Chapter 1
"Hello everyone," said a small pink pokemon with an uncanny grin plastered on his face," this is your host Mew. Yep i'm back bitches, also your co- host Mewtwo, back with a brand new season of Total Pokémon World Tour. Say hi to the fans Mewtwo." Mew said into a walkie-talkie
"Shut up you pink prick, they don't give a monkeys about us just start the damn show," Mewtwo growled.
"So like last season, the producers have given us another plane due to from last season, someone blowing one up," mewtwo began to shiver at the memory of the exploding plane, "but a new plane for this season. Behold the S.S Mew." Mew said to the camera, before screaming into his walkie-talkie for Mewtwo to bring the plane out.
The walkie-talkie started to shake turbulently as the voice of Mewtwo was heard cursing Mew through the walkie-talkies. "Censors," Mew shouted and began to shout down the little radio "PG show Mewtwo, what the fuck don't you get about that." Realizing what he just said, Mew awkwardly turned towards the camera, with an innocent smile on his face.
"Can we just refresh that, or cut this scene out," mew pleaded to the cameramen. "Nope this is all live." Mew sighed. His blushes were then spared by Mewtwo bringing out the plane out in front of the camera.
Suddenly, at the sight of the plane, the little carnation pink pokemon's eyes began to light up with glee, like a little kid on Christmas. "Now, behold the S.S Mew!"
"S.S is for ships you dummy," shouted mewtwo from the walkie-talkie once more.
"you said that last season but I still don't give a shit," mew retorted.
"Ah screw this, lets just meet the contestants." mew said with another sigh. "um mewtwo, how are the contestants supposed to come in again..." Mew enquired into the wallkie talkie. He was met by radio silence.
Suddenly a pokemon dropped right out of the sky in front of the camera, Mew stepped back quickly to avoid the falling pokemon. Mew looked up to the sky to see a Staraptor chortling with laughter as he flew off.
"Great, so they are coming here by Staraptor." Mew muttered to himself.
"Now who the hell are you, ugly," Mew asked to the fallen pokemon who was picking himself up off the floor.
The pokemon was big and burly with two big horns coming out at the top of his head.
"Pinsir," he growled before launching himself at Mew.
"Mewtwo!" Mew screamed into the walkie-talkie as the pokemon began to headbutt Mew.
"Go fuck yourself Mew," said Mewtwo on the plane, clearly not giving a damn about a gigantic bug ripping apart his co host.
"Where's that payrise I wanted," mewtwo said, now next to the two fighting.
"Fine," Mew said out of desperation, as now he was pinned against the plane, "Just get this ugly fucker away from me."
"Hey!"
Mewtwo sighed as he used his telekinesis to pull the two apart and sent the big bug flying into the turf.
"And that is our first contestant," mew said, his colour returning,"Pinsir."
"Moving on," Mew said brightly, "Here is our second contestant, Lickitung." A big pink coloured pokemon dropped out of the sky and like Pinsir had an unfortunate landing. The pokemon was sprawled over the floor with its elongated tongue sticking out. Mew snickered as he restrained himself from stepping on the tongue.
"Next one is... Aimpom." A purple monkey dropped out of the sky and unlike the other two, landed on his feet. He had a look of mischief, one that could rival Mew's evil challenge face. The monkey bounced towards Mew as if interested in the little pink Pokémon, then suddenly sprang pulled mew's tail hard and scampered away to the boxes leaving a very pissed off Mew standing in front of the camera, even more pink than before.
Before Mew could swear at the monkey a blue blob fell out of the sky near mew. Mew stepped back to avoid the fallen blob. Mew looked down at the Pokémon who weakly said "Wobbuffect," before passing out. Mew then used his telekinesis to move the fainted Pokémon next to the rest of the Pokémon.
"Sweet Arceus," Mew swore, "these guys are falling like flies." with that sentence, a Pokémon resembling a big green mosquito fell in front of Mew. His name was Yamna.
Then a Staraptor pulled up with two Pokémon on it's back. It then gave a cry before taking to the skies once more. In its wake, were two pokemon who clearly did not know where the hell they were. They were Slowpoke and psyduck. The Psyduck gave one look at the camera and then passed out.
