Author-Becky
Fandom and Pairing: Fringe Olivia Dunham and Astrid Farnsworth
Disclaimer: I soooo don't own the TV show Fringe or any of its characters
Rated: M for later chapters
Warnings: This seems a bit stupid to me but I suppose if you're a homophobic idiot you deserve to be warned that this is about lesbians. Spoilers through season three.
They were lounging on opposite ends of the small sofa in Astrid's apartment, both relaxed and enjoying another 'movie night', as Olivia had come to think of these evenings. It was strange but these were the times when she felt most at home in her rightful dimension again. She and Astrid had previously enjoyed an easy working relationship. She had always felt at ease with the other woman in the occasional casual social setting they sometimes found themselves in, being the only two people that were truly trusted by the Bishop men who were almost certainly the key to saving their universe. But before her return she had never really had occasion to spend much time alone with the junior agent.
She had only seen Astrid's apartment once when they had taken Peter and Walter out for dinner and they had all had a little too much to drink. She had obviously been embarrassed at how much more intoxicated she had become than the taller woman even though they drank the same amount, and had tried to argue she could get a cab herself, and certainly make her own way home. Olivia who was also a bit woozy would hear nothing of it though; she had talked Astrid into coming out with them in the first place and felt responsible for her.
She not only shared the cab back to the smaller woman's apartment but insisted on walking her upstairs, helping her strip down to her under things and tucking her in. Astrid had pretty much passed out upon her head hitting the pillow. Knowing the hangover that was waiting for younger agent in the morning Olivia had found some aspirin and placed the bottle and a tall glass of water on her night stand.
She remembered thinking how adorable and sweet the diminutive woman looked as she snored lightly curled up in tight ball, she had been unable to resist leaning down and giving her a light little peck on her temple, as she often did when she was putting Ella to bed. That's when she heard Astrid's barely audible murmur of 'ove you Livia'. Returning to the cab that she had waiting with the meter running she had tried to laugh it off as the booze talking but still had a warm fuzzy feeling as she climbed into her own bed and fell asleep replaying the sweet endearment in her mind.
They had started these casual little get togethers a few months ago when Olivia had returned from the other dimension. She was already overwhelmed with fatigue and stress from the sheer nightmare of her time being trapped in the strange other world so much like her own and yet mind bogglingly different, where everything and everyone made her question her very sanity. She had expected finally getting home to be a perfect all encompassing relief, not just for herself, but also for those who must have been going out of their own minds with worry for her. To say she was shocked to find that she had not even been missed would have been the understatement of the century. Upon discovering that the home she left behind, her family, co-workers…Peter had all been fooled by the alternate version of herself who had completely insinuated herself into Olivia's life, made the agent physically ill.
It was creepy enough to think about the other 'her 'living in her apartment, greeting neighbors and other casual acquaintances. The idea of the imposter spending time with her family left her truly unnerved. It was more than just a little unsettling that Racheal, who knew her better than anyone else, had been fooled by her doppelganger. She had been mortified to find that during her alternate's time here she had been very thorough in sticking to Olivia's normal routine including the occasional sleepovers she had with Ella. Her innocent young niece who meant more to her than anyone or anything else in the world left alone with that-that woman made her skin crawl. Knowing that because of her, because of her dangerous crazy job the little girl was left alone and defenseless with her alternate self, made her heart ache with guilt.
She was positive with all of this she had endured all one mind could possibly be expected to, only to learn of Peter's-infidelity? No, Indiscretion? No it wasn't even that. After even the smallest amount of time to rationally consider the reality of the situation, she recognized he had not stood a chance against the other woman who was her total duplicate in every way. In fact even if he had sought comfort in an entirely different woman in her absence, there would have been no betrayal as they had never actually verbally declared what they were feeling for one another in so many words. He was a single man with no obligation to her. That of course did nothing to quell the almost unbearable ache in her chest at the thought of him making love to her doppelganger while she was desperately clinging to the image of him her mind had created as a lifeline on the other side. That imagined representation of Peter Bishop having been a large part of her incentive to not give up altogether on the hope of ever returning home.
After a couple of days of the leave that Broils had ordered her to take, she was disturbingly close to succumbing to the inhuman pressure that seemed to just keep building. She had scrubbed down every surface in her home, washed every inch material down to the curtains and furniture upholstery, thrown away a great deal of her wardrobe and then done it all over again.
On the third evening she had been eyeing the bottle of sleeping pills the doctor had prescribed that had thus far been useless, even though she had already at least doubled the recommended dosage more than once in an effort to reach the sweet oblivion of sleep. She was wondering how much she could take without risking overdosing when she found herself grinning goofily, as she tried to decide if that wasn't such a bad idea. The term 'ignorance is bliss' suddenly came to mind as she pondered the resulting brain damage from such an OD and covered her mouth to stifle the giggles that bubbled up from somewhere deep in her gut that sounded insane even to her own ears.
