A/N: I don't own Downton Abbey or any of these characters. This is a one-shot (maybe more) of something I've been thinking about for a while since the Christmas Special. I hope you like it. Feel free to review. It would be very welcome.

Happy Again

August 1922

It had been almost a year she thought. Almost a year, but some days, it felt like it was only yesterday. Mary could see herself still, frozen in shock when Robert broke the news. She must have sat silent for minutes. It felt like hours – like days.

The first days were the worst, but she had to stay strong for herself and for her son. It's what Matthew would have wanted. He would have wanted her to go on and have a life, but how could she ever have a life without him in it? No. She had to. Maybe it wouldn't be the life she had wanted but maybe she was never meant to have what she wanted. Perhaps she didn't deserve to be as happy as she was with him again.

Today, Mary was on one of her many trips to the cemetery. It had become something that became a ritual. She came nearly every day when it first happened, but now her visits had become less frequent. She didn't come less of her own volition – Cora had insisted she stop going so much. She had a son that needed her to be with him, not with his father who didn't need her anymore. As much as she hated Cora for saying it, she knew she was right. So now she went once or twice a week, but not a day went by when she didn't think of him.

When Mary arrived at Matthew's plain grave, she knelt in front of it like she always did. She thought it was very plain indeed, but that's what Matthew would have wanted. He never wanted anything extravagant. She set down the small bunch of flowers she had found and picked on the way there.

Sometimes when Mary came, she just said everything that came to mind, but today was one of the times when she had no words. She just wanted to be there, where she felt close to him. She felt close to him in so few places. Here and whenever she was with their son, she felt close to him. She saw Matthew in his eyes. Every time she looked into George's beautiful, icy blue eyes, she could feel Matthew looking back at her.

Mary knelt there for a while when she noticed a figure a distance away, a figure that she immediately recognized. He still came often too, even though it had been twice as long as it was for her. He still looked as if he had had the stuffing knocked out of him like she did.

Sometimes, she felt horrible for being grateful that she had someone close that knew exactly what she was going through, but she was. She was glad she had someone who missed their loved one as much as she missed Matthew.

They had grown quite close since Matthew had died, even closer than they had become after Sybil passed. They understood each other. No one else could understand how they felt, no matter how hard they tried to. No one else had had to endure losing their spouse so young. And just like Mama and Isobel had commiserated over losing their children, she and Tom bonded over losing who they lost.

Whether it was when they watched Sybbie and George play together in the nursery or found themselves secluded in the corner of the drawing room after dinner, they knew what they shared. The grief they shared was not just the shared grief for a spouse, but the grief she felt for her sister and he for his brother-in-law. Unlike with anyone else, they didn't have to talk about it to know how the other felt.

Mary could see him notice she was there too and he began to walk over. When he reached where she knelt, he hesitated.

"I don't want to interrupt," Tom said quietly.

"Oh, I don't mind. I've been here wallowing for long enough," Mary responded and brought herself upright. She paused and smiled as she said, "I didn't know you were coming here today. We could have walked down together."

"Well, it's not exactly something someone wants company for," he said as he shifted on his feet.

"Oh, of course, nor is it something that somebody wants to take part in," Mary spoke.

"This is why it's nice to have someone who has to do for themselves," he said with a feared smile. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it has been nice having someone who knows what I am going through." He waited for her to respond.

Mary thought for a moment before she responded, "I don't mind you saying it. I feel the same. I can only imagine how hard it was for you the first year when you didn't have anyone that understood the situation. I don't know if I could have done it without having you there." She immediately regretted saying that. It's not how she wanted it to come out.

Tom looked at her questioningly, as if he was processing what she said in his mind. Finally, he said, "I'm glad I could be of help. You must know that you've been the same to me. Of all the people up in that house, you are the only one who I don't have to put on an act with."

Mary smiled. She was glad he felt the same way about her that she did about him. "Thank you for saying that. No one understands how hard this is." She could feel herself begin to choke up, but she pushed the feeling away and continued, "I'm so glad we have each other."

"So am I. C'mon, let's go. We have to rush back if we're going to be there in time for the dressing gong," Tom said, trying to change the subject.

"It's funny to think about you worrying about changing for dinner," Mary said with a laugh.

"I suppose it is, but I've changed," Tom said as he looked off into the distance, knowing he has changed in many more ways than just his dressing habits.

"You have and so have I," Mary responded as they began to take their leave.

As they walked side by side on the way back in silence, she couldn't help but think that she had changed. A year ago, Mary couldn't have dreamed that she could have changed so much, but a year had come and gone and she could appreciate that she truly had. She wasn't the young wife that had loved Matthew so absolutely anymore. She was the young mother who didn't want to be miserable for the rest of her life. She knew she could never love anyone like she loved Matthew. Mary didn't want that kind of love with anyone else, but maybe she could have a different kind of love – a love with someone who understood her.

If anyone understood her, it was Tom. He had meant so much to her over the past months and she knew now that he felt the same about her. So perhaps they could be there for each other in the years to come and be there for their children. She didn't know what would happen in the future, only that she wanted to try to be happy again and maybe Tom could help her feel that way once more.

After all, Matthew would want her to try to be happy and maybe she did truly deserve it.