It's Enough.
Chapter 1
Not enough. He was not enough. The first, the only, person in the world that he absolutely, totally loved, thought he wasn't enough. How do you deal with that? He knelt on the floor, eyes closed, remembering. This was where they had lain, on this very spot only days earlier. The love between them so strong it took his breath away. He had given Syed every opportunity to leave. Had even told him to go. But Syed hadn't. He had stayed. Stayed here with him, in spite of the family waiting for him back home. Was he wrong to have taken that as a promise? Didn't that perfect moment mean anything to Syed? Obviously, not enough. He was not enough. God.
He opened his eyes to the emptiness. How could Syed understand him so little, that he could suggest an affair? Did he really think that Christian had so little self-respect that he would sit around at home waiting until Syed felt like giving him some attention? The crumbs from his table. Was that really all he was worth? He should have gone. The moment he found out about the baby, he should have packed his bags and left. He should never have allowed Syed to sway him with empty words. He got up, wandering into the bedroom. He stared at the wall, seeing the words he knew lay beneath. What if everyone could see them? What would Syed do then? How would he wriggle out of that one?
Abruptly angry, he strode forward, reaching for the corner of the paper, then stopped. Oh god, what was he doing? What had Syed driven him to? This wasn't him. But then, he hadn't been himself for so long. Hiding in his flat. hiding his love. Hiding himself. He had allowed Syed to shove him back in the closet. Well, no more. He needed to reclaim his soul. But he couldn't do it here. Not with Syed playing happy families across the square. Because as long as he stayed here, it would never be over. He knew Syed. He'd be back, telling Christian that he loved him, but he had to understand, he couldn't abandon Amira and his baby. Not now, anyway. And he would give in. He knew himself, too, and he knew he could never resist Syed.
So, he couldn't stay. Not now. It scared him, what he had so nearly done. What he still wanted to do. Syed would never make a decision, so it was up to him to make one for the both of them. This had to end. It was enough now.