked back to her, but she was gone. Keep walking, that's what he had to do. He turned and continued to walk along the path and as things started to fade, he heard her voice.
"I'm always with you, my love."
He smiled and everything went black.
XXXX
The heart monitor started beeping again, a steady rhythmic beat.
"Got him back." The team all breathed a sigh of relief.
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A/N - Any Opinions? Thanks for reading.