I'm looking at him across the room, my gaze hot and heavy. I don't have to ask if he's alright, because I can smell it - the bitter, cold autumn leaves on the ground covered with ice. Maybe the bitterness comes from his skin, maybe I am mixing it up with the always-present brimstone. But something's telling me I'm not. Not a single sound or move from where I stand, but his tail jerks to the side and he turns his head sideways, a mere second before I decide to leave.
- Logan?
I freeze in the doorway. "Fuck" is the only exclamation running through my head. Aw Elf.. why now? I don't fucking know a thing 'bout comfort. The best I can do is give a slap on the shoulder and tell 'em to man up.
- Yeah? - might as well lean back against the door frame.
- I..I didn't see you, Entschuldigung. Did you want someth'in?
- Nah, just came by to say 'ello, but I think I caught'ya in the wrong moment.
- Oh..it's..it's quite alright. Sit down?
A quick glance on his perfectly made bed with blue satin sheets. I have to swallow a snort. Blue, really?
- Don't think 's a good idea, Elf. I'm not the one you want to see right now.
- But here you are, and I see you quite well, if my eyes are not tricking me. - he smiles. It's a small one, I can barely see the tips of his fangs.
- Doesn't matter. Not staying, Blue.
He quirks an eyebrow, and his smile begins to fade. Yeah-yeah, I know I said m'leaving, and yet I'm still standing here, not having moved an inch.
I'm always lying to myself, ain't I...?
- Logan..
I like the way he draws out my name. Slow, deep, but not careful. He is not seeing an animal, merely.. his friend. And he seems to be at a loss, or like he's trying to think through what he's 'bout to say.
I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest.
- Just spit it, Elf.
He shakes his head and I start feeling annoyance creeping in.
But then the stench of bitterness strengthens, and now I know it wasn't the brimstone I smelt earlier. 'Cause this one is..different.
A loud BAMF! and a purple cloud of smoke left in his trail. The next thing I know, he's standing behind me, outside his room, and he's holding me across the waist, body pressed flushed to mine. I shudder, and he lets out a long, shaking breath.
Fuck. I was supposed to be the one comforting him, not the other way 'round. Fucking hell, I don't even need comforting, HE fucking needs it! Come on, just look at him!
My eyelids drop down, and there's a warm rumble deep in my chest.
Somehow, all I'm saying to myself is bullshit.
And still..
Elf, I don't get you. When you're broken and you can't find any condolences in your beliefs, you.. You go and comfort the others.
This is the way you cope, isn't it? You make others feel better, warm. Needed. And then you find some sort of purpose, right?
I find myself sighing as well.
I think you're a total idiot, Blue.
And.. And I'm sorry, because I can't be there for you when you need me, can I? It's you who's always there, and I'm taking it silently, never showing how much I actually need it.
- Nightcrawler?
- M?
- ...never'mind, - Another heavy sigh. - What'd you say we go and grab a pack, huh?