Paranoia

A/N: another story. Yay! (Or not) Yuuki is seventeen, but all of that tra-la-la with Rido and Shizuka Hiou didn't happen and Yuuki is a human. She's still her klutzy, ditzy, adorable self, but I added a new dimension of her. I hope you like it. *looks up at paragraph* . . . Wow, I kinda sound like my Spanish teacher. I should try writing dialect – I mean 'dialek'. So, like, allyuh, enjoy de story and review, rite! (That's dialect where I come from – I won't say where that is)

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight. Matsuri Hino does. Speaking of which, has anyone read the manga lately? It's so – GAHHHH! It's meh . . . Anyway, on with the story.

I don't really like Sara Shirabuki.

It's not because I'm jealous of those shimmering golden waves or her cornflower blue eyes – no, I like my red – brown eyes and the thick black lashes that fringe them. When I was sixteen, I decided to let my hair grow out, and the thick, chocolate-coloured locks now lap at the middle of my back. Even if I'm not getting any dates, I still think that I look good. I realized that only person whose opinion matters is me.

I wish I'd known that sooner. It would have saved a lot of tears, among other things, really. I brush my bangs out of my face and shift my weight onto my right leg. I'm up on the balcony, watching the night class students leave the main building. Kaname is with them. The dark – haired pureblood raises his eyes to me.

Six months ago, I would have blushed and run away. I would have felt . . . well, I don't know what it was, but it felt nice. Now, though, things were different.

Yes, I was very grateful that Kaname saved my life twelve years ago. But six months ago, on my seventeenth birthday, I realized that something was off and decided that I would find out what it was. So, I'd made an effort, and down what I almost never do. I sat down in a quiet spot after class, and pondered and wondered thought. And it was then that I realized how little I knew about Kaname, and how much he knew about me but refused to tell. I realized how secretive how he is, and that it is infuriating. But my rage never lived past a few minutes, because he would give me that look and my heart would flutter. Or he would give me one of his small, rare smiles and I would melt.

It seemed like bribery to me, so determined to see things as they really me, I vowed not to let Kaname and his little touches cloud my mind. I would focus and look at things as they really were. I learnt a few things.

I learnt that I really needed to help poor Zero – not by giving him blood, but by helping him overcome his thirst and practice self – restraint. I realized that Kaname's 'look' intimidated me more than it excited me. I learnt that I really didn't have any ties to him and I finally thought to myself, 'Why was I so obsessed with him all these years?' I still don't have an answer to that question, but I know that I don't need him and, frankly, I don't want him anymore.

I would go on, but Sara just exited the main building. I can see her shimmering golden head in the silvery moonlight.

So I don't hate her. But I don't like her much either. She's a deceptive snake, but, then again . . . I feel like I'm one sometimes, as well. I always try my best to help people and be nice to them. I try to say nice things, even if my thoughts are exactly opposite to the swill coming out of my mouth. I help people even when I really don't want to and I realize that I help people even when I really don't want to. I hate this filth that's inside of me, yet, it feels so natural. Is this the real me, or is it just changes that come with age? Things aren't as innocent as they once were. When I had pondered that day, my seventeenth birthday, I'd felt awful for doubting and not trusting these people who'd helped me all my life.

But Sara showed me that every thought and suspicion I'd had was correct. She had arrived here the day after my birthday and confirmed all of the things in my mind.

I see Sara walking down the path. Her golden head is unmistakable, not a hair out of place. I need to talk to her again. I just need to know, so I jump to the nearest tree, snatch a branch and drop to the dusty earth in front of her. She drops. "You're like a little kitten, Yuuki," she giggles in her lyrical voice. "Amazing reflexes."

"Shirabuki – sama, what was it that you were saying about . . ." I let my voice trail off, not daring to say Kaname's name out of fear that someone would hear it. I didn't trust any of those vampires, and I knew that Sara should be no exception. But, for some reason, I believe her. I want to go to Zero for advice, but he would never let this continue. So, for the time being, I need to keep this between the two of us. I want to hear what she has to say, even if I don't trust or like her.

"You don't waste time, do you?" she asks, smiling. "So different, from that shy, insecure little girl at the soiree. I sensed your presence, you know. I could smell that sweet blood, even from where I was standing."

I almost snort, but I control myself. Because, honestly, I am so fed up of hearing these vampires go on and on about blood. Yes, I understand that they crave it and need it to survive, and that it has much more meaning to them than to me, but, really? Do they have to go on about it all the time? It's not that I'm squeamish – it's just annoying!

"Hm. Well, I would tell you, but everything has ears these days, you know. And . . . I'm bored. Why don't we have a little duel, and, if you win, I'll tell you everything. We can fight right here."

"Fighting is against the rules," I say, feeling a tiny inkling of anger fester in my stomach. This is why I want to leave this place. This is why I'm working extra hard at my academics, to make sure I can get into a good college far away from her. The thought of leaving Headmaster Cross and Zero brings up a surge of guilt, but I don't like it here. All of these secrets and vampire politics have a very big role here, I've noticed. I hate politics. So I'll leave Zero and Headmaster Cross when I can. I'll come back to visit though. They've done a lot for me. Kaname has too – he saved my life. But he said so himself, "It was ten years ago. It's in the past." Yes, it is in the past.

