Preface
"Mom, don't!" I screamed seeing her nose drop so it looked like she was sniffing the yellowed dresser. Only, I knew better, she wasn't . . . She was doing drugs . . . again.
She had been missing for 2 weeks this time, and yesterday we decided to finally go looking for her. Other than to see if she was dead yet, my brother and I didn't take much notice to her, it was the same way for her. As long as we stayed out of her way, she stayed out of our lives. If you ask me if I had a bad mother, I would've said I could've had worse.
She looked straight at me, staring into my eyes. Then I got the message, she's been gone this long because she wants to die, she's looking for a way to die. The drug she was snorting was most likely the strongest she could find. And knowing all of drugs, thanks to her, I knew that it was what she called seventh heaven. Either that or acid – but that is injected, isn't it?
My feet froze, as well as the rest of my body. I couldn't speak, couldn't yell out. This was her choice, she made the decision. She would just try again, and again. She always gets what she wants. Always.
I looked away, I hated her, but that doesn't mean I could see my own mother kill herself. I nodded discreetly, knowing she would see and she wouldn't be saved. I would act as if I wasn't here in time. I would make one more lie for her. For me, to be able to live with myself.
To be able to love myself, as well as other people.