High clouds scudded quickly through the sky, playing peek-a-boo with the hard, bright stars. Milena wrapped her fur cloak tighter around her shoulders. Even the Taint wasn't enough to keep her really warm during a winter night in the Frostbacks, but she couldn't bear the thought of anything between herself and the sky tonight, even if it was the thin canvas of their tents. She had just spent two of the worst months of her life fighting Darkspawn in the Deep Roads under Orzimmar, and the sight of the open sky was a balm to her soul even as her body shivered in the night.
Vartio lay at her side, nose tucked against his flank. He raised his head and let out a quiet woof before laying down again. "Zev," she said by way of greeting but not looking down from the sky. "What are you doing up? I said I'd take watch tonight. You should be in your tent."
"It's cold," he replied. She didn't know if he meant the night or the tent without her. "Shale said she would take watch, so that the squishy creatures would not freeze solid in the night." He paused, then squatted down behind her. His hands slid over her shoulders, and she could feel how the mountain night was stealing the warmth from his hands. "Come to bed, my dearest Warden."
"I can't, Zev," she whispered. "I swore an oath when I was down there." She hadn't spoken of it to him before. It was a private thing between herself and her gods, and she was afraid he would scoff if she spoke it aloud.
"An oath to freeze to death on a mountain side?" he questioned. His hands moved her hair to the side and she felt his lips ghost over her neck. Even his lips were cool tonight. He was from Antiva, and even after over a year in Ferelden, the cold was harder on him than on any others in their party.
"I won't freeze. The cold is a small price to pay." The moon was a waxing sliver high overhead. Its light wasn't enough to overwhelm the stars, and in the cold, stark night, they shined cold and hard in their infinite beauty, more stars than she'd ever seen before in the lowlands.
Zevran sighed and moved to sit next to her. He burrowed into his cloak until only his nose and eyes peeked out. "Then I will stay with you," he said.
"Zev, it's too cold for you. Go back to the tent. I'll be fine." He was obviously miserable, and she felt guilty for dragging him out here, then she reminded herself that he had made that choice.
"Ah, I may not have the Taint, but I have my love to keep me warm, mi amora," he said playfully. Unfortunately, the effect was ruined by the uncontrollable shiver in his voice. "Tell me the real reason you forsake our bed tonight, cara," he asked.
The wind picked up slightly, twisting through the tall pines and tossing light snow up in the air where it glittered in the starlight as it danced in the wind. Milena relaxed and let the cold wind pass through her, accepting the drop in temperature. Beside her, Zevran shivered again. Milena dropped a hand to Vartio and nudged him gently. He looked up at her, then over at Zevran. He woofed and padded over to fall heavily against the Antivan's side. She missed the hound's warmth keenly for a moment, but then her body equalized to the temperature. Zevran made no sound, but she felt him relax fractionally as the mabari's warmth began to soak into him.
"You won't understand." Not bitter, just stating a fact.
He huffed in annoyance. "I certainly won't understand if you don't tell me, cara. Even your brother Warden is secure in his tent tonight, sharing his body heat with our lovely bard to keep her warm. And I would rather freeze by your side than bundle with Oghren or Sten. Although if I thought I could convince Wynn to let me cuddle into her magnificent bosom, I would consider stopping by her tent. No, my dear Warden, you are stuck with me tonight." He leaned further into her. "Talk to me, mi dulce. Tell me what disturbs your thoughts tonight."
"You grew up in Antiva, Zevran. Tell me about the city. Is it like Denerim?"
He snorted in denial. "Hardly. Denerim is a muddy collection of hovels and dull grey stone beside a miserably plain port. The entire city stinks of dogs, fish, and filth. Antiva, though...Cara, I so want to show it to you someday. In Antiva there are delights for all your senses everywhere you look. The people are clothed in bright colors of so many different styles as each tries to outdo the other. There are spices in the food you have never experienced that make your tongue sing in delight. Even such delicious dishes as our lovely Chantry sister prepares would be put to shame by the simplest street food there. Every night the plazas come alive with colored lanterns, music, and dancing as everyone comes out to enjoy the coolness of the evening. Everywhere is movement. It is glorious chaos. It is a thief's paradise. The buildings are made from wood, painted white and decorated with murals. Or else the finer ones are made from sandstone that glitters gold in the noonday sun."
She smiled. "It sounds glorious. But does it not have any dark places?"