"Moving on," Mew said loudly, "here are our next contestants." He swore loudly as 5 Pokémon began to plummet out of the sky like meteors. Mew immediately teleported away from the bombing and swore loudly. The Pokémon that landed were Nidoran, a purple dog-rabbit; Torkoal, a tortoise with smoke coming out of his ears; Pupitar, a silver rock; Vigoroth, a crazy monkey and Lairon who resembled something that came out of a nightmare which farted too violently.
Then after that, a blue-yellow wolf called Manectric landed, and smiled in front of the camera before trotting off.
Abosl, Liepard and Zoura arrived after Manectric, as the dark type pokemon appeared to come together.
Next was a Zangoose and Seviper who both were fighting each other on the Staraptor. Even on land, they continued and had to be broken up by a disgruntled Mewtwo.
After Mewtwo broke up the fight, Mew screamed into the walkie talkie, that they were running out of time and needed to send the rest in. So on his cue, well, 1 Pokémon dropped out the sky swearing at Mew.
The Pokémon were: Meowth, Tangela, Lanturn, Flaaffy, Lombre, Shiftry, Medicham, Glalie, Vespiquen, Lucario, Croagunk, Boldore, Krokorok, Jellicent and Banette. At the sight of Banette, Mewtwo began to go berserk. He launched himself at a cursing Banette who was scrambling the fuck out of the way.
000
Banette stared at the camera for a second before breaking out into laughter. "Why is the confessional in the bathroom again, how perverted can Mew get?"
The two were separated by Krokorok and Medicham who both struggled to contain the squirming Pokémon. "You, you said that," Mewtwo bellowed while pointing at a shaken up Banette "wouldn't be here for this season." Mew gave his famous evil smile, "Well I guess I lied." Mewtwo swore loudly.
000
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Mewtwo screamed inside the confessional. "Any one but him."
Mew now had a big megaphone in which he used to get the contestant's attention. "So you all know that we have to split you into two teams, to make things easier for me because I'm crap at math, you would be split up randomly. Mewtwo, sort them out."
After a lot of fussing about teams, and a few punches dealt out by Mewtwo, the two teams were assembled.
The teams were named the Asshole Azelfs and the Maniac Mespirts.
Mewtwo groaned loudly, "What's your beef with those two this time."
"Lawsuits, lots of them," Mew replied, "Hence the names."
Ok the teams are:
Asshole Azelfs:
"Nidoran!"
"Meowth!"
"Slowpoke!"
"Lickitung!"
"Tangela!"
"Flaaffy!"
"Pinsir!"
"Lanturn!"
"Aimpom!"
"Wobbuffect!"
"Pupitar!"
"Swoobat!"
"Krokorok!"
"Zorua!"
"Jellicent!"
"And now the Maniac Mespirts", Mew began
"Torkoak!"
"Zangoose!"
"Seviper!" At the name Seviper, Zangoose launched himself furiously at the snake again.
Mew paused and asked the camera to focus on the fight, with a gleeful look on his face.
"Lawsuits, lots of them," Torkoal said plainly.
Mew gulped and broke the two fighting Pokémon apart
"Moving on, Banette!"
"This team automatically loses," Mewtwo shouted.
"Shut up Mewtwo," Mew retorted, "The producers forced us from doing that, remember."
"Glalie!"
"Vespiquen!"
"Lucario!"
"Croagunk! Boy you are an ugly fucker." Mew began "Hey!" a furious Croagunk retorted
"Absol!"
"Liepard!"
"Psyfuck! Sorry Psyduck."
"Yamna"
"Shifty!" The Pokémon went over to Banette, whispered something in his ear then pointed at a very angry Mewtwo. Banette then started laughing manically.
"Why you little..." Mewtwo began
"Census!" Mew screamed. "PG show! What part don't you understand? Sweet Arceus Mewtwo."
"Moving on," a very pissed Mew said, "Vigoroth, yes you monkey boy."
"Medicham!"
"Manectric!"
"That's it folks, now those are the teams. See you next time for another episode of TOTAL POKEMON WORLD TOUR!"