The knock had come at a very fortuitous time. When she thought back to that moment she liked to think that she would not have actually been capable of such a thing. Olivia Dunham was many things; emotionally unavailable, socially inept, and prone to morbidity. What she wasn't, what she had never been…was a quitter. God knew she had tolerated more than your average person could even fathom in her short life, but throughout, giving up had never even occurred to her. Shaking her head to clear the hazy fog that had settled in sometime yesterday after going longer than she imagined possible without sleep, she stood up on shaky legs and made her way over to the front door.
Met with Astrid's kind and concerned face she had finally and fully broken down. She felt herself crumbling right there in her doorway without any power to stop it. All of her strength seemed to seep right out of every pore in her body. She remembered the younger woman rushing in to throw her arms around her holding her up and quickly helping her over to the nearby sofa.
Olivia had cried for longer than she could remember doing since her mom died. Astrid was perfect, just holding her and rocking her whispering soothing words into her hair. She didn't question her on what was wrong, because…well, she knew. She didn't try to tell her everything would be fine or offer her any silly platitudes on what didn't kill her or building character through trying times. What she did do was wait patiently for Olivia's gut wrenching sobs to subside.
When the blonde eventually managed to catch her breath she was mortified that she had fallen apart in front of a co-worker, and it then occurred to her, a friend. She stammered apologies and humiliated excuses at her outburst which were met with a deep disapproving frown and a command to hush. Astrid had bitterly muttered something about the rubber room she would be currently be occupying if she had been made to endure a fraction of what the other woman had recently been through. Astrid felt as if she could fly when she saw the small shy smile grace that beautiful face and the knowledge that she had put it there.
The diminutive FBI special agent meant what she said about the rubber room. She was not especially adept at handling the day to day worries of real life. When her mind was left to do too much thinking on what would, could or even might happen in the everyday world, in her world she was prone to panic attacks and extreme bouts of depression. She had known for what seemed like forever that she was intensely oversensitive, her feelings were hurt at the drop of a hat or she would become irrationally upset with some current state of affairs that could hardly be helped. When she was battling these demons she went one of two ways. She would close herself off as much as possible from anything outside of her safe little bubble or she would rush out headlong into the nearest turmoil she could find to replace her unfounded anxieties with those of others.
Ironically however she had always been remarkable under pressure. She had always been complimented on her ability to deal with a crisis. The first time she remembered was in sixth grade, she had actually talked two older boys that virtually dwarfed Astrid out of a fist fight. The teacher who had been hurrying to intervene had actually hung back when she saw the amazing scene unfolding before her. Much to young Astrid's chagrin, she had actually phoned Mrs. Farnsworth with high praise for her daughter's astonishing diplomatic abilities.
The teacher hadn't meant to cause trouble for her, but nevertheless that phone call had put her in a world of misery for nearly a week before her mother seemed to forget about it and move on. Momma had always adamantly warned her to stay as far away from the notice of others as possible, "if they didn't see you-they wouldn't go after you," was the paranoid schizophrenic's simple reasoning.
Since then she had officially been celebrated four times for keeping a level head in an extreme situation. Once at university when she had virtually single handedly derailed an impending riot between peace activists and ROTC students. The other three were commendations given in the line of duty by the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Astrid wanted nothing more than to help her to bed, seeing the sheer exhaustion that the blonde was clearly experiencing. She wanted to hold her and make everything alright. At the suggestion Olivia had begun to tremble again, shaking her head and all but begging the darker woman to get her out of there, take her for a drink, a meal, a walk, anything that involved her escape from her apartment that represented too much pain right now.
Astrid squeezed her hand and told her to sit tight for a moment. She quickly made her way into the bedroom and efficiently packed up a bag for the older agent before coming back out carrying some running shoes she found in the back of her closet. She knelt down at Olivia's feet and carefully eased her feet into the shoes before lacing them up tightly and smiling up at the other woman confidently.
"So what say we get outta here?" she asked standing up and extending her hand to take Olivia's.
Olivia couldn't believe how overwhelmed she was with relief at the feel of the surprisingly strong tiny hand taking her own and helping her up. When Astrid through the strap of the duffle over her shoulder and turned to lead her out of the apartment she was surprised when Olivia stopped short. Holding her hand tightly effectively stopping the smaller woman in her tracks. "Astrid?"
Astrid turned to meet the other agent's eyes with concern. "What is it?"
"I just wanted to say…" Olivia began before faltering.
Astrid gave her a shy smile and nodded meaningfully knowing what Olivia had meant even if she couldn't find the words before they continued toward the front door.