The ceremony in Dalaran could not have gone more smoothly. And Lothar didn't know whether to be relieved or concerned.
Three days ago, Khadgar had been made Guardian of Azeroth by the Kirin Tor. So far, Lothar hadn't seen any major changes in him. Lothar hadn't really known what to expect…he knew Khadgar wouldn't be reckless enough to reveal his corruption in front of the dignitaries of Azeroth, but neither would he have predicted things would return to normal afterwards. Or rather, as normal as things could be, with Khadgar corrupted by the Fel. No, they'd both returned to their regular duties, fighting to save Azeroth by day and secretly spending their nights together in the regent king's bed.
Just as they had before they'd killed Medivh.
But Khadgar had definitely changed. Lothar wondered if the younger man had always possessed the ruthless streak he now showed so readily; if he had, his conscience had probably kept it in check. Other people put it down to the stress of the war against the orcs, but Lothar knew better, even if he was powerless to warn anyone about the new Guardian's corruption.
Even so, most of the time the younger man didn't act any differently than he'd been before the Fel. Not like Medivh, who'd had memory lapses and numerous incidents when he couldn't control his temper…as well as when he'd literally turned into a demon. Khadgar still seemed very much in control of himself, even though he was now more ruthless and self-serving than he'd been in the past. The orcs who'd been unlucky enough to cross their path on their journey back to Stormwind had learned this the hard way, with Khadgar raining fire down upon them. The mage had expanded his spell range considerably, adding the powers of fire and frost to the arcane abilities he normally wielded.
The fire spells seemed particularly harsh, even to Lothar. They didn't give quick, clean deaths like an arcane bolt or a well-placed arrow or blade. But Lothar assumed that the smell of charred orc flesh would discourage any more attacks on their way home.
"I want them to fear us," Khadgar explained. "I want them to think twice about ever coming near anyone from the Alliance again."
Lothar nodded grimly, knowing Khadgar was right. It just hurt to see the younger man so coldhearted, so calculating. There was a time when thoughts like these never would have crossed Khadgar's mind.
Khadgar had changed. It was glaringly obvious to Lothar, even though no-one else could see it. And the worst part of it all was that, even with the changes, Lothar could still see the man Khadgar had been. He could only pray that he could somehow get through to the mage, convince him to give up the Fel and go back to how he used to be.
If that was even possible.
"Don't look so sad, Anduin," Khadgar said, coming up behind Lothar that night and wrapping his arms around him. He kissed the older man's bare shoulder. "Things are only going to get better now that I'm the Guardian. Easier, for both of us. I'm not like Medivh. You'll see."
Even Fel-corrupted, Khadgar never seemed bothered when Lothar spoke his mind. No matter what he said or did, not even when the mage had first revealed his corruption to Lothar and had nearly gotten a blade through his heart in response. And even afterwards – when Lothar found he couldn't harm Khadgar because of whatever spell the mage had placed on him – Khadgar had listened calmly to his cursing and his threats with nothing more than a disappointed look on his face. Khadgar had said then that he still wanted only the truth from Lothar, Fel or no Fel.
Lothar rested a hand over Khadgar's and sighed wearily, speaking the truth the mage had requested all those months ago. "I just wish everything was normal again."
Khadgar rested his forehead against Lothar's back, and there was the faintest trace of regret when he spoke again. "So do I."
Lothar turned around and gazed at him pleadingly. "It can be. You can end this. Renounce the Fel, purge it from yourself like you did with Medivh, and we can go back to living our regular lives."
He shook his head. "I can't do that."
"Why not? Are you that addicted to all the power you have now, 'Guardian'?" Lothar was frustrated, and right now he wanted Khadgar to know it.
"It's not like that," he insisted.
"You were the Novitiate for how long before you left the Kirin Tor? You trained for this for years. You really expect me to believe that you never wanted this?"
Khadgar's brow furrowed. "Oh, it's true. I've thought about becoming the Guardian every day since Medivh's death. I desired it…I've yearned for Gul'dan and his Horde to cringe before the fury I would unleash on them." He actually looked distressed now. "But that's not the reason I took the Fel, or the Guardianship."
"You keep saying that, but you never tell me why," Lothar shot back.
"I needed them both." Khadgar's voice had taken on a hard edge.
"You 'needed' the Fel, and you 'needed' the powers of the Guardian too. The Guardianship I can see, but the Fel? Why? Why take that into yourself when you know what it can do, when you've seen what it did to Medivh? How could you do this to yourself?"
"I had to."
"You didn't have to do anything, Khadgar."
"It was necessary."
"We can beat the orcs without the Fel—"
"I know that."
"—and using it makes us no better than they are!"
The green fire flared angrily in Khadgar's eyes. "I did it to save you!" Then, seemingly shocked by his own admission, he flinched away from Lothar's incredulous stare.
"What do you mean?" he demanded. Khadgar shrank back almost fearfully, but Lothar grabbed his shoulders. He couldn't hurt Khadgar, but he could still hold him in place. "You tell me exactly what you meant," he said, his voice a low growl.
"Anduin, please…I shouldn't have said anything, you shouldn't have to deal with this, I wanted to spare you—"
"If I was in any way involved with your decision to accept the Fel, then I damn well deserve to know why!"
Khadgar closed his eyes, then nodded wearily in defeat. "All right. But only because I can't bear the way you look at me now…maybe if you know the truth, you'll stop looking at me like I'm some kind of monster."
Lothar continued to glare at him for another few seconds. Then his expression softened, and he squeezed Khadgar's shoulders briefly before releasing him. "Thank you."
Khadgar gazed at him solemnly. "I'll have to show you."
"Show me?" Lothar repeated, as he felt Khadgar's control – what he'd likened to an iron band around his mind – shift, just slightly. "What do you have to show—"