Wednesday, April 1, 1992

This is not an April Fool's joke. Tony has a job offer, in Idaho! I mean Iowa.

He came home yesterday from a stressful day as Driver's Ed teacher at Stonecreek Community College. He graduated in the Spring, a quarter earlier than he originally planned. But it turned out he should've applied for teaching jobs weeks ago. This was the first acceptance he got, but it's been hard on him.

I had a surprise for him though, a letter from Wells Junior College. I didn't even look at the state on the envelope, since I knew Tony would never have applied for any school out of the area. I showed him the letter when he got home, but he had me open it because he's become so discouraged.

They want him as not only a History teacher but as a baseball coach. Unfortunately, they're in Branford, Iowa. His counselor recommended him for the job, and Tony was tempted, but of course it's so far away.

Then I went downstairs just now for a midnight snack, and Tony was reading about Iowa in the encyclopedia. I could see how torn he was. I didn't want him to regret not at least checking it out. So we talked it over and he agreed that we'll go this weekend. The interview's on Friday, and we'll take the whole family, make it a little vacation.

And now I'm sitting here eating Tony's lasagna, cold, the way I like it best. And wondering if I was right to encourage him in this. It's always been a struggle for me, to know when to push him to pursue his dreams. I thought he should take that job in the Education Department in Washington, D.C., years ago, but I was relieved when he decided to stay here. And now? I just don't know. But I don't want him to have any regrets.

I haven't kept a diary in years, but tonight I wanted to jot down my thoughts. Are we at a crossroads, or will things go on as they were?

Saturday, April 4

Well, the family has gone back to Connecticut, without us. We didn't plan this, but Tony and I were talking so long about his future that we missed the plane.

The campus, all of Branford, Iowa really, is just lovely. And Dr. Graham offered Tony a position as associate professor. But Tony was willing to sacrifice everything, for the two of us. I couldn't live with that on my conscience. It's only for a year and I think we can make it work long-distance.

By the time I convinced him, the plane left without us, and with Mother and the kids. And the next flight wasn't for another 24 hours. I asked Tony what he wanted to do in Iowa and he said get a picnic basket and a bottle of wine, and watch the sun set over a corn field. He's so romantic!

And, yes, that's what we did last night. It was lovely, except for the flies.

While I was shopping for the picnic and extending our hotel reservations, Tony called Dr. Graham to let him know he'd reconsidered. He'd told me, "With my luck, it'll have been snapped up in the last couple hours." But the position was still waiting for him if he wanted it, and he did. Does.

So, a year. And we're supposed to get married in May. Tony is now talking about a Christmas wedding, but I don't see how we can have the big wedding he wants if we're in two different states. And then where would we live afterwards? Maybe we'll have to wait till next Summer!

Or maybe we'll just end up eloping, like he did with Marie. All I know is I want to be with him, and I've waited a long time for it. But I am going to have to wait awhile longer.

And, yes, that means other things are going to have to wait. I'll admit, it hasn't been easy dating someone who lives in my house and not, well, taking things to their natural conclusion. But Tony has been stubborn about not having sex with me before we're married. Oh, stubborn's not the right word, I know. It's sweet and old-fashioned, and it will make our wedding night very special. It's just, well, now I have to wait even longer.

Perhaps it will be easier, when he's not sleeping down the hall from me. Last night we had separate bedrooms, like we did the night before, but then I was sharing a room with Mother, and Tony was sharing with Jonathan. I envied the newlyweds having a room to themselves. I'm happy for Sam, but sometimes I feel cheated of my own wedding, overshadowed by hers.

I did suggest to Tony that we share a room last night, but he said, "Angela, we've waited this long. We can wait a little longer."

So we just kissed and cuddled at the picnic. It was lovely, but, yes, I want more.

Thursday, May 14

This is the day that Tony and I were supposed to get married, but all our plans have been postponed indefinitely. Instead, we've been planning for Tony's big move to Idaho, I mean Iowa.

His teaching year will start with the Summer quarter, June 1st. We've agreed we'll drive out on the Thursday before and I'll help him get settled in over the weekend. And then I'll fly back on Sunday and we'll begin our long-distance relationship.

All day at work, I kept wishing he'd show up in a tux with a bouquet of pink roses and whisk me away to elope. I know it would throw his plans into chaos, and it would be even harder to do our LDR if we were married, but I couldn't help wishing.

Instead, we'll have the romance of long hellos and goodbyes at airports.

Monday, June 1st

Tony's apartment is charming! Dr. Graham found him a one-bedroom, and the living room has a fireplace and a lovely view.

Yes, one bedroom. And Tony, you guessed it, slept on the couch. "Angela, you're my guest, I'm not gonna make you sleep on the couch!" Sometimes I wonder if he's just playing dumb.

He has a former Miss Iowa named Candy as his secretary, but I was relieved to discover that her title was won in 1948, and she's not as well preserved as Mother.

While she and Dr. Graham were helping him settle in on campus, I did a lot of unpacking for Tony, helping to make the apartment more like a home away from home. I looked forward to dinner out and alone, but he spent most of the weekend reviewing videotapes of his team.

But there will be other weekends. We hoped to get together in three weeks, but the weekend of the 20th is Alumni Weekend. He didn't even give me a romantic goodbye at the airport, because he was haggling over changing his plane ticket to the weekend of the 27th.

