Disclaimer: Not mine.
Author's Note: This is totally unbeta'd so please be kind if you review.
To him this is just another example of why "normal" will never apply to him and Scully. Only to them would the act of trying to conceive a child precede the act of making love and still make some strange sort of sense. Tonight they have learned that they have failed in their attempts to conceive and he tells her to never give up on miracles. They spend the night crying and allow themselves to talk about what-ifs.
"If we had had a girl I would have wanted to name her Samantha Melissa – after our sisters," she quietly says into his cotton shirt. "And maybe William Fox if it was a boy."
"We would have gotten a dog when the kid was old enough and I would have taught him or her how to throw the perfect curve ball," he tells her as he strokes her hair. "You would be a good mother."
"And you would be a good father."
He lets himself believe her.
*
"The water turned into blood," Scully tells him as she changes the bandages on his head. He had asked her to tell him about Africa and so she does.
"I read somewhere that blood and amniotic fluid have the same chemical structure as seawater. Maybe that's why people feel the most alive when they're by the sea, Scully?"
"So we're all made of stars and seawater, Mulder?"
"We could be," he replies thoughtfully. "Does this mean that you believe now, Scully?"
"Maybe."
*
He always thought that if he ever gathered up enough courage to kiss Scully things would go one of two ways: she would either punch him and demand a transfer or beg him to ravish her and have his way with her against a wall.
In hindsight he should have known better.
He finally kissed her a little over an hour and half ago and she is sitting at her computer typing away at a case report Skinner won't need for three days.
"Scully, it's almost two in the morning on New Year's Day and you are probably the only agent in the Bureau working and not drunk or passed out."
"Look who's talking."
Mulder rests his head against the arm of her couch and gives her his most charming smile. "I am neither drunk nor passed out because I, as of forty-five minutes ago, am doped up on pain killers."
Rising out of her chair she gives her a smile in return. "Which is why I am completely sober – so that someone can make sure that you don't do something stupid like scratch your stitches open or sleep on a tiny sofa."
"You wanna share the bed?" he asks hopefully.
"Well, it's not the first time it's happened," she tells him, pulling him off of the couch with his good hand, "and it won't be the last."
*
At first she doesn't know what to think when Mulder sits down beside her in Mass. She wonders why he's suddenly there and if he followed her from home. However, she stops questioning his presence when he takes her hand during Father McCue's sermon. Looking down at their joined hands Scully recalls how her parents would do the same. She remembers how her mother would rest her head on Ahab's shoulder and seemingly draw strength from him and the words surrounding them.
Suddenly, as Mulder begins to absentmindedly draw circles on her palm, the reason for his presence occurs to her. Last week they buried his mother and held a small memorial for his sister. She is the closest thing he has to family now and it gives her a sense of relief in knowing that he feels comfortable enough with her to simply join her in worship.
There are times during the service where he is seems a little lost and there is a slight air of awkwardness around him when she gets up to take communion. Despite it, though, she finds that there is a new air of calm around him too, one that seems to have followed him from California. She decides that peace looks good on him.
"So, does this mean that you believe now, Mulder?" she asks him half-jokingly as they walk out of the church hand in hand.
"Maybe."
*
Mulder is watching her unpack from her road trip with the devil. He hasn't left her side since she came back and he has only just started to look her in the eye again. He's beginning to forgive her.
"So, does this mean we're even now?" he asks her.
"Even?"
"For all of the times that I have ditched you in the past –"
"It's not all about you, Mulder."
"I know that."
"Then why did you do it all of those times before?"
"To protect you!" he finally tells her. "I know that you can protect yourself. It's just that…I can't risk losing you. Not again. You're all I have left now, Scully."
As she watches him sit on her bed and look at her as if she could vanish right before his eyes, she recalls Spender's words to her and makes a decision.
"Then let's make a deal," she says, "I promise to not voluntarily disappear on you if you agree to not ditch me again. If you feel like you need to chase a lead on your own then at least give me the courtesy of knowing where you're going so that, if something happens, I know where to find you."
Reaching over her duffel bag, Mulder takes her hand and looks her in the eye. "Okay."
As he draws circles and lines along her wrist Scully feels as if they've reached a milestone of some kind.
*
"Is this our first date?" Mulder asks her.
They're driving down Sunset Boulevard in the back of a limo trying to figure out how they're going to max out their newly acquired Bureau credit card.
"I thought that you teaching me how to hit a baseball was our first date."
"Oh." He thinks for a moment. "So, is this our second date?"
"Mulder, why are you so preoccupied by how many dates we may or may not have had?"
"Because I'm trying to figure out how we should spend our evening, Scully. We're together now. Together-together. An official couple. I thought that, maybe, we could treat this like a date. I know how much you like to do normal stuff and going out on dates is what normal couples do."
Scully smiles and tells their driver to take them back to their hotel.
"Dating is what people do in order to get to know each other; to see if they are compatible and wish to continue a relationship with one another. We already know each other, Mulder," she explains as they walk through the hotel lobby and into the elevator. "Besides, I thought that we could treat this like a vacation – a weekend away where we could order the most expensive food on the room service menu and never leave our bed."
Walking through the hotel room door he captures her lips with his and, with a grin, says "I knew I kept you around for a reason."
*
She's watching Mulder pack for his return trip to Oregon and is having flashbacks to her father. She doesn't want to dwell on what that could possibly mean because she has got too much on her mind as it is.
"Did you make your doctor's appointment?" he asks her.
"Yes. I go in tomorrow afternoon."
"And you'll call when – "
"- When he tells me that I'm okay."
He smiles hopefully and silently prays that she's right.
"Skinner should be here in a few minutes," she says. "I can't believe I got him to go with you."
"Are you kidding, Scully? The man's just as devoted to you as I am."
She shakes her head in genuine disbelief. "Just promise me that you'll be safe and that you won't do anything crazy."
"I promise."
He rests his forehead against hers and they breathe each other deep.
Later, he's in a crowd, surrounded by light. He sees an unwanted face and thinks that he should have known better.
Later still, she's sitting in a hospital, feeling like she could light up the Sun. The Lone Gunmen walk in, their faces drawn and frightened, and her world shatters.