A/N: This one shot came to me in a dream. I have no plans of expanding it. It may be ooc.
LAST WARNING: CONTAINS TRIGGERS OF SELF HARM AND GUILT. IF THIS AFFECTS YOU DO NOT READ. YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
Jane held her hands together trying to hide them from the world. Ever since Hoyt attacked her she couldn't form a connection with her hands. Her ma didn't understand and Maura tried to help where she could. She would massage them when they got tense or hold her when she cried. Sweet Maura helped Jane through it all. Maura's hands were soft and feminine yet strong while her own hands were misshapen and ugly. She sighed and reached for a beer.
Three weeks later Maura Isles heard Jane talking to her mother. She wasn't sure what they were arguing about in Jane's kitchen but she heard Jane say, "Ma you don't understand can you just ignore them."
"Ignore them, you can barely grip anything. You have to go to a therapist." Angela said.
"Ma I can't. The only person I trust to touch them is Maura."
"Then have Maura look at them. It's been two years Jane. He isn't coming back."
"I know it's just you don't know what it's like. No one does. Not even Maura." Jane said. Maura's face dropped. She told Jane she had to feed Bass and left without Jane noticing her tears.
Maura ignored Jane for the entire week after that. Jane became suspicious one day and asked Angela to look at Maura. Maura lied and told her she was stressed about the case. Angela bought that and dropped it.
Maura thought about what Jane had said. She had seen the stab wounds and knew about how the muscles were damaged but Jane was right she didn't know what it was like… but maybe she could.
Locking the door to her house she grabbed the bottle of whiskey she kept for moments like this. She also grabbed her medical bag and pulled what she wanted out of it. She sat on the couch and smirked. Jane was right she didn't know what it was like to have her hands deformed but she was about to find out. The bottle was ¼ of the way full. She downed it in a couple chugs and then threw it against the wall where it shattered.
With the liquid courage coursing through her she took the scalpel and impaled it into the center of her hand. It hurt but didn't satisfy her so she moved it deeper and dragged it in both directions cutting her entire palm. This way she could feel Jane's pain and then some. She removed it and repeated her actions on her other hand. She looked at the blood flowing out of her hands and lay down on the couch.
Jane arrived at Maura's to see the door was locked. She knocked but didn't get a response so she unlocked the door with the key Maura gave her. She froze in place when she entered.
A large red spot was on the floor near the end of the couch. In the corner a pile of glass shards rested. Jane ran to Maura who was unconscious, blood gushing from her hands. A scalpel red with blood was on the table. She called 911 and held her friend crying.
"Why Maura?" Jane said into the empty room.
A few minutes later an ambulance arrived and took Maura away. Jane couldn't go with Maura so she stayed behind. She knew Maura hadn't lost enough blood to die. She called her mother who was out and had her come over. She was so confused, why did Maura do that? Was Maura harming and Jane not pick up on it? Was this a cry for help?
Angela arrived and Jane explained what happened. Angela hugged her and went to get them a drink when she saw a piece of paper on the top of the fridge. She grabbed it and saw it was addressed to Jane. She handed it to Jane and Jane opened it. All it said was 10 words.
To Jane,
Now I know what it is like.
-Maura