"If you love until it hurts, then there can be no more hurt. Only more love." ~Mother Teresa
Dean yawned and wandered into the spare room at Bobby's that had essentially become "his." It had been a long, confusing, jacked-up day and he was ready to get some sleep. His body was exhausted but his mind was restless. He was not only mulling over the fact Ellen and Jo had been alive again, but what Balthazar had said. Those words had been echoing throughout his mind ever since they'd been spoken.
"Sorry, you seem to have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you."
He'd just been joking, right? He hadn't actually meant Cas was in love with him? There was no way Cas loved him, no way an angel could ever love some scum of the Earth demon hunter like himself. Not that he wanted Cas to love him…not at all. Nope. Not a bit. Then again, could he really continue lying to Cas about how he truly felt? Could he continue lying to himself? Too many questions and not enough energy to answer a single one of them.
Yet another thing he didn't have the energy for was a certain trench coat wearing angel, but that angel was sitting on the edge of his bed when he walked in and turned on the light. However, in spite of his fatigue, part of him was glad to see Cas. They'd formed a bond while stopping the Apocalypse, but after the war in Heaven started, he'd begun seeing his angel - the angel, his mind corrected - less and less.
"Hello, Dean," came the standard greeting.
"Hey Cas."
"I am sorry for intruding. I'm sure you are tired and would like to get some rest."
That was true, but Dean wasn't passing up the opportunity to see Cas. Normally the angel was engrossed in a celestial battle, and though Dean was surprised to see him taking some time off, he certainly wasn't complaining. The hunter walked over and sat down next to Castiel, worriedly noting the dark circles ringing his azure eyes.
"The war's been a bitch, huh?"
"It has relented somewhat since Balthazar gave me his alliance. The weapons have proved useful."
Dean couldn't keep the bitterness from his voice when he asked, "You and Balthazar seem to be pretty damn close these days."
Castiel didn't miss the harsh tone. "He is my friend. One of the few I have left."
"Some friend you've got there. He changed history because he didn't like a chick flick. I mean c'mon, what the hell?"
The haggard angel was silent, so Dean's mind once more reverted to Balthazar's earlier words. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you. Briefly abandoning his ever present mask of denial, he genuinely pondered them. What reason would the blond angel have to lie about something like that? He didn't trust Balthazar as far as he could throw him, but the words had been spoken so casually and flippantly that Dean actually started wondering if maybe they were true.
"Speaking of Balthazar…he said something earlier."
"What?"
"He said that you were, um…" Unbelievable. Dean Winchester was losing his nerve. Surely that was impossible, or at least he'd thought it to be. Finally, he murmured, "He said that you were in love with me."
Castiel was staring at the floor as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world, so Dean continued.
"Is that true?"
He raised his eyes to meet Dean's. "I never saw reason to tell you. Naïve I am, but even I knew that you could never reciprocate my feelings."
Dean swallowed. Cas had just confirmed what was both his greatest hope and his worst fear. He took a deep breath, his mind working overtime to process the new information it had just been given. Castiel, Angel of the Lord, was in love with him. And Dean Winchester, womanizing demon hunter and undisputed king of witty remarks, after years of fervent denial…finally realized he felt the same way.
"Obviously you don't know much about humans, but here's a tidbit. It's customary to tell someone when you're in love with them."
"I know you only form attachments to humans of the female gender. Telling you how I felt would only result in things becoming awkward between us. Ever since the war started, the only place I have found solace is by your side. I couldn't bear to lose that."
"You'll never lose me, Cas."
The words caused the angel to turn and look at him. Those primarily closed off blue eyes were more open and exposed then Dean had ever seen them. Both of them knew that this moment was a turning point. It could be the start of something beautiful, something special, or it could unravel and leave behind a tangle of loose, frayed emotions to be pieced back together. It wasn't until Dean spoke that they knew in which direction it would go.
"What I'm trying to say, is that…I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you too."
They needed no words. No reasons. Nothing but a few moments to let the truth hang in the air. It was one thing for both parties to know the truth, and another for it to actually be spoken aloud. For several moments, in the void of silence left by lack of words, they simply stared at each other like the world had stopped turning, six billion people were frozen, and they were the only two souls in the entire universe.
Dean still didn't speak. Instead, he slowly inched forwards, laying a tentative hand on the side of Castiel's neck and drawing him closer. The angel complied without a second of hesitation and they were soon so close that they could see nothing but the other's eyes. Dizziness washed over the hunter as the color of sapphire filled his vision. He closed his eyes, letting the color fade to black as a warmth mouth touched his.
After thirty years of being straight, you would think kissing another male would feel foreign to him. On the contrary, it was like coming home, like being completed after years of having a gap he didn't know existed. His arms wrapped around his angel - his mind needn't correct the possessive term now - and sunk so deep into the embrace that it was as if he would never be released.
Castiel's arms encircled Dean's waist, and the latter threaded his fingers through his lover's dark, messy hair. They now had something that no one could touch. Something stronger than Balthazar's weapons, something more powerful than the force of Heaven and the war currently being fought there. Something that claimed every inch of them and pulled them under a current of raw, unadulterated emotion.
They had each other.