Now is the present and I have my future to think of too. And if there's something dangerous and off about him, I want to know what it is.

"Shirabuki – sama, please tell me about Kaname –sama," I say, trying to be as respectful as I can manage.

"I wonder . . ." she sang, shifting her weight to her right leg.

"Shirabuki – sama, I came here to get answers and I will get them. Now," I state.

For a few seconds, she just stares at me. Then she laughs out loud, and it rings high in the air like a crow's call and it's so unlike gentle, ladylike Sara, but there's something about it that I like. She fixes her cornflower blue eyes on me, and they're unreadable. "You know, Yuuki, we girls should stick together. Especially since there are so many vampires who want us for our blood."

That's what she said.

Translation: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

"You know , Yuuki. You're faithless," she says. "Look at all that the man has done for you and this is how you repay him? By listening to rumours about him?"

For a moment, I'm alarmed. I wonder if this was her plan all along, to make me look bad in front of Kaname by making me seem ungrateful.

No, no. My intuition tells me that something is off and I'm listening to it. If a serial killer or a rapist saved your life, would you be thankful, or would you shun them? I don't know how to answer that question.

"You want your fight?" I sigh, realizing that trying to reason with her is useless. "Fine." I draw Artemis and bring the silver rod to its full length. I take a deep breath, like I was taught, and got into position. Feet shoulder – width apart, knees slightly bent so I could move in any direction at any time. Then I point my weapon at the blonde and strengthen my resolve as best as I can.

Sara does not disappoint. She laughs, this time it sounds like the tinkling of tiny silver bells. In the next second, she's gone. It takes me a few seconds to process what happened, but I swing Artemis in a wide circle behind me, expecting her to attack me from behind or the side.

An unseen force pelts me to the ground, knocking the air from my lungs. My elbow stings because I used it to break my fall but I get up quickly. I want answers and I will get them tonight. Sara is standing a few feet away, looking perfectly coiffed as usual.

"I'll go easy on you, and not use my powers. And it would be unfair in any case so –" She doesn't finish, instead lunging at my throat and when I hit the ground for only the second time, I realize that – that . . .

"You're . . ." trying to kill me. She wants this fight so she can kill me and it will look like an accident. She can say anything she wants about how it started, but when it boils down to it, she 'went too hard on me' or 'used too much power without realizing it.'

Is that what she wants? Or am I just being paranoid?

. . . Isn't paranoia sometimes one of the effects of having blood taken by a vampire? What's going on with me? And why are Sara's fangs out? What's going –

That's the last thing I remember, the next day. "You look terrible," Zero deadpans when he sees me in class that morning.

All I can manage is a sigh because I'm so tired. Regret can take a lot of you. I regret confronting Sara last night . Curiosity killed the cat, didn't it? And I'm the kitten. Maybe I should just leave it alone. I may never get any closure and the not – knowing will kill me for sure, but I don't think I can take much more of it.

I wonder if Zero knows what happened last night. Probably not. He would have already destroyed the place.

Class hasn't started yet, so I rest my head on the desk and try to a get a few minutes' sleep. It doesn't happen. Or does it? At this point, I'm not quite sure about anything. The talking pickle that sounds like Yori says that I'm delirious. The pickle and this albino rat that walks on its hind legs take me to the nurse where I sleep for the rest of the day. In the back of my mind, I know that this has something to do with Sara. Oh, this is such a mess. One year, Yuuki, just one more year here, and then you can leave and you won't have to deal with this again. It's not that simple though, is it?

At around four o' clock, Aidou and Akatsuki show up at my bedside. "Hey, Cross!" Aidou shouts and the nurse shoots him the dirtiest look I've ever seen. "Kaname –sama wants you to meet him by the fountain."

Meet him? Am I in trouble because of last night. Sara's most likely already told him her version of the story. This isn't good, but I trudge behind the two vampires anyway, rubbing sleep from eyes. I think some of the Day Class girls are glaring at me, but I can't be sure.

I hear the rushing water of the fountain before I see it. Kaname is already there, standing in the falling sunlight. Doesn't that hurt his eyes?

He turns around, smiles at me. "Yuuki," he says.

I force a small smile back at him. "Hello," is all I manage.

"How are you feeling? I heard that you got sick this morning . . . and I know what happened last night."

If he thinks i'm not feeling well, why did he bring me all the way out here?

I brace myself for anything he decides to throw at me. I'm prepared for everything – except that profound sorrow that fills his eyes. It hurts more than any scolding would have. I feel as though I've betrayed him, and, not for the first time, I feel very guilty about how I've become. And Kaname, for the first time, looks so pitiful to me. He's like a little kicked puppy.

But I can't do anything for him. Not now anyway. I need to sort me out first. I need to fix this mess inside my head before I deal with anything else. Kaname is giving me this look but I'm not paying attention to him anymore. I think I told him that I was leaving but I don't know. I need to fix me. I need to find out how and why I've become this Yuuki – if there is a how and why – then I need to go back to the way I was. This wasn't the real me?

Was it?

Oh Hell, I'll just go ask Sara. I ask her about everything else anyway. The 'not trusting her' thing doesn't quite work out, despite how hard I try.

But first, a donut. I'm hungry.

A/N: Sorry if it sucks. You can flame if you want. Reviews are greatly appreciated and so is constructive criticism.