Thursday, June 4th

Damn, I missed a call from Tony tonight. I went out to a party with Mr. Henderson. Mother had called me in Ida—Iowa, saying that we were about to lose the account, but I wooed him back and he loves the new campaign. And, yes, I let him escort me to a party, completely platonically, despite Mother's teasing. Yes, Mark Henderson is good-looking, but he's no Tony.

Friday, June 5th

Tony called again and luckily I was able to answer it. We talked about how much we already miss each other after less than a week. The next two weeks are going to be hard, but we're trying to look forward to our reunion. Yes, he's coming on the 20th after all, but he'll leave on the 21st, so that he'll be there for half of Alumni Weekend.

He's doing well. He's got some great students and his team won their first game yesterday. And he loves his apartment, "but it's missing something."

I knew exactly what he meant, because this house is missing something, too.

Monday, June 22

So much for our romantic reunion. Tony arrived with stomach flu and managed to infect all of us but Hank, who says he hardly ever gets sick. So now Hank is looking after not only his sick wife but his "in-laws," me, Jonathan, and Mother. As Mother put it, "Ain't love grand?"

I couldn't kiss Tony goodbye when he had to rush off to the airport, because I didn't want us passing the flu back and forth to each other. And now I'm stuck in this house with three other grumpy, sick people, and I know I'll fall behind at work.

Monday, June 29

Another rotten un-romantic weekend. The airport lost my luggage, I had to somehow work on my most important accounts without the layouts, and Tony has become a Country & Western fan!

Tony and I fought the whole weekend and didn't make up till we were at the airport. But we'll try again in two weeks.

Saturday, July 4

Mother's mumble-somethingth birthday. It wasn't as much fun without Tony at the BBQ grill, although Hank did his best. Too bad he's accident-prone. All things considered, I think it's good that he gave up being pre-med. The worse job-related injury he has now is getting tangled in marionette strings.

"Angela, I just realized," Sam whispered to me, as Hank dowsed the grill's inferno with lemonade, "I've married Mason. He's taller and cuter, but he's Mason, isn't he? Smart, adorable, clumsy."

"Yeah, but he's Mason with a butt you could bounce a quarter off of," chimed in Mother, who'd been eavesdropping.

"Mona! He's practically your step-grandson-in-law!"

I just shook my head, remembering the harmless ogling Mother has done of her future son-in-law since before I met him.

Saturday, July 11

Alone in Tony's apartment. As in, without Tony. With the encouragement of Candy and Mother respectively, Tony and I decided to pay surprise visits to each other this weekend. I just missed him at the airport.

So I went to his place. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Check into a hotel? His landlord knows me from my previous visits and he let me in, but he said, "Hey, Mrs. Bower, you know Mr. Micelli isn't around this weekend."

"Yes, I figured that out."

I called Tony tonight from his Iowa bed, and he took the hallway extension to his Connecticut bed, one hour later there.

"I wish you were here," I said, meaning Iowa.

"Yeah, me, too. Or you were here."

"Just down the hall from you?"

"No, Angela, I mean here. Right next to me."

"In your bed?" I said in a shocked whisper, although no one could hear me of course.

His voice was quiet, aware that Mother and Jonathan weren't too far away. "Well, yeah. Although your bed is bigger of course."

"Tony!"

"Well, you know, if this job were more local, I'd be in your bed right now. We'd have been married almost two months, still honeymooners."

"Yes."

"Um, Angela, I've been giving this some thought and would you like to—?"

"Yes!" I cried, before I even knew what he was suggesting. If he wanted to meet halfway (which I guess would be Cleveland), to either elope or spend a night of passion together, I would've jumped at the chance.

"Ay, let me finish here."

"Sorry. Go ahead."

"Well, this is going against everything I was brought up to believe, but would you like to—Well, it's not as if we haven't been living together for eight years anyway."

"Tony, what are you saying?"

"Angela, will you be my POSSLQ in Iowa?"

"Your possum cue?"

"No, my POSSLQ. Person of Opposite Sex, Sharing Living Quarters."

"Oh, right." I hadn't heard the term in years.

"So what do you think?"

"Well, Tony, are you talking about living together like we live together here? I mean there. In Connecticut."

"Well, not exactly, Angela. I wouldn't be your housekeeper."

"Tony."

"OK, Angela, I think I know what you're asking. And, yeah, ten and a half months is a long time to share a one-bedroom apartment without, you know."

"Ten and a half months?"

"Yeah, of my year at Wells."

"Oh, right." It's still such a long time, but would it be easier if we were together?

"I know I'm asking a lot of you. You'd have to be away from your business and Jonathan and everything."

Oh, right. It hit me then. He was asking me to give up my Connecticut life, and my ad agency in New York. Or at least to step back from them. It was a lot to ask. It is. But I couldn't ask him to give up his future in Iowa. And maybe it would be better for our relationship to be alone together in a new place. Not just these disastrous weekends but genuine couple-time, without Mother and the kids. Not that I wouldn't miss Mother and the kids.

"Tony, let's not settle anything over the phone. I'll fly back out tomorrow. You stay there, and we'll talk."

"Whatever you want, Angela. I love you!"

"I love you, Tony," I whispered.