He chuckled ominously. "Of course, my glorious Warden. The Crows may nest high, but they hunt low. Antiva is criss crossed with sewers and trade tunnels. Some are even clean and well-traveled and host bazaars in the hottest part of the summer as everything moves into the shadows. But there are others you only venture into if you have friends at your back or are forced into by the direst necessity."
"But you are used to them, are you not?" she persisted.
"Of course. A Crow may spend days, even weeks, in darkness in the pursuit of a contract. We must be comfortable wherever we are. Even if it's freezing to death on a forsaken southern mountain," he sighed mournfully.
"You see, you are comfortable even when you are hemmed in by stone and darkness. I am not, Zevran," she whispered. "I am Dalish. We listen to the wind, talk to the forest, sleep on the moss. We move with the rhythms of the seasons. But in the Deep Roads, all that was cut off. I was buried in darkness and stone with the weight of a mountain crushing me down. I thought I would never see the stars again. I vowed to the gods that if I ever got out of the Deep Roads I would spend my first night above ground naked to the stars."
"But it would be so much more pleasant, not to mention warmer, if you were naked with me," he purred in her ear.
"Zev, please! I'm serious."
"So am I, my lovely." There was more than a bit of grousing in his tone, but he moved back and hunched deeper into his blanket.
The silence between them held a long time while Milena studied the stars. "I have a favor to ask you, Zevran."
"For you, anyth..." His eyes widened as she quickly put her hand over his mouth.
"No, listen first. This is no small thing I ask." He nodded as she took her hand away and shifted to face him. "First I must ask a smaller favor. What I will tell you is a Warden secret, so it cannot go beyond you. Do you agree?" She waited for his nod. "The Taint grows ever stronger in Wardens, year by year. Eventually, it becomes too much until the Warden is driven mad by the thoughts of the darkspawn, and the Warden goes to the Deep Roads, there to fight the darkspawn unending until they die." She shuddered, not seeing the flicker of distress and unease in Zevran's golden eyes. "I do not want to die like that, Zevran. I don't want to chance being dragged off and transformed into a broodmother. I want to die in the open, facing the sky as is proper for the Dalish."
She reached out to grasp his hand in both of hers and pleaded to him, "Please, Zevran, if you have any kindness in your heart for me, do not let me go there."
His hand tightened on hers until he felt the tiny bones move, but she didn't notice. "How long, cara? How long?" he grated out.
"Twenty, thirty years. No more." The nearly eternal lives of elves were a thing of legend now, but it was still a mere fraction of what either of them could expect, barring misfortune.
"Ah, no, mi amora. It is too soon," he mourned.
She answered with resignation in her voice. "It is unlikely that I shall have to face that fate in any event. There is still the archdemon to face down. But it would ease my heart if I knew that I had your promise, Zevran." She looked at him hopefully.
He met her gaze, his amber eyes filled with sadness. "I have no intention of leaving your side, heart of mine. But what you ask..."
"From what I understand of the end, of the Calling, Zevran, it would be a kindness."
He hunched over her hand, holding it against his forehead. She had a feeling it was to hide the hurt and pain he was feeling. She had long since grown accustomed to the idea of the Calling, and it brought no more than a faint sense of regret for what might have been. Instead, she was hopeful for the first time that there might be a peaceful way to avoid the Deep Roads, but she knew it would cost her love dearly.
Finally he brought her hand to his lips and kissed each knuckle softly, sensuously laving each crease between her fingers with his tongue. "If I agree to do this for you," he asked in a soft voice, "will you come back to our tent?"
"You ask a very small price for your favor," she remarked.
"Not just for tonight, cara. For all nights. Stay with me for as long as we have, and in return, I promise I shall stay with you until the end and give you the release you ask for." His eyes glittered in the starlight, tiny pricks of light reflecting glints of gold and silver.
She nodded her assent and stood, bringing the Antivan to his feet with her. The gods had more things to worry about than the fate of one Dalish elf, and she needed Zevran as much as he needed her.
Hand in hand, they walked back to their tent. The canvas cut her off from the stars, but the golden warmth of the sun was in her lover's skin, his touch searing the cold from her. When they came together, it was in a rhythm as old as life itself, and the crushing weight of the last two months finally dropped away under his touch.
As she lay under the furs and encircled in his arms, she felt a sense of peace that had eluded her most her life. The archdemon was still out there, but for now, she had her friends, her mabari, and most importantly, the love of the man who had come to mean everything to her.
Cover art by by the talented Smilka, who did it as a commission for Wazubababi, both over on DeviantArt. Thanks to both for allowing me to use this as the cover art, because I think it perfectly conveys the feelings